My Intuitive Eating Series- Honor Your Hunger

by tessa8m on July 28, 2011

in Intuitive Eating Series

Good Morning Friends!

Let’s get right into the subject of today’s post! I have not talked about my battle with Intuitive Eating in quite some time, so I think it’s time for an update, and to delve deeper into the ideas behind this.

I want to remind everyone that I am not being paid to review or recommend this book! I read this self-help book a few months ago at the suggestion of Nancy Clarke because it could potentially help me regain a healthy relationship with food. Disordered eating has negatively distorted my attitude and thoughts towards food and my body, so re-building this is a very important and necessary step toward recovery. I need to stop seeing food as the “enemy” the necessary substance that is “out to get me” aka make me fat. No, this is wrong and ridiculous. Food is fuel- simple as that.

Intuitive eating is something I believe we should all strive for, pretty much eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are satisfied and getting the correct amount of nutrients- done and done. Of course truly understanding this is easier said than done, which is why I am making my way through the Principles of this book slowly and really trying out and reading what they suggest. Thus far, I have challenged myself with two of the principles listed in Intuitive Eating, Make Peace With Food and Feel Your Fullness. After I have practiced these principles for a bit longer, I am going to update you on my progress and thoughts so far.

Today, I am going to talk about the principle of Honoring Your Hunger.

Oh boy, this is yet another tough topic for me. In these last few years, I have become unfamiliar with how to really gauge my hunger levels, when to stop when I am satisfied or full, fearing the pangs of hunger and yet continuing to deprive myself of proper amounts of food…. Oh yes, I have some work to do in this area and thought it would be a great idea to address next.

From the book, Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for re-building trust with yourself and food.

Well yep, that makes sense. If you are restricting and depriving yourself of nutrients that are essential, your body is going to react quite negatively and cause you to feel this compulsive NEED to get huge amounts of food into your mouth as soon as possible, aka binge. When you are starving, your self-control pretty much goes out the window and you feel desperate to get your hands on any kind of sustenance. I know I have been there, plenty of times as a matter of fact.

Although I have improved with this idea, I still have my own personal struggles. When my disordered eating was at its lowest point, breakfast and the morning would be the time this principle would have helped me out the most. A number of times I have opened up about my fear of breakfast- having “too many” calories in the morning and then not “saving enough” for the end of the day. I used to wake up every morning, go right to the gym or on a run, come home and have coffee (no food), shower, get ready for the day, all without eating anything. I had a great schedule at school last year where I would not start classes until 11:15 so I would always use the mornings to workout and get homework done. I would not eat anything until that 11:15 class, and then it had to be at least 11:30 until I broke my fast.

To say I was hungry at the point would be an understatement. I would feel starved, that desperate NEED for food would be there, my stomach would be out-of-control growling, I felt exhausted, winded, weak, dizzy from a lack of calories… Those first few minutes of class were so painful. Since my ridiculous “rule” to not allow myself to eat until 11:30 was in effect, 15 minutes felt like eternity. I would not be able to pay attention to the professor, my mind would be spinning and full of thoughts about FOOD. I would finally “cave in” and eat a yogurt and an apple… oh in about 8 seconds flat- duh, because I was STARVING!

Obviously some things needed to change. Intuitive Eating has a lot to do with people that have been on countless diets to lose weight, but the information can be useful to anyone. The point is to re-establish a healthy relationship with food. In “Honoring Your Hunger” they make a few very useful and relate able points of what happens to us when we are constantly starving ourselves. When I say starving, I don’t mean zero calories coming in… I am talking about restricting the necessary intake and leaving our bodies without adequate calories. The body is constantly in a state of deprivation, something it obviously does not approve of.

  • Metabolic rates decrease by 40%.
  • You become obsessed with food.
  • Eating styles change- vacillating from ravenous gulping to stalling out the eating experience; making their meals last for hours.
  • Bulimia can result if you have a binge and then feel the compulsive need to rid of the excess amounts you consumed.
  • Personalities change- onset of apathy, irritability, moodiness, and depression.

I can relate to most of these 100%- except the bulimia one, that was never for me!

