Good Morning and Happy Wednesday!
**Yesterday we experienced a family emergency and as a result, I am not at my dad’s… Everything is okay though, and I shall fill you in at a later date… when I am ready to.
As you may or may not have read from Monday’s post, I talked a whole lot about my thoughts on the weekend, and how my disordered eating played it’s own part. The holidays are a very tough time for me because I am trying to act as normal as I can, but let’s face it, it’s nearly impossible at this point in my life. These special occasions are about family, bonding, joy and relaxing, but of course, food is a major focus as well.
What I left out was all of the delicious food that was consumed (yes reluctantly at times, but I still busted through those ED mentalities) I thought What I Ate Wednesday would be a perfect time to showcase my eats and also share some splendid recipes that were conjured up for the holiday. Thank you Jenn for putting this together
This Christmas was a huge improvement from last year, as I actually ate some of the food that was served, and challenged myself as often as I could handle it. A year ago while everyone sat down to lasagna, I sat at the table full of anxiety, dread and guilt, while the eating disorder voice was making a rather compelling argument of every single reason why I should not eat any of this special Christmas dinner.
After my “meal” of a single piece of pasta and a few bites of sauce, I was starving and wolfed down a baked sweet potato in between cleaning up and getting the desserts (secretly I might add) out that I had baked… oh and that I was certainly not planning on eating any of. Umm good times? Hardly.
The eating disorder voice was in full force this weekend, but how I reacted to it is the major difference and improvement that is evident from last year. I was still struggling Friday afternoon and into the evening, but there was a moment that I decided to kick the illogical voices aside, and deal with the discomfort and guilt that would come as soon as I let things go. However, if that meant being able to enjoy the time with my loving family, well than so be it.
Since Christmas Eve Eve eats kind of err…sucked (by my own doing of course) I will focus more on the main event the rather special food that was prepped and consumed on the 24th (with some eats from Friday thrown in)! My grandparents prepared the dinner, while I gladly took on the task of providing dessert. To say I was a baking fiend would be a sincere understatement. Basically I cooked up everything I have been pining to lately… and it was awesome
So let’s get to it, WIAW- Holiday Edition!
Pumpkin Oatmeal topped with a homemade (be me!) dough ball and frozen blueberries.
I do enjoy the different breakfasts I have been making lately, but this bowl of oatmeal is just so delicious and I can’t resist having it regularly!
A year ago I would have skipped breakfast to save calories for the day in order to be somewhat “alright” with eating a Christmas dinner later that day. Well actually my “breakfast” would have included a whole bunch of raw vegetables such as carrots, celery, and green beans. Oh and then I would have stuffed myself silly with fruit in order to feel full… then a massive stomachache would be inevitable, I would be gassy, bloated, uncomfortable, “fat”…. Phew glad that period of my life is past.
The rest of the was filled with cooking, baking and prepping, so I can’t say that I sat down to an actual lunch or snack. Dinner yes, but the other meals were eaten more on the go, although I did make sure to eat regularly and get the required calories in that are non-negotiable.
So before getting into our Christmas Eve dinner, I want to share with you results of my baking storm and share the recipes I also made a promise to myself that whatever I baked I HAD TO try it… a waste if I didn’t and a victory for ED. No thank you.
Holiday Rice Krispies
Not anything unique… I just made a basic Rice Krispie Treats recipe and added some festive sprinkles. There is just something so perfect about Rice Krispies, you can’t go wrong in my opinion! Plus they are a bit lighter compared to other desserts out there.
Candied Nut Clusters
- 1.5 cups sugar
- 2 T butter
- 3 cups salted mixed nuts
- Cook 1.5 cups sugar over medium heat, swirling pan but not stirring, until dark amber, about 10 minutes.
- Off the heat, stir in the butter and the salted mixed nuts.
- Pour onto an oiled baking sheet, separate into clusters and let harden.
Chocolate Cookies with Mint and White Chocolate Chips
- 1 cup butter, softened
- 2 cups white sugar
- 2 eggs
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup white chocolate chips
- 2/3 cup mint chocolate chips
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Combine the flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt; stir into the creamed mixture. Fold in the white chocolate chips. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
- Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, until cookies are set. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely
Remember when I discussed the Mint-Chip find during my vlog a few weeks ago? Well they were finally put into use and yeah, these were good. You know I am bat-shit crazy for chocolate-mint right now, and these satisfied that craving quite well!
