Before I start, check out my guest post over at Jenny’s Blog- Fitness, Health and Food
At this moment I am a bit frustrated, but I feel I need to add a small disclaimer to this post! But let’s not jump right into the negative stuff, I want to rewind a bit first
*I am sorry to say that I am a terrible blogger and took practically zero pictures this weekend! I had my camera with me most of the time, but I just kept not wanting to be bothered with rummaging through my bag searching for the camera, asking someone to take a picture, or always trying to find something to photograph… you get the idea. Sometimes you are just not in the mood!
By Friday afternoon, the bf had arrived and we started our weekend together! Since it was already pretty late in the day, we started to prep dinner soon after his arrival. On the menu- baked chicken with roasted sweet potatoes and steamed asparagus. It was a nice and simple dinner, easy to prepare, but also met my healthy standards.
I used this recipe for the chicken breast:
Baked Honey Mustard Chicken
- 4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
- salt and pepper to taste
- 1/3 cup honey
- 1/3 cup Dijon mustard
- 1 teaspoon paprika
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
- Sprinkle chicken breasts with salt and pepper to taste, and place in a lightly greased 9×13 inch baking dish. In a small bowl, combine the honey, mustard, and paprika. Mix well. Pour 1/2 of this mixture over the chicken, and brush to cover.
- Bake in the preheated oven for 30 minutes. Turn chicken pieces over and brush with the remaining 1/2 of the honey mustard mixture. Bake for an additional 10 to 15 minutes, or until chicken is no longer pink and juices run clear. Let cool 10 minutes before serving.
I loved the taste of this chicken- not too spicy, but with a small kick and a great sweet taste to compliment the chicken. Sweeter marinades like this are most definitely my favorite way to prepare meats. I am obsessed with the honey mustard flavor and it tastes so darn good on chicken, and salmon too! For the sweet potatoes, I simply cubed them and brushed the pieces with olive oil and salt and pepper and the asparagus was steamed with some salt.I know this meal is not groundbreaking by any means, but I was so pleased with the balance of flavors and it left me satisfied all night.
After dinner and some beautifying, we made our way to a local bar in town. Now I knew already knew this going in, but this is the kind of place where you will most likely see practically everyone you went to high school with… a majority of them being people you would be perfectly fine with never seeing again! And boy was I correct. I saw about fifty people from my grade and tons of them were former friends of mine back in high school.
I have mentioned this before (and in my “About Me” page) but I used to have a fabulous group of friends my senior year, who really enabled me to have the best time of my life so far. unfortunately when i came very caught up in my disordered eating, I slowly but surely was pushed out of this group- it being both their faults and mine. So having not seen them or talked to them in over a year now, it was rather delightful for me to introduce my new guy to them and show how far I have come in recovery.
The next morning we woke up at a pretty early hour, eager to spend as much time together as possible. We took our time getting ready and having breakfast together, while chatting about what we would be doing the rest of the day. This is where the first “however” comes into play. Even after all of this time, and the efforts I have been toward cementing healthier habits, mornings remain to be challenging for me. Although I have improved so so much, I still feel the rather compulsive need to wake up and work out, and then eat breakfast… and also “save” my calories my not eating in the morning. Back in the much darker period of my disordered eating, every.single.day I would wake up, do some sort of physical activity, whether it be a run, gym session, strength training, fast walk, etc, come back and then eventually have “breakfast” (an apple usually) when I no longer could take the gnawing hunger. I would consistently workout with zero food in my body, as a sick method of losing weight and feeling in control of my body.
Things have gotten so much better, but are not 100% yet. I am having a difficult time with the mentality that I haven’t really started my day until I have exercised. It’s like I need to burn calories to be “rewarded” with breakfast. I find it so hard to be comfortable with waking up, having a normal-sized breakfast, then doing whatever fitness that day. Rest days are even more challenging as my irrational mind does not seem to be alright with eating the same way I do everyday, minus the extreme amount of exercise and calorie burn I am used to. I am finally getting that rest days are absolutely essential for your body, but that sure as heck doesn’t mean I am a somewhat of a crazy female on those days… my mind littered with the same old relentless “I’m fat/gaining weight” thoughts.
Back to Saturday, we did actually plan on doing a workout together later that morning and he helped to remind me that fueling before is another essential and normal part of being physically active. So I had my current favorite breakfast item: cereal/yogurt/milk/fruit delicious combo mess. This idea was brought to my attention by the lovely Lindsey from Cardio Pizza, and her method for making the perfect cereal! It is the new love of my life
Step 1- Add your choice of fruit
Step 3: Once mixed, I poured almond milk in the bowl for more liquid and to loosen things up. I also added several dashes of cinnamon and a tablespoon of milled flax seed for taste and nutrition!