These all make such perfect sense. You are fighting against something that is necessary to continue living- eating! Food was the enemy to me, so I tried to “avoid” it all costs, yet have become absolutely obsessed with it at the same time. When I was at quite a low point, I would always be searching online for recipes, reading articles about foods, watching Food Network like there was no tomorrow… I was obsessing about something I deemed was not allowed, that whole eating thing. I can remember talking about favorite foods of mine to friends, items I had not tasted in literally years. I had countless recipes bookmarked that I know I would  never make, because those contained “fear” foods…

Another aspect of this chapter that I paid close attention to was the idea that hunger is terrifying. That’s exactly what it is for me. I “love” how ironic this whole thing is… I am petrified of being hungry yet don’t eat when I am feeling those familiar pangs… uhh interesting. This is something I really want to work on- when I feel even the slightest bit hungry, the world is coming to an end. I can’t tolerate this hunger, even though I know some kind of snack or meal is not too far away. A small pang is felt and I immediately think of what I am going to eat, how I am going to cook or prepare it, how long until I can eat again…

I am terrible at dealing with hunger, and yet other people are fine with it. For example, my mom feels hungry, voices this but does not go into some crazy state over it. She knows she is going to eat in the near-ish future and that everything is going to be fine. I envy this… because when I am hungry, nothing else can happen, I need to EAT. And YET, I don’t feed myself properly, hrmm is all of this connected?! I’m thinking it might be…

From the book, many studies have shown that lowering body wight by food restriction and dieting makes no sense metabolically or to our brain chemistry. In fact, it’s counterproductive. The biological chemicals that regulate appetite also direct affect moods and state of mind, our physical energy and our sex lives.

What I am taking away from this principle is that I really need to begin listening for hunger. Things have improved a great deal as I have recovered these last few months, but I still “fear” hunger, I still restrict to a certain point, and food remains on this high, unnecessary pedestal. I want to be able to recognize gentle hunger pangs and understand that the world will not end if I don’t eat at THAT VERY MINUTE. The book suggests “checking in with your body” and simply inquire, What’s my hunger level? If you can truly focus on this question and answer honestly, then deciding whether to eat at that moment and what it should be, ought to be no problem at all.

I need to trust my body.

There are some days that I am just hungrier than others, and learning that this is perfectly fine is a goal of mine. I get frustrated on those days when I feel the need to eat everything in my pantry… but this is simply my body telling me that it needs a bit more food. And that’s OKAY. I also want to deem it alright that I eat when perhaps I am not so hungry. Maybe I just want something at that moment, and this does not make me a failure. Just because I eat a bit more at a meal or one day, does not mean I am losing my willpower, I just need more freakin food!

This can be done. I believe I can reestablish a healthy relationship with food and conquer that ridiculous idea that food is the enemy. Yes, this mindset has improved, but my old disordered thoughts are still a part of my life. They linger in the back of mind, ready to spoil my day by rearing their ugly heads and voice the ideas and thoughts that are quite “good” at destroying my life. Those need to go away, so that I can finally live the life I am supposed to, deserve to, and want to.

On that note, I am rather starving at the moment and am going to go eat my cereal concoction, perhaps with a bit more cereal added in this morning. Just because I am more hungry than usual today, does not mean something is wrong or am I a weak person that can’t resist food! I had a hard workout earlier, and my body wants more food. Simple as that.

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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Cait @ Beyond Bananas July 28, 2011 at 7:51 am

Thanks so much for posting this, Tessa. I personally feel like listening to and honoring your hunger is oneof the most difficult concepts for someone with an eating disorder – and for someone who is in recovery. Because you (i don’t mean YOU you.. just you in general.. all the you’s out there. hahah) spend so much time ignoring your bodies natural signs of hunger – for the need of food – it is almost like you have to learn to eat ALL over again – which is not an easy task for someone who is WELL past the age of learning to eat .. and for someone who already has such a difficult relationship with food.