- 3 egg whites
- 1/8 teaspoon cream of tartar
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2/3 cup white sugar
- Various colored sprinkles for decoration
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
- Combine egg whites, cream of tartar, and vanilla. Beat until the whites form soft peaks. Slowly add sugar; beat until stiff peaks form, and mixture becomes glossy.
- Drop mixture by teaspoonfuls on to two parchment covered cookie sheet. Sprinkle with decorations of choice.
- Place in preheated oven, close door and turn off the oven. Leave cookies undisturbed (don’t open the door) for at least 2 hours so they can dry out.
This was my first time making meringues, but they actually turned out great! Well errr… the bottoms of the first batch were a bit overdone (read: burned), but the next ones came out rather prefect if I do say so myself Another light treat for the holidays!
I also made chocolate chip cookies for my grandpa at his request…. I was more than happy to as it was an excuse to bake something else and I felt compelled to sample the dough (a lot!) you know to make sure it is tasty enough
All of my baking creations!
Other eats included my grandfather’s famous (to us at least ) Antipasto…
This is a traditional appetizer that we enjoy on Christmas and something I look forward to every year! I used to HATE IT when I was younger and would pick off the salami and cheese from it.. and that was it. But I no longer a picky eater, am recovering of course, so it was time to eat some of this special meal!
I also contributed two vegetable side dishes that were healthier in order to balance out the holiday eats a bit. And let’s be honest here, I also made them because although I did eat some of the food that everyone else was having, I was only comfortable with smaller portions. I wanted to make sure I ate enough, while also cooking up a dish that my family would enjoy as well.
Yes I know I “should” be eating whatever the heck I want to and not worry about the portions and all of that, but alas, not up to that point yet. Better though as I have said, so let’s go from there.
On Friday night I used this recipe as inspiration and cooked up a light side dish to go along with the bit of spaghetti I ate as well. However, instead of adding in chicken sausage, I used mushrooms as we already had plenty of meat coming from the meat sauce over the pasta.
I even had a small piece of pizza (SCARY FEAR FOOD) my mom and gram created… oh my lord was it good.
So many fear foods were overtaken during this meal, and even on a day that I felt crappy about myself. I would say that is a win.
On Christmas Eve I made another dish using Kale….
Kale Salad with Cranberries and Slivered Almonds
- 2 bunches fresh kale, tough stems and ribs discarded, leaves sliced
- 1 sweet onion, sliced
- 2 tablespoons white miso paste
- 1/2 cup diced fresh cranberries
- 1/3 cup slivered almonds
- Pour 2 tablespoons of water into a large pot and set over medium-high heat. Add kale a few handfuls at a time, stirring and letting it cook down until all of it fits in the pot. Add onion, lower the heat to medium, cover and cook until onion and kale are tender, 10 to 12 minutes.
- Meanwhile, whisk miso and 2 tablespoons boiling water together. Transfer kale and onion to a platter, drizzle with miso mixture and sprinkle with cranberries.
- Sprinkle almonds on before serving.
As I discussed last Friday, we were having a rib roast for our Christmas meal and oh yeah… I sure did eat some. There was no way in hell I would turn down such a fabulous piece of meat, screw you ED, this sh*t was good. Oh and some of my Kale dish and a classic white baked potato.
I also tried a very small piece of my grandmother’s Yorkshire pudding! If anyone is familiar with how this “pudding” is made, well it’s one of the more scary things I can think of eating. But again, this was a special meal, and I had already made a decision to put all of my demon voices aside, well as much as I could at least.
This meal was honestly “melt in your mouth” good! Yes, the guilt, I am fat thoughts, and anxiety were there, but I did my very best to forget about that, and I believed I accomplished that to a certain extent.
Here are some more pictures from the weekend…
There were certainly some rough moments, set backs, and negative emotions that were felt throughout this weekend. But once I “got my head on straight” and realized how much I was sabotaging my own holiday with my family, I did my best to rally and enjoy this special time. I tasted food I never would have thought possible even just a short time ago, baked up some great dishes, cooked-up fresh side dishes, and enjoyed the most “normal” Christmas I have had in two years.
Woah there is a picture and food overload in this post… I guess that means a successful WIAW
1) If you suffer with anxiety and illogical thoughts around food, did you overcome any of irrationalities this weekend?
2) Do you have any traditional foods among your family that are always eaten at certain holidays? Antipasto= Christmas
3) Did you bake or cook any recipes for the holidays? What was your best creation?
4) On that note, do you prefer to bake or cook? I have always been a baker, but am loving cooking more and more these past few months!
5) And of course, what is the best thing you ate this past weekend?!
Have a great day everyone! Can’t wait to
stalk look at all of your blogs and eats today