So with that kind of balanced breakfast in me, I felt energized and ready for the workout… as opposed to how I used to feel- zero energy oh and crazy hungry. I am so happy that the bf is into fitness and health too, more specifically CrossFit. Ever heard of this? Well it’s rather insane what people are capable of doing and the types of workouts that are available. If you want to learn more, visit their site because I don’t want explain it incorrectly
We agreed to do a CrossFit workout today, but one that I was capable of as running was a major part of it. We drove to a nearby track and did the following for 5 rounds:
- 8-15 burpees (I started at 8, him 15)
- Run 400 meters (once around the track)
This is supposed to be done as fast as you can, but of course attempting not to blow all of your energy in the first round. With a warm up, the five rounds, and a cool down, the whole workout took us about 45 minutes. The time was a bit shorter than I am used to, but you are exerting yourself so much in a smaller period of time, therefore still having a very effective workout. I had maintained the belief for several years now, that anything less than 7o minutes of physical exercise was not enough, yay for my exercise addiction... I am terrible at burpees so those whooped me, but I felt great on the running portions! I do believe a lot of that had to do with fueling properly before… it’s so crazy how much better your body functions when you eat, I think I am starting to like this whole “correct fueling” business
Once that was all done, I felt much better and psyched to spend the rest of the day together. I showed him the town, went to a wine tasting (kind of a fail experience though, as neither of us like wine at all haha) and other nice things.
Cloudy shot of Marblehead Harbor
Ermm cute? I was getting rather sick of the craptastic weather we were having all weekend!
Later that night we went out again and well to be frank, I drank too much! Of course the drinking led to the all too familiar “drunkies,” I felt like doom waking up, oh and ridden with guilt.
So here is another indication of my title, it was great to act “normal,” go out to a bar, drink, enjoy my youth, mingle with others, eat extra food for one, get next to no amount of sleep, and feel like someone hit your head with a heavy object the next morning. However, the disordered thoughts were subtly lurking in the back of my mind, ready to come out in full force as the day progressed. I felt guilt from drinking putting empty calories that alcohol is into my body, discomfort from eating mindlessly the night before, annoyed with waking up and feeling so tired and sick, and of course, the all too familiar- I will definitely gain weight from all of this- thought process.
I was rather against the whole idea of “recovering” yesterday. On Sunday morning I was guilty of wanting to exercise and work off the “damage” I had done to myself the night before, rather than hang out with my guy… guilty of body checking and feeling for my bloated stomach, when I swore I would stop doing this. Guilty of not wanting to eat any sort of breakfast, or food in general, as another control method to stop the additional pounds I figured were already one with my body. I told those thoughts to pretty much shut the hell up, and they temporarily went away. I was able to rationalize and understand that I had very little time left to spend with this special person and to not ruin the day with my own craziness. And duh, I could get in physical activity later if I really felt compelled to.
Thank goodness I am no longer at the point where this sort of thinking would devastate me. I won’t lie to you that after he left, for the rest of the day I felt uncomfortable in my own skin- attempting to ignore how hungry I actually was and denying myself of proper amounts of food. Another confession here, Sunday’s are normally my rest days, but I just couldn’t fathom the idea of sitting with the “fat” feeling I had… so I went to the gym, and did the stair-master for about an hour. It was a sweat-inducing workout that felt great and eased my mind. However, it allowed me to feel better because I knew I had gotten some kind of physical activity in, and that I was more in control of the weight gain I so strongly believed would happen before my very eyes. I was and still am, using exercise primarily as a weight-control method, rather than a healthy activity. *Must work on this.
Overall, it really was a great weekend and my feelings for him are continuing to grow stronger. The disordered eating and thoughts are no longer the main focus and controller of my life, but they are still there. I continue to battle the irrationality, face my fears, step out of my comfort zone, try something new, eat more, exercise less, gain weight… I am still sticking with this recovery process, no matter how challenging and scary it becomes. There are days that are incredibly hard, where I want to resort back to my old “methods” because they make me feel all safe and cozy. However, I refuse to allow myself to slip back into my own twisted (what I thought was a) controlled world, where I hated everything, everyone, and most of all myself.
On that note, I am going to have some sort of sweet treat to end the night. I am in the mood for something and I am going to do my very best to listen to what my body wants... without a side of guilt, thank you very much!
A few questions for ya’ll!
What is your favorite flavor of a marinade? Do you tend to go sweeter or savory, or does it depend on your mood?
Have you ever heard of Cross Fit? I am starting to get much more into it, and am pretty pumped about it
Do you or have you ever felt the “need” to start the day with exercise, or at least get it in at some point to feel as if your day is complete? How have you dealt with rest days?
How do you deal with guilt and stop it from plaguing your mind? I know this is something I need to work on, so I would love to hear any and all suggestions!
Please tell me your favorite part of your past weekend! Any new food finds, recipes, adventures, stories, reunions, weddings, social events, family/friends time?! Anything, please share