I love your serious posts like this :)

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2 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:21 pm

“It is almost like you have to learn to eat ALL over again…” that’s exactly right! That’s what I am trying to do now… and it certainly is a difficult process but one I am willing to at least give a try :)

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3 Sarah - Feeeding Brain and Body July 28, 2011 at 8:13 am

Great post! Intuitive eating feels impossibly hard after messing with my eating habits for so long. Like you breakfast used to be delayed until basically lunch time when things were at it’s worse. And since it was lunch I could fill up on an salad and still be absolutely starving yet physically full. Thankfully the first time I tried to recover my mom forced me to eat breakfast and watched every mouthful to make sure. Since then even though there has been many ups and downs breakfast seems to be the one meal that I can manage to intuitively eat. My hardest meals to eat intuitively are snacks and lunch. I don’t want to have to much incase I “don’t save enough calories” for dinner and night snack.

Thanks for such a great post :)

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4 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:23 pm

Oh my yes, that is exactly how I feel with breakfast.. I worry about not saving enough calories for the rest of the day. You would think after all of this time that I would understand how much better I feel with a substantial breakfast in me and that I don’t feel like eating the kitchen as much by the end of the day. But nope, still a work in progress

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5 Lindsay@ In Sweetness and In Health July 28, 2011 at 8:53 am

Thanks for the post Tessa! It’s awesome as usual :). I think it is so important to listen to your hunger. I feel like that is something wrong with our society. We go to both extremes- we feel empowered when we’re hungry or we eat all the time even when we aren’t hungry. I think it’s important to find that happy medium and then we’ll really be able to listen to what our bodies are telling us!

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6 Lisa @ Healthful Sense July 28, 2011 at 9:12 am

I love that book by Evelyn Tribole!! Especially the excerpt that says if you don’t feed your body adequate energy and carbohydrates you’ll trigger a primal drive to overeat.
I remember reading that passage a few years ago and it opened my eyes to why I was battling with food issues. Basically your body knows how much energy it needs and ignoring it’s signals creates a monster!!

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7 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Hey Lisa! Yes that passage really spoke out to me too. Our body is just having a natural reaction, and yet we continue to fight against it. Working on this for sure :)

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8 Haley Q July 28, 2011 at 9:15 am

This is so perfect! Seriously loving this series that you’re doing. I still have an underlying fear of hunger too. People are always saying how “they haven’t eaten all day” but it doesn’t seem to bother them, whereas if I’m even the least bit hungry, I cannot handle it at all-I HAVE to eat something small because I’m scared I’ll go crazy with food once I see it. It’s so true how just because you eat a little more here and there, like go for an extra few handfuls of cereal, doesn’t make us failures. It means we’re fueling properly and giving back to our bodies what it’s given to us. Plus, you work out and you’re doing such a great job recovering, I know that in time this will all set in!

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9 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:26 pm

Ahh yes I cannot understand when people say things like that! They have gone literally several hours without eating, where I go about 45 minutes and am already looking for the next thing to taste. Ugh so so sick of my world revolving around food! I agree though, in time this will set in :)

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10 Allie July 28, 2011 at 9:37 am

Great post, once again! Trusting your body is so important and I’m so happy you know that and wrote this post :)

When I’m extra hungry one day more than usual I just honor it and eat up! :)

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11 Amanda @ .running with spoons. July 28, 2011 at 10:26 am

What a great post, Tessa :) I can definitely relate to a lot of it. My ED screwed up my natural hunger cues so much, that it became impossibly hard to get in tune with them again. I never skipped meals, but I would force myself to wait until certain times to eat then, because I was afraid that if I ate earlier, I would end up eating more later on as well. All my meals also had to meet a set number of calories, and I wouldn’t allow myself to eat more even if I was hungry. As a result, I was basically always hungry, and hunger became one of the things I was most afraid of as well. It took a lot of work to let go of the control and learn to trust my body, but it was so worth it. I no longer fear hunger or clock watch, because I know I can eat whenever I want to. As a result, I’ve never felt happier or freer. And the most comforting part of all? I didn’t blow up to the size of a whale :D I’m actually probably in the best shape I’ve ever been in.

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12 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Thank you for writing this Amanda. Giving yourself permission to eat whenever you want to will truly help me let go of deprivation and all the thoughts and process that goes into that. I am so darn sick of looking at the clock and making sure it’s late enough to eat. Especially BREAKFAST! Oh my goodness how many freakin times have I talked about that? I love hearing you are in the best shape you have ever been in, you certainly deserve it and you go girl :)

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13 Nikki July 28, 2011 at 10:28 am

So inspiring! I have definitely had days where I end up binge eating because I have deprived myself of food for too long. This book sounds really good; maybe I’ll look into it!

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14 Alexandra July 28, 2011 at 10:35 am

Tessa you never fail to write the perfect posts. It’s like you know exactly what I need to hear to get me through a rough patch :) I used to struggle with the feelings of hunger since I would ignore the pangs during my ED, but now I’m trying to trust my body better, like you. After accepting the hunger for so long, it’s weird to actually be afraid of the feeling now. It’s a freaky battle, but one I’m continuing to work on. I’m just glad both you and I are on the right path to honoring our bodies! :)
“Just because I am more hungry than usual today, does not mean something is wrong or am I a weak person that can’t resist food!” <–LOVE IT!! Keep up that positive, strong attitude girl, it's so inspiring!! :D

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15 CJ @ http://cjh002.wordpress.com/ July 28, 2011 at 10:40 am

I literally just wrote a post similar to this last night. I call it my hunger guilt. How can my body possibly hungry when it is not my routine crazy eating disordered minds time to eat? How can I be hungry when I didn’t run obsessively that morning? Well simple… Your body needs food to function! I was feeling like I did not deserve the food… Wasn’t working hard enough, was some super- human who could live on self control. I am still really trying to work on this as well but I love your post! It’s awesome how u mix science, experience and feelings. Thank you for being so honest!

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16 Keri @Blue-Eyed Runner July 28, 2011 at 11:11 am

SO VERY TRUE. Another great post, chica!!! I tell this to my clients all the time…if you are hungry…you need to eat…

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17 Cait's Plate July 28, 2011 at 12:18 pm

I loved that book and definitely try to live by the principles put forth it in. I love that it encourages trusting your body, eating what you want, keeping nutrition in mind and stopping when you’re full. It’s how I eat and how I’m happiest eating!

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18 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:29 pm

A perfect thing to say, that is how you eat and that is when you are the happiest :) Very encouraging, thank you Cait!

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19 Ragnhild July 28, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Tessa<3 what an amazing post! As always, I can relate to EvErYtHiNg! I fear hunger so much, I kind of wish we was never hungery and that we just ate for pleasure- not because our bodies needs it!
At the same time, trusting our bodies is the most beautiful thing ever! It is here to serve us all through our lives- and the least we can do is to thank it for doing it!
I too, wish I someday come to the place were fueling whenever Im hungry, feels right! Im am, and so are you!!, getting better at it! I have been eating ever 2 to 4 hour for some time now. Not making any strick meal-time-plan makes me listening more to my body. But Im surely not at a perfect place yet!
Thank you so much for sharing yet a wonderful post! They are so helpful, and interesting! And you are doing GREAT!! Im truly proud of you!
<3

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20 Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table July 28, 2011 at 12:59 pm

I’m all about this – I don’t really know how to eat any other way. There’s nothing worse than being hungry!

P.S. LOVE that cat pic.

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21 Sonia (the Mexigarian) July 28, 2011 at 1:03 pm

I had tears in my eyes and kept nodding about not eating breakfast, saving my calories for later in the day. I have been there and it sucked. I trolled the websites looking at recipes, drooling over the amazing healthy food and wondered how these ladies could make and eat such food . . . . until I realized it wasn’t about food. It’s about health. They ate what fueled their bodies and what was important to them.
okay so maybe food is part of the equation, but these women also somehow managed to find the ‘key’ to listening to their bodies. It’s hard to find the voice when it’s been starved and scratched raw for so long though.
It’s just this past year that I am slowly recognizing cues from my body and my hunger satiation. Sometimes I do feel hungrier on certain days. Sometimes the voices say keep this feeling going. The smarter half knows that I must eat and I do, but I still have my fear b&p. I was bulimic and many times, the urge is still there when I feel I have too much food. I suppose it’s all about picking up the cues/signals and listening to our bodies so we don’t fall back into the viscous cycle.

Loving your blog. Sorry I am always so scatterbrained when I comment. You always seem to strike a chord with me and I my thoughts come out in a tumbled mess because I want to respond so quickly. Lol.

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22 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Please don’t apologize for being a scatterbrain! First of all you certainly are not and second, I completely understand everything you are saying here! That is exactly what goes on in my semi-crazy head- there is a smarter half that knows what I need to do to fuel my body, and yet this nuts and disordered half that overpowers the other rational side far too often and encourages us to be unhealthy… because it “feels” good? No it does not, must keep reminding ourselves of this!
This is going to certainly be a process, but I am willing to try it out, I am so over feeling as if the world has ended when I am the slightest bit hungry…

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23 Medifast Coupons July 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm

Good post!
Great kitty pic, that is too cute.
Have to get myself a copy of this book think it could be really helpful.

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24 lindsay July 28, 2011 at 1:50 pm

youre such a gifted writer Tessa. I have to say that hunger was not easy for me to listen to for a while. But once I stopped looking at the watch, i was able to cue in on it. If this means eating lunch at 10:30am or 3pm so be it. Once I let go of “time rules” my hunger signaled my brain. Keep us posted on how things go! and I can definitely relate.

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25 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:38 pm

Ugh those “time rules” are so ridiculous and yet so hard to shake! I am so encouraged and inspired that you have surpassed those feelings… there’s hope for me :)

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26 Er July 28, 2011 at 2:05 pm

Food is so important, especially for athletes and hard-core exercisers! I think I eat intuitively in the sense that I eat what my body is craving and of course when it is hungry. But I also tend to have healthy snacks in between my meals, even if I am not hungry, just so that I don’t get starved. Plus it keeps me more satisfied and energetic throughout the day.

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27 Julia July 28, 2011 at 2:26 pm

It looks like I really, really, really need to purchase this book. I restrict myself from everything that is bad for you (i.e. everything that is more than 200 calories) and then when I do allow myself to “cheat,” I start binge eating because my body has craved it for so long. It’s so hard to restructure your thinking though because your mind will play tricks on you and make you see things that are not exactly there. I applaud you for recognizing these things and attempting to work at it. Great great post!

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28 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:34 pm

Thank you Julia! I used to do quite similar things that you wrote about… and I have let so many go at this point. And guess what? No blowing up and gaining crazy amounts of weight like I expected! If you attempt to work at something like this, I am sure you will see such positive results :)

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29 Emily@RunningPerspective July 28, 2011 at 2:39 pm

thank you so much for posting this! i love it! it makes so much sense! your body needs food just to survive on its own..i forgot that along the way! and it is definitely something we all need to remember and honor!

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30 Rach July 28, 2011 at 2:54 pm

Okay, I seriously have got to read this book. I love the ideas behind intuitive eating and I really want to know more.

I know what you mean about how you obsess over food when you feel like you can’t have it. It’s kind of like when someone tells you “don’t look” and you feel this incredible, undeniable urge to do just that. It sounds like this book has been really positive for you so far so I’m grateful for that! :)

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31 Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers July 28, 2011 at 3:02 pm

Interesting post. I have a hard time judging my hunger. It sounds silly, and it is silly. But I’m working on it… :)

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32 Julia July 28, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Great post, Tessa! I have gone through (and still am on the struggle bus) with intuitive eating. If I’m still hungry and not enough time has gone by to ‘allow’ myself to eat again, I just wind up obsessing about food and staying hungry. =/

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33 Kristy July 28, 2011 at 6:08 pm

I don’t have internet access, so I’m typing this on my iPhone. Sorry if it looks weird.
Anyways, I can definitely relate to this post! During the worst of my disordered eating, I would spend almost all my time thinking about food. I put food on this high pedestal and it took top priority in my life, which is ridiculous….not only because there are way more important things in life than food but also because I ate very little and a small variety of foods. I also feared hunger and used that as an excuse to not try new foods. If I tried something and was still hungry, then what? Eating more just wasn’t an option…stupid thinking.

When I began eating more food and a wider variety, I stopped focusing on food so much and became so much more free. Recently I’ve found myself focusing on food more, which leads me to wonder if I should be eating more. I’m happy to say since starting my summer job though, I have been snacking according to my hunger!

This book sounds really interesting…I think I’ll read it : ) thanks for the review!

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34 tessa8m July 28, 2011 at 6:37 pm

Yay for snacking according to your hunger! It may sound silly to some people, but that is a MAJOR accomplishment for others like us who have struggled for so long.
In the first paragraph you say what you did was stupid thinking and it was…. yet I have done the SAME thing countless times. There would be times where I would promise myself I would try something new by the end of the day, but then just fall back into my old “safe” eating routines. Of course I would be wanting something, anything else

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35 Errign July 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm

I’m pretty good at honoring my hunger because I am a beast when I’m hungry. I am not however, super great at not snacking!

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36 Hollie @lolzthatswim(andrun) July 28, 2011 at 7:47 pm

Intuitive eating is something I really struggle with as well. I honestly feel as though I eat on this weird time table sometimes. It’s so hard though because I’m like well-if I eat at this time I won’t be hungry at this time and all that jazz. When I went on vacation, I didn’t eat at my regular times or any of my regular foods so it was a nice change that I hope I can mimic while I’m back at home. :)

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37 Sara K July 28, 2011 at 8:00 pm

I relate to this so much- when I started treatment from restricting so much my hunger cues were completely wacked out and I would get so upset at being forced to eat when i was absolutely NOT hungry, then after getting used to that I would be starving all the time…everything was CRAZY and I had this fear that I would always be hungry and one day eat so much and gain too much weight. Of course, that didn’t happen- that was the anorexia talking, but FINALLY I have got to a place over the past couple of years where my hunger cues are in tune and NORMAL and I can trust my body’s cravings and I notice that as long as I fulfill them, my mood is stable, my health is fine, and hey no I don’t gain any weight. It’s actually amazing how stable my weight has been since trusting my body (according to my doctor, I don’t own a scale)- even when I think I have spent an entire week eating nothing but pizza/desserts/pastas/etc I find that I don’t gain any weight, everything balances out and I believe we all have a setpoint anyways that we are healthiest at

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38 Jessica @ Sushi and Sit-Ups July 28, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Wow, your strength is so inspiring. I agree that it’s hard to learn to trust your body. Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember to stop eating when I’m full then I feel so guilty afterward. But I’ve learned it’s important to not dwell when I overeat but instead use the next day as a day to get back on track with healthy meals and workouts. You’re so strong!

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39 Shanna, like Banana July 28, 2011 at 9:53 pm

Intuitive eating is so hard for me! I obsessively think about food all day and when I can eat next, so it makes it difficult to know when I’m really hungry or just too focused on eating. I also eat when I’m bored, which is tough to curb.

Oye.

Love that photo of the cat!

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40 Jessica Martin July 29, 2011 at 9:11 pm

I think it is SO important to nourish your body especially after I starved it for so long! Intuitive eating has helped me cope with my ED

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41 Nikki @ The Worth Of My Sole July 30, 2011 at 12:56 pm

I read this book a few years ago and it has made it’s way to the top 5 books that have been life changing for me. Now I just need to follow it’s teachings. That’s the struggle!!

Thanks for writing this post.

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42 tessa8m July 30, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Gahh yes I feel you on that Nikki! I read it really quickly the first time, then realized I hadn’t followed any of the advice… whoops. So now I am trying to actually do what it preaches and teaches

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43 Vanessa July 30, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I think you came into my mind and wrote my thoughts. I am exactly the same!!!!! I’ve realized my disordered eating,my anorexia,my bulemia, and my have to eat at this time or I panic….is control. I have a control issues. It all began in college when I ran xc. When my life,my family, etc, were out of control, I could control 1 thing: my food. I still struggle with eating at certain times, still want to be super skinny(im normal weight), and binge at times, and the ONLY way I can overcome those times is by giving it to God. He is my strength and I cannot do it on my own. Trust me, I’ve tried. Anyways, sorry to ramble so much. I’m so happy you had fun and ate what you wanted. You are so beautiful (and speedy runner) who doesn’t need to worry about any of ED’s thoughts. You are way stonger than him!!!

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44 Shannon [Tropical Eats] July 30, 2011 at 8:54 pm

trust is key.

no worries, friend. :)

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