WIAW- Daily Thoughts & Actions

by tessa8m on February 22, 2012

in What I Ate Wednesday

Morning m’dears!

Before I get into the subject of the post, the winner of the Runner’s World calendar and energy bar giveaway is….

Kaitlin at For Love of Carrots!!

Congratulations! Send your mailing address to tessam1989@yahoo.com and I will send out your prize asap :)

Having Monday off certainly has made time rush by these last few days, but I am totes mcgoats not complaining.  On that note, here we are already halfway through the week, which means it’s time for What I Ate Wednesday! As usual, thanks and appreciations go to Jenn blogging over at Peas and Crayons, thank you woman :D

A few days ago I received an email from a reader asking about “what I do” on a daily basis- the times for my classes, workouts, internships schedule, homework… and of course how food and eating fits into all of this. This particular reader is also striving and making the effort to recover and is having difficulty getting enough food in throughout the day, or spreading it out in a way that is both mentally and physically easier to handle.

As I have discussed a number of times, eating to gain weight is very difficult- insert eye roll here! <– that is the initial thought someone might have when hearing something like this. Oh POOR YOU, you have to gain weight?! I wish I had that problem!

For me personally, it is not that it’s physically difficult to put on weight. Heck, I am pretty sure if I consumed the amounts and calories I really and truly need on a daily basis, the pounds would come on, I would reach my “happy weight,” I could get my period back, and things would finally be OKAY!

However, anyone that has gone through this recovery experience understands how MENTALLY challenging it is to gain weight. You are fighting against yourself every.single.time you eat… well for me at least. At EVERY meal/snack/graze session, I am always questioning myself- “should I really eat all of that? Do I actually need to have this much food? Perhaps I will just fill up more on fruits and vegetables today…. or sure I am about to eat my own arm off, but I don’t really need the morning snack, I mean I never used to have one!”

Yeahhhhh NO. The illogical, disordered voices are ALWAYS there, but that sure as heck does mean I give into them. On a daily basis the negative thoughts are there, the ones that try to pull me back into my illness. My actions speak differently though, and practice practice practice (and challenging yourself!) is they KEY to keeping this progression going.

However, every day is not perfect and sometimes I do “give in” to the irrational advice because often it feels incredibly correct. I want to be honest with you before I get into a day in the life here!

I don’t have a specific “style” for my blog, or a mold I try to fit into (although I used to!). So this means I rarely talk exactly what I do during the day…. I mean that is probably the most boring thing I could think of to write about… too often at least! I think it is fun to mix it up once in awhile though, and delve more into my daily life- all while battling eating disorder and not giving in. So here we go!

Breakfast/Morning Routine:

-Wake up at 6:15 (that is early for this girl, I don’t know how some of you do the 5am thing!)= This is my absolute favorite time of the day. It is quiet, the stress of my illness has not hit me yet, I am excited to drink my coffee and catch up on blogs.

- 6:30= Consume coffee, waste time on the internet, get dressed for a workout, consume a snack before the gym (in today’s case it was one of the BEST apples I have ever eaten! Honey Crisp and this one was utterly perfect):

7:15= arrive at the rec center, hop on the elliptical to warm up for 15 minutes before an intense circuit workout.

  • Tessa, you have been tired as feck lately, you really need to not push yourself as hard as you usually do.
  • Hmm that’s nice, but sorry no. Time to work it today, you took it a bit too easy yesterday, don’t want to turn into a fatty

So yes, that is a perfect example of not always prevailing through the challenging moments. It happens, I am learning to accept this, and also to understand that this is all part of the recovery process- ups and downs… consistent ups though!

8:45= return from gym (it’s about a 12 minute walk there and back), start to get hungry, should eat as soon as I get back to refuel properly and all that, but instead choose to take a shower, do my hair, makeup and such first. This is something I still need to work on and goes along with the “perfect meal” idea. In the morning especially, I prefer to be clean and dressed and then sit down to my meal, rather than the other way around.

Can’t do that though, I need to get the nutrients in asap! Enter my actual breakfast:

9:30 (again, later than I should)- Pumpkin Egg White Oatmeal- 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup liquid egg whites (stirred in at the end), 1/2 cup pumpkin, 1 cup vanilla soy milk, lots of cinnamon, packet of splenda (I know so artificial/dangerous blah), frozen berries, and 1 T of almond butter stirred in there. Perfection.

**First Class at 10:10- Eating Disorder Nutrition Class (more on what I am learning later)

Morning Snack

11:30- I know I have said this before but I literally used to NEVER have a morning snack… heck I used to not have breakfast, an apple was all I needed until 3 pm! Yikes. Thankfully I am much better about breakfast and always have it, but the morning snack remains a challenge. However, I know fo shooo that when I consume more food earlier in the day, I don’t feel (as much) the compulsive mood to continue picking at food for the rest of the time I am awake… something I talked about last Wednesday.

Now that I am having a mid-morning snack, I am still tempted to have just some carrot sticks or a small piece of fruit… but this would be the “easy” way out for me. On that note, enter a heartier and energy-dense snack,

Almonds- dark chocolate ( :) ) and regular… a bit more than a 1-oz serving.

 Lunch

1:00- Alright so I am still trying to decide and figure out why salads are my ideal choice for lunch every.single.day and if this is “okay” or not. I love salads because they are so versatile, contain tons of nutrients when the correct toppings and ingredients are added, and do taste great! But they also do give me that “safe” feeling of helps to quell my anxiety with this particular meal. I think it’s time to change things up for lunch, even though my salads are chalk-full of energy-dense foods, I need to mix it up.

But whoops I didn’t today! I am acknowledging this though and plan on making a lunch change this week.

In the salad- spinach, mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, 1 cup (or so) 2% cottage cheese, black beans, and a serving of walnuts sprinkled on top. Ketchup for a dressing/topping this time, yep weirdo over hurr :)

Enjoyed with a side of fruit and a piece of pumpernickel bread with butter (scary, oh yes)

Sorry, repeat photo from a few weeks ago

Internship from 2:30 to 6:30… all going VERY well btw and I plan to provide an update soon. Today is more about the food now!

Mid-afternoon Snack

4:30 (at the internship)-This is another “meal” that simply never made an appearance in my diet during the worst times. As I did start to recover, I would add in a small snack, such as 1/2 cup of Fiber One cereal, a few crackers, a lot of raw veggies (to stay full) or something else not substantial at all. I won’t lie, I am STILL tempted to fall back on much “safer” options, but I have come far enough to understand how even the slightest restriction can lead to a set back.

To counteract the potential for a negative choice, I enjoyed one of my current favorite snacks,

2% Breakstone cottage cheese (I used to ALWAYS have fat-free) with blackberries. First of all, Breakstone is the best brand out there (in my humble opinion :) ). And second, blackberries coupled with cottage cheese is pretty much amazing.

Dinner

7:45- I still have a tendency to eat dinner too late with the lingering “fear” of being too hungry before going to sleep. Yep, makes zero sense, especially since I go to bed about 90 minutes later AND the fact that it’s essential I get over the lingering thought of what and when I should or should not eat.

Who cares if I am hungry after dinner? EAT! Must internalize this.

My default quick-I-love-more-than-anything-meal… baked sweet potato with a container low-fat plain Chobani, and a heaping of some kind of nut butter, in this case a to-go pack of Justin’s Honey Almond.

I swear to you I will NEVER get sick of this :)

RIGHT after dinner is a time I often struggle with.

Even when I have been eating properly throughout the day, as I did here, I will guarantee want to consume something right after. Yes it’s okay to grab something, but I am also continuously trying to normalize my relationship and actions with food and meals, and eating a food immediately after is not a habit I want to get into. I am working to improve feeling satisfied with the meal, experiencing the fullness and then moving.

9:00- I was able to practice this and waited about an hour to have a dessert, something I am pretty darn excited to share with you all :)

Dark Chocolate Mint M&Ms!!!!!! If you have read my blog before, you you know I go bat-shit crazy for mint chocolate anything. When I saw these in CVS the other day, I literally yelled out in delight and sure did receive some looks! PROUD of it ;)

Because I would simply not feel comfortable eating the entire package of M&Ms (heck a single one= weight gain) I decided to mix a few into a trail mix..

Walnuts, craisins, raisins, almonds, pumpkin seeds, gogi berries, and the Mint Chocolate M&Ms! The last ingredient in there definitely lived up to my expectations… new favorite sweet snack :) Gosh it just feels so good to be at least somewhat okay with consuming a trail mix like this, M&Ms and all. I never would had even considered consuming a single piece of this just a few months ago. I die a bit inside when I start thinking about how much I have missed out on….

10:00- BED time! Right after the Bachelor ended. Courtney, really?! LEAVE!

So there you are- an abridged version of a “day in the life” with a focus on the food and how it plays into my routine. How I deal with the negativity and thoughts of wanting to restrict, but how for the most part, I recognize and prevail against them!

Share your own thoughts!

-At what times during the day do you tend to eat? I am always having y meals a bit later than I “ought” to, because of the underlying fear of hunger later in the day This is something I am consciously working on.

-Do you ever get so lost in an activity, assignment, or aspect of work, that you honestly forget that you need eat or are hungry? I can’t remember the last time this happened to me! Food is on my mind far too often… more than I care to admit.

-I know there are readers out there that are also struggling and working to challenge themselves… how are you doing with this? Have the changes been hard but tolerable at least? Any positivity or true recovery being seen?

-Any new products/food finds to report on?! Those Mint M&Ms changed my life for the better :)

-Tell me the best thing you ate int he past 7 days! Christine if you are reading this, my favorite thing was your tortilla soup and the fajitas!! No lie lady :)

Have a great rest of your Monday my dear friends!

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{ 134 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Khushboo Thadani February 22, 2012 at 5:41 am

Like you, I always shower and get ready before breakfast! I like to wash off the sweat first and then enjoy breakfast…also once I’m dressed, I have no tension to hurry through breakfast! I don’t think you need to change your salads for lunch if you enjoy them! They sound very hearty (and delicious) and you do a great job of balancing it: great mix of carbs, protein and healthy fats! Loved reading a “Day in the Life of Tessa”! My eating times generally looks like:

7.45 am- handful of almonds/raisins on way to gym
10 am- breakfast after getting ready for work
2 pm- lunch
5 pm- snack
8 pm- dinner
9.30/10 pm- bedtime snack/dessert
Khushboo Thadani recently posted..Effectiveness of BFL workouts

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2 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:45 pm

That is a late lunch… but if it works for you that is fine of course! I am trying to figure out the best schedule for me, always a work in progress

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3 Kaitlyn February 22, 2012 at 6:23 am

1) Those M&M’s look incredible…AHHHH!
2) Yes please, Courtney go home.

Happy WIAW!! :)
Kaitlyn recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday #5: A day off!

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4 Lauren @ What Lauren Likes February 22, 2012 at 6:49 am

Mint m&ms?! Heck yes :) Happy wiaw!
Lauren @ What Lauren Likes recently posted..Baked Oatmeal WIAW

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5 Steve@food abuse February 22, 2012 at 6:50 am

we have such opposite problems. I am obese and no matter how hard i try to eat healthy food and healthy portions of said healthy foods i find myself doing ok in the day then once my wife and daughter go to sleep i start to snack and snack and any good i managed during the day gets wrecked before i go to sleep.

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6 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:48 pm

I believe that eating disorders all have very similar underlying issues… finding the route of them is how you recover. Of course more goes into this, but understanding why you binge/restrict is necessary. Yes we show our symptoms differently, but there is something going on for both of us!

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7 Nikki February 22, 2012 at 6:50 am

I have never had ketchup on my salad but I love bbq sauce on them! And I am like you…I just love salads! That trail mix looks delicious…way to go for that masterpiece :)

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8 Sandra February 22, 2012 at 6:58 am

Tessa, I just wanted to tell you how much I love your blog and can relate to everything in it. I myself recovering from after years of hiding it, the weight gain is the hardest thing, and its such a battle, but keep it up. Thanks for always lifting my day up, we are not alone.
xox Sandra

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9 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm

Sandra, thank you so very much for telling me this! It means a lot for me to read and to always know I am not alone!

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10 Lyn @ FueledBySalad February 22, 2012 at 7:26 am

I agree with you 100% – the mental part is way tougher than the physical part. We can do this! :D Keep challenging those voices. Nuts are a super good energy-dense snack; I have a whole bunch of almonds/walnuts/cashews for my morning snack too, along with fruit. Normally I eat at the same times every day, and when I get hungry I’m not even allowed to eat because lessons span the entire day, with food only allowed at allocated times. Which kinda sucks. My favourite meal was a tofu-chickpea-spinach curry dish that I just had for dinner. YUM.
Lyn @ FueledBySalad recently posted..A Weighty Issue: Latest Updates

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11 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Urghh that does kind of suck, but as long as you get in the nutrients and calories when you can!

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12 Alexandra February 22, 2012 at 7:26 am

That honeyscrisp DOES look like the best one ever, talk about crisp! :D
And I cannot believe you mentioned the combo of blackberries and cottage cheese, I was just telling my friend yesterday how obsessed I am with that combo–especially when pb is added on top! IT’S SO GOOD!!! I’m foamin at the mouth just thinking about it haha ;)
Hope you have a wonderful Wednesday my lovely lady!
Alexandra recently posted..Starships Were Meant to Fly

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13 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Well I certainly need to add pb on top next time!

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14 Vien @ We Dare Food February 22, 2012 at 7:31 am

I’m completely understand about the mental thing! Part of me actually enjoy eating the food that used to scare me (mine was rice & noodles- major asian food staple!) but the other half of me.. let just say that I’d gladly dump it in a trash bag and fling it to Antartica. The not-hungry-while-doing-an-assignment thing used to be my ‘cover story’ whenever someone questioned me. The truth was, I was starving! ;)

I actually enjoy your blog style! :) I appreciate the thought you put into every sentence! I love that you address important issues and add personal touches to them.
Vien @ We Dare Food recently posted..Thanh Ha 2, Richmond

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15 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:58 pm

Well thank you Vien, that means a lot to hear you say such nice words :)

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16 Heidi @ Idlehide February 22, 2012 at 8:02 am

I am loving your blog! I’m glad you’re eating more wholesome meals now:)
I never forget to eat! I think it is something I should try one of these snack times;) Mint M&M’s?? Ohhh yum!
Heidi @ Idlehide recently posted..proper deadlifts

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17 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Yesss try them sometime… amazing!

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18 Sarah @ feeedingbrainandbody February 22, 2012 at 8:03 am

I love this day in the life! I tend to workout later morning after my breakfast has digested, I enjoy the workout much more that way! I always have a morning snack, and usually it’s almost bigger then my lunch haha! :)
Sarah @ feeedingbrainandbody recently posted..How Geeky can I get?

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19 chelcie @ chelcie's food files February 22, 2012 at 8:26 am

all of your eats look delicious! I know its challenging for you on a daily basis but good for you for fighting your thoughts and doing what is right..which is nourishing your body! oh and I totally agree with you on the Courtney situation..if she ends up winning I’m never watching the bachelor again!
chelcie @ chelcie’s food files recently posted..WIAW-Stressin me Out

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20 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Ahh I could not agree more! Bye Bachelor if that happens

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21 Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table February 22, 2012 at 8:35 am

Dark chocolate MINT M&Ms??? I think I’m in love.

I tend to eat a traditional times, but I always look forward to an afternoon snack and a before bed snack. There’s nothing worse than going to bed hungry!

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22 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Seriously, that is so true!

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23 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile February 22, 2012 at 8:51 am

Honestly, if I am SUPER sweaty (which is most of the time because I am a sweaty beast), I will shower before eating because I am gross! I live with roommates and can you imagine me sitting at the dining room table dripping sweat.. yum haha nooo so I feel ya on that one girl :D Looks like a wonderful day of eats !!! Those M&Ms look so good :D

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24 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:53 pm

Lol well that is a good point… I am sure your roommates appreciate it ;)

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25 Kaitlin @4loveofcarrots February 22, 2012 at 8:58 am

wohoo you just made my day, I never win anything!! I am soo thrilled!! Your eats look so good, I need to get my hands on those dark chocolate mint m&m’s I love mint and dark chocolate!

P.s. I tend to eat salads most days, they are just so good and when you make your own they are filled with so much produce and yummy protein that they really help keep you full.

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26 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:51 pm

That is true.. salads really do keep you full with the correct nutrients!

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27 Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen February 22, 2012 at 9:08 am

Thank you, yet again, for your honesty. And, yet again, I can relate SO easily to a lot of your thoughts and struggles. I have overcome a lot of these disordered eating thoughts and habits, but I am also in the process of needing to gain some weight after a stressful move and new job, etc., and even when you know it is the healthy thing to do, the fact that “gaining” has negative connotations is hard to overcome.

OK, DARK chocolate mint M&Ms? REALLY?!?! I can’t control myself around M&Ms in general, much less the regular mint….
Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen recently posted..What (Mama Smart) Ate Wednesday

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28 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:53 pm

It really is hard to overcome, but I always try my best to remember that it is the best thing for me and is necessary! Thank you for thoughts here Sarah!

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29 A February 22, 2012 at 9:14 am

Seems you may want more right after “dinner” because all you have to eat is a side dish. Where is the protein? (All day, not just dinner.) I know greek yogurt and cottage cheese have some protein, but maybe a big ole chunk of steak/chicken/fish would help you feel more full instead of constantly hungry? I’ve been recovering for like a decade+ now (yes, it’s a forever process) and find that when I feel comfortably full/sated, the constant thoughts of food are easier to shut down so I don’t want to eat all the time. Just a thought.

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30 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 9:35 am

Not a bad or incorrect thought at all! I know that plain greek yogurt has a ton of protein in it, but protein from other sources could help out. I don’t like eating the meet at school too often though, but when I go home, I will be making changes. Thank you for the suggestion!

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31 Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries February 22, 2012 at 9:23 am

early mornings is my favorite time of the day too. like you said, it’s so peaceful – i love it. your eats look mighty tasty!!! i definitely need to try those dark chocolate almonds and mint M&Ms, both of which i know i’d love (especially since we have the same taste buds ;) ). i could never ever get sick of sweet potatoes either – LOVE!
Ashley @ My Food ‘N’ Fitness Diaries recently posted..WIAW {What I Ate Wednesday} #22: Short & Simple

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32 Kat February 22, 2012 at 9:25 am

dark chocolate mint m&ms!!!! omg loooooove those. my hubby bought me a pack a while back and I DEMOLISHED them. and when I say pack I mean the big bags, not an individual one! lol. and I wish I could have a salad every day, but I am so bad at making them!! whenever I make them at home they never taste right, and I get so sick of them! The only kind I can make right is an apple, cranberry and feta one. I guess since I hate uncooked veggies it can be a struggle. I just have to roast them all up first, but then I dont like hot things in my cold salad! I know…Im difficult ;)
Kat recently posted..WIAW & Chicken and Dumpling Soup

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33 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:28 pm

Mmm that sounds like a tasty salad to me… such great flavors!

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34 Mattie @ Comfy and Confident February 22, 2012 at 9:28 am

That trail mix looks so good. I am obsessed with trailmix!
I try to eat 5 small meals a day. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. When it does I am so much more satisfied and feel so much better about myself. I just need to make it more consistent.

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35 Carrie @Shrinking Carrie February 22, 2012 at 9:38 am

I definitely don’t think “poor you, you have to GAIN weight”! Honestly it is hard on either side of the spectrum. I am overweight and I have what I would call an ED with over eating and food addiction. I have the same thoughts you have, but they are the exact opposite (if that makes sense?). It is a constant battle in my head and I can imagine that the two situations are somewhat similar. I looks like you are fighting a good fight and winning the battle!
Carrie @Shrinking Carrie recently posted..WIAW: Fake Meat Flop

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36 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Thank you for sharing this Carrie. You are so right, the thoughts are so similar are both sides of the spectrum. This shows that EDs all have very similar underlying thoughts

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37 Michelle @ Our Dream, Made Out of Real Things February 22, 2012 at 9:44 am

Sounds like you have your schedule down pretty well (and I am super jealous of your eats! I need to start putting more effort into my snacks). The biggest challenge for me has been packing ENOUGH food with me for school. I am an hour away from my home, so I have to pack snacks and a lunch with me before I leave the house. This can be challenging because what I think might fill me up sometimes doesn’t and I find my tummy growling on the way home. I pack lunches for my husband every night, so I think I should start doing the same for myself and adding in more trail mixes and fruits like you do.
Michelle @ Our Dream, Made Out of Real Things recently posted..Bad Blogger!!!

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38 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:23 pm

Thank you Michelle :) I think with a bit more planning and trial and error, you will pack the amount you need and then get better at knowing how much to bring! Just try bringing a few extra snacks, it’s okay if you don’t eat them, but they are good to have with you just in case :)

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39 Dorsa @ Running Thoughts February 22, 2012 at 9:49 am

Uh did you see my post on Birthday Cake Oreos!!!!! New product.. best thing ever..

Also I would like to try these M&Ms.. I love dark chocolate mint!
Dorsa @ Running Thoughts recently posted..Midweek Confessions

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40 Daybelis martinez February 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

I am so proof of you tessa you don’t even realize how far you have gotten…I actually looked at past wiaw if yours and can truly see your progress. I have set eating times and not by choice but because my body is accustomed to it. I eat breakfast at 5 am, a protein shake at 9 , lunch usually at 11:30 , another snack at 2:30, dinner at 5:30 and dessert at 7:30.I am just listening to my body and before I struggled with eating earlier than what I thought to be “normal”.As for a new product I am loving the new kashi go lean cinnamon crumble cereal, it’s so good mixed with Greek yogurt. The best thing I ate this past week was my mom’s Asian baked chicken.

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41 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Thank you girl! Your comments ALWAYS bring a smile to my face :)

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42 Daybelis martinez February 22, 2012 at 9:51 am

*proud lol

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43 Melissa February 22, 2012 at 9:54 am

Wow. I am so impressed! One of the things I’ve realized is that I don’t eat nearly enough, but it’s so scary to start! You did it exactly right as far as I’m concerned! I really am afraid to eat more. Guess it’s something I need to practice. The snacks always scare me because I’m so worried about night eating or that after dinner craving that I won’t be able to squash. I am going to start working with a dietitian so I’m hoping that will help to hold me accountable!
Melissa recently posted..Fat Elvis Muffins

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44 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I am always so afraid too Melissa, but I continue to show myself that I don’t blow up by always posing challenges for the disorder! I bet the dietitian will help a whole lot!

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45 Colleen February 22, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hey, good post! It’s always interesting to read about “a day in the life” of other ppl. Here’s my “typical” day (which honestly varies daily..)
4am: Wide awak! Energy bunny (no lie)
4:30-7am: Teach aerobics, kill some HIIT and Interval training
7-7:45am: Mad rush to get showered, dressed, on the road to work
7:45-8am: Drive to work, put on make-up!
8-12pm: Teach school, sneak in some bites of oatmeal/egg whites/coffee whenever/if ever possible
12-12:15pm: Lunch break, but this is when I go to the b’room, make a few copies, answer e-mails. I can’t eat this “early” b/c I’ll never survive my pm gym classes.
12:15-2:15pm: Teach school
2:15-2:20pm: Class change, heat up my lunch
2:20-3:45pm: Teach school, sneak in some bites of lunch whenever/if ever possible
3:45-4:30pm: Meetings, make copies, change into gym clothes, drive to gym
4:30-7pm: Teach aerobics
7-11pm: FINALLY HOME. Shower!! Get unpacked/repacked for tomorrow, talk to husband, watch TV, eat some sort of “kitchen sink” salad for dinner, shower, bed.
BORINGGGG. But there is honestly NO TIME to ever sit down to a true meal. NEVER!!! But I’ve lived this crazy life for years….
No new eats or food finds! Have a great rest of the week!

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46 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm

I can seriously never get over how busy you are! Perhaps one day you will feel more comfortable changing your schedule around to fit in more sit down meals? I bet you could, when you feel comfortable enough to, or are ready to give yourself a bit of a kick in the butt :)

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47 Laura @ LauraLikesDesign February 22, 2012 at 10:52 am

Oh my goodness those M&Ms sound wonderful! I must find those right away! Have you ever tried the coconut ones?!
Laura @ LauraLikesDesign recently posted..Bump it Up (A Hair Tutorial)

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48 Steph @ StephSnacks February 22, 2012 at 11:44 am

I definitely used to have some of the same exact tendencies as you. It is so amazing that you can talk yourself through most of this. And like you, I liked to have something sweet RIGHT after dinner, so I will have a couple M&M’s or something very light and then about an hour later (after I write my blog post) I enjoy a deep chocolate vitamuffin or some low fat ice cream… something simple but delicious!
Steph @ StephSnacks recently posted..Boston, Part 2

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49 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I certainly do a lot of self talk throughout the day! I love vitamuffins… I need to get some back in my life

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50 Lisa ♥ Healthful Sense February 22, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I’m w/ you!! Never will I get sick of sweet potato + greek yogurt + nut butter. Totally satisfying =)
Happy WIAW my friend!!
Lisa ♥ Healthful Sense recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday: PB & Honey Butternut Squash

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51 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:14 pm

Ha I am glad you agree :)

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52 Anna @ The Guiltless Life February 22, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Oh how I LOVE and miss M&Ms! Eating a naturally-sweetened diet doesn’t leave much room for them but I do like to include a few now and then, I just so miss the crunch!

Your fruit plate looks awesome too – fresh grapes and that slab of melon has me drooling!

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53 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:19 pm

Aww you have to have some sometimes! Life is too short so I am glad you do on occasion :)

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54 Haley @ Health Freak College Girl February 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm

i always love when bloggers do “a day in the life” posts. and dark chocolate mint m&m’s?!?!? ohmygosh
Haley @ Health Freak College Girl recently posted..i haven’t always been healthy

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55 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Yesss go get some of that candy PRONTOOOO

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56 CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com February 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Thank you so much for sharing this! I have very similar thoughts and feelings during the process of recovery…”Ok CJ you should totally go harder on the treadmill…incline, speed…” and snacks are always difficult! plus I get up at 4 am so my meals are always early compared to the normal person…breakfast at 6:30…snack at 10…lunch at 1215….dinner at 530…snack at 8…such an odd schedule!
im sad you have negative thoughts throughout the day, but i totally relate girl! you are not alone and you are an inspiration to me!
CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com recently posted..WIAW: Trying Out The New Plan

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57 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:55 pm

Thank you CJ! I always forget that you get up so darn early… so you must eat at earlier times! I am honored to be helping you… keep staying STRONG!

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58 Amy Lauren February 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm

I’ve never seen those M&Ms, but they sound pretty good. I like dark chocolate so I bet I’d like them.

I think it’s totally fine if you eat a salad every day for lunch provided that’s what you want to eat for lunch. Hey, if you like salad you like salad, some people do… I do for one :). Just make sure that’s coming from you and not the ED, which is hard to do, distinguishing between those identities…

And yeah… I have gotten so wrapped up in stuff before that I forgot to eat! I work as a writer at a software company, and I think it happens to people here because we’re nerds and we get in that zone.

I tend not to eat much in the mornings and do most of my eating in the afternoon hours. I’m just not very hungry when I get up.
Amy Lauren recently posted..A Weekend of Celebrations- Homecoming, Valentine’s, and my first Mardi Gras!

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59 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Great point Amy, it is hard to distinguish between the ED and want I truly want. I think sometimes i honestly do want a salad and perhaps others it’s the ED talking. Therefore challenging myself a bit more often would be helpful

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60 Sara @my less serious life February 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

i found this post really interesting, tessa! i have a lot of these same tendancies (as i’m sure i’ve told you). especially, the get dressed and showered before breakfast thing! oh well. working on it with you. :) also, as you have commented on my blog – the sweet potato + yogurt + nut butter combination is and will always be one of my favorite go to’s. yum!
Sara @my less serious life recently posted..what i ate wednesday: issue 22

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61 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:56 pm

All we can do is work on it!

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62 Sarah @ Every Day's a Picnic February 22, 2012 at 1:27 pm

Wow – mint chocolate M&Ms sound great! I’m a big fan of the mint & chocolate combination too. Your meals and snacks look great to me and are actually quite similar to what I eat on a daily basis.
Your question about forgetting to eat is a very interesting one, because I NEVER forget to eat and I can’t remember the last time I skipped a meal. On the one hand I guess this is healthy, but I’m not sure how normal it is – I ask myself if I’m too focused on food. My other half forgets to eat all the time, but then he’ll get really hungry later and gorge himself on chocolate, which is not a healthy habit!
Sarah @ Every Day’s a Picnic recently posted..Wednesday Brain Dump

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63 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm

it really is hard to decide if it is healthy or not..the amount we think about food. I guess finding the balance is the only way to “normalize it.” Like you said, you don’t want to obsess all of the time, like we do, but also don’t want to forget and then binge later! Gahh a continuous work in progress

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64 Laura @ LauraLivesLife February 22, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I’m always amazed at how much I eat now, compared with how much I ate before – and I swear, I’m still hungry all the time! Love your perspective on eating – I still struggle with eating most of my food at night. I know it’s because I’m busy during the day, but I hate the ravenous feeling! I’m trying to work out fueling better throughout the day!

I have a confession to make… I like Courtney now! Crazy, right?
Laura @ LauraLivesLife recently posted..Hungry for WIAW

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65 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:56 pm

You like Courtney now?!? I Guess I will find a way to forgive you ;) Hahaha

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66 Maggie @ Running on Fro-Yo February 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I used to ALWAYS try to eat lunch super late so that I would could wait until dinner without a snack…now I have a snack between breakfast and lunch AND lunch and dinner every day! :D

Also, those dark chocolate mint m&ms look delicious! I hope I see them in a store soon because I have to try them!
Maggie @ Running on Fro-Yo recently posted..WIAW & Giving Up Negative Self-Talk

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67 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:57 pm

That is what I used to do! I would neverrrr snack, ever! Now like you, I have at least two :)

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68 Maggie @ Running on Fro-Yo February 22, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Oh and I have a sweet potato OBSESSION yet have never thought to put nut butter on one..I must try this soon!
Maggie @ Running on Fro-Yo recently posted..WIAW & Giving Up Negative Self-Talk

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69 Jen @ Whittle My Middle February 22, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Looks like a great spread of food! I totally agree with you on the mental challenge of eating. I always have internal debates about things.
Jen @ Whittle My Middle recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday – Feb 21

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70 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm

The internal battles sure get old! I can’t wait until they go awayyy

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71 Allie February 22, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Mint M&Ms in trail mix?? You are a source of inspiration :) And I know how mentally challenging it can be to gain weight! Especially when every ad/product/food item is specifically geared towards losing weight! What snack labels their product as “high fat” or “high calorie”?? No one, so when it comes time to go for those foods, it seems so wrong, there is no external message out there supporting your goals, so it is a solo struggle to do what’s right. I love reading about the hard work you do to make yourself healthy! Way to overcome/move through challenges. And enjoy a mint M&M or two ;D
Allie recently posted..Costa Rica: The Food

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72 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:31 pm

Yesss so so true! And like I said, physically it’s easy for me, but mentally, yeah freakin right!

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73 HollieisFueledByLOLZ February 22, 2012 at 3:51 pm

I feel you girl on people saying things along the lines of “oh how I wish I had to gain weight” what an easy task…blah blah blah. NO! I honestly think gaining weight is just as hard as losing and it quite bothers me when people think otherwise.
HollieisFueledByLOLZ recently posted..Fisher Cats!

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74 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:00 pm

It bothers me too… and like I said, physically it’s easy for me to. The mental part, yeah a whole different story

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75 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health February 22, 2012 at 4:02 pm

I WANT those mint M&Ms!! Holy yum I’m sure they are amazing. The times of my breakfast are somewhat varied, it just depends on when I get up. I usually have some sort of snack around 10am, lunch around noon, and afternoon snack around 3, dinner between 5:30-6, and another snack at 8! And I’m pretty sure that I never forget that I’m hungry haha.
Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health recently posted..I’ve Got Your Number Book Review

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76 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Ha i neverrrr forget I am hungry either, eva!

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77 Rachel February 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Recently, I have been waiting way too long to have lunch. Not necessarily intentionally, but because I have had meetings or been studying or just been distracted by something else. I know I should plan better and pack something to have with me. I know I shouldn’t secretly be happy that I made it as long as I did before I ate. It makes me snack incessantly in the evening, and I know I shouldn’t do that either. I am definitely working on it by trying to carve out more time to make myself a solid, substantial lunch at a “normal” lunch time, but as you know, it’s a long and winding road to getting completely, psychologically comfortable with that.

Another great post!
Rachel recently posted..Forgiving Myself

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78 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:48 pm

Hi Rachel, it’s good to read that you are recognizing that this is something that is not beneficial for you and are wiling to make a change. Keep sticking with that mentality!

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79 Jentry Nielsen February 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Sounds like you are making great progress girl! I am sure it will be a long haul, but baby steps are key! :)
I LOVE baked sweet potatoes I swear I could eat them every night for dinner as well! ha
I’ve never tried blueberries in my cottage cheese, that does sounds pretty tasty! I’ll have to give that one a shot! That’s what I love about Wednesdays, WIAW, get to see so many new ideas!!!

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80 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:33 pm

Thank you Jentry… you are right, it’s all about the small steps!

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81 Alexis February 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I can really relate to everything that you’re talking about with the timing and struggling between what’s appropriate and “pushing the time” a little.. like after a workout – should I have a shake or just wait a few more minutes and have breakfast after my shower. It’s definitely a constant battle!

Now I eat when I’m hungry – I really stopped caring about what time it is and if I’m hungry then so be it haha!
Alexis recently posted..Tastebuds and Trader Joe’s

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82 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I love that you are getting so much better about this… inspiring for me to read Alexis!

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83 Frances February 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Tessa !

Your honesty always impresses me. It’s refreshing to read your blog; you are frank about your struggles but optimistic about your future. You neither condone nor deny eating disordered behavior/thoughts- you accept the pain and push through, and the way you convey your successes and slip-ups is level-headed. You’re easy to relate to. Keep up the fight!

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84 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:44 pm

Hi France, wow thank you for your words here! I really do not hold anything back and I am glad you see and appreciate that. Thanks for stopping by!

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85 Julia @ girl with a stethoscope February 22, 2012 at 5:38 pm

I also love waking up early (although with me working nights, that’s not so possible anymore haha). Dark choc mint M&M’s?? YUM! Never heard of those!

I like your meals – they sound balanced and quite nutritional. It must have been so hard for you to adjust to eating this way and starting to be okay with these daily choices. It will only get easier as time goes by, I am sure :)
Julia @ girl with a stethoscope recently posted..workout wednesday #6

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86 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 7:59 pm

It is hard..but the constant challenge shows that I don’t blow up like a fatty!

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87 Kelsey @ The Secret Life of Kelsey February 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm

I just tasted the new Chobani Apple Cinnamon flavorrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
Kelsey @ The Secret Life of Kelsey recently posted..Fun Announcement!!!

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88 Natasha February 22, 2012 at 6:29 pm

I usually just end when I feel hungry, but I typically I will wake up anywhere from 5 to 6 and IMMEDIATELY eat breakfast – I’ve been that way ever since I was a little kid…breakfast is the first thing on my mind and I can literally count on one hand the amount of times I’ve skipped breakfast in the past few years. Otherwise I will get too hungry and have super low energy for the rest of the day!
The only problem I struggle with is post-workout nutrition – I’m honestly never hungry after I get back from the gym or from a run, which is horrible for my body! I’m working on it though! However, sometimes I find that if I complete a super intense workout, and then I try to eat right after I get insanely nauseous and sometimes sick!
That sweet potato looks DIVINE – i haven’t had one in foreverrrrrrrrrrrr. Now I’m definitely craving in lol!
Natasha recently posted..Ability to adapt and relief

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89 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:26 am

I feel ya on the post workout thing.. sometimes I am crazy hungry and other times not at all! All you can do is work on it and it sounds like you are doing just that :)

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90 sarah (onedayiwillseethesun) February 22, 2012 at 6:40 pm

man all your posts are like reading my thoughts, I was constantly nodding throughout reading lol. I amthe exact same, about having a *perfect meal*, te worst time one is my breakfast. I tend to have meals later too, as have a big fear of being hngry before bed. Weight gain is very hard,a nd I hate the constant ed thoughts that enter everytime I eat, do a workout out ooh I can now eat cause “I have earned it” so wrong I know. One day we will be free. The best thing ive ate recently was actually a poacked pear that my bouyfriend cooked me with cinammon and star anise.

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91 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 6:58 pm

Yes Sarah, one day we will both be free, if we want to and make the effort to reach that point!

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92 Michelle {lively kitchen} February 22, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I have never forgotten to eat. Sometimes I am out and about with the kids or running errands and don’t get to eat, but I am remembering I’m hungry the whole time. One bonus of kids is that you tend to carry snacks, so I usually have something to tide me over, even if it is a handful of cheerios.

When I get really stressed I do lose my appetite, but thankfully life is pretty good right now and my appetite is just fine.
Michelle {lively kitchen} recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday – A Day in Pictures

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93 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:25 am

I am glad that things are good for you right now.. losing your appetite is never beneficial thing of course!

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94 Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie February 22, 2012 at 7:43 pm

Oh my gosh, those M&Ms look amazing, I love love love the combo of mint and dark chocolate! Though to be honest, I am still working on feeling ‘safe’ with eating chocolate, right now I feel okay eating about a teaspoon of dark chocolate chips per day so definitely progress over a year ago!

Your go-to dinner is my go-to dinner lately, well minus the Greek yogurt! I love topping my sweet potatoes with peanut flour paste and almond peanut cashew butter–nutty flavors pair so well with sweet potatoes and I’m always totally satisfied, plus I get a veggie serving. Win win!
Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie recently posted..WIAW: Goals for March

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95 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:24 am

Glad to hear you are making progress.. try adding one more teaspoon per day and show yourself that nothing bad happens at all!

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96 Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry February 22, 2012 at 7:44 pm

I just watched your v-log Tessa, you are beautiful!!!

Well you prettttty much know my thoughts on food, but I will try to weigh in on your questions anyway. I typically eat at between 6:30-7am, 10:30am, 12:30pm, 3-3:30pm, 6:30pm, sometimes snack at 8ish. I don’t have to eat at those times, but in my regular routine it’s just a habit.

It is very very rare that I am so busy I miss lunch. If I’m out, possibly, but if I’m just sitting in my office, I am counting down the minutes to 12:30 and I can’t understand how people forget to eat. I’ll often see my boss going to get his lunch at like 3pm and he’ll be like “I’ve been so busy I forgot to eat!” and I’ll be like “WTF is wrong with you?” That would not happen to me, my tummy would definitely remind me that IT’S TIME TO EAT.

Once again Tessa, I love how honest you are! You are obviously having a huge impact around the internets :)
Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry recently posted..If You Could Google Anything…

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97 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:09 am

I do know your thoughts on food (to a certain extent at least :) ) but I more than appreciate hearing your words here whenever you can! As I have said a number of times, your healthy and well normal view of food and LIFE is truly inspiring for me! And motivating too, I need a kick in the ass sometimes and you show me that going through a day without all of this BS is quite possible!
Thank you for adding your thoughts here miss Lindsey :)

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98 Nicole Schuman February 22, 2012 at 8:51 pm

I noticed that even though your very health conscious with being fir and healthy, you still manage to indulge yourself with those killer foods. :) Thank you for sharing!
Nicole Schuman recently posted..claims advice

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99 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 10:02 pm

No problem Nicole, thank you for stopping by!

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100 Tara February 22, 2012 at 9:04 pm

As mentally difficult as gaining was, I think that once I mentally committed to gaining my approach to food totally changed and since then I haven’t really had disordered thoughts!! Just this past weekend I ate fondue and crepes in the same meal at an unusual time for me… and I didn’t think twice about it until afterwards when I could see how far I have come!

mint m&ms = love. So. Freaking. Good.
Tara recently posted..Let’s Race! #Team17

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101 Chelsea @ The Nut Butter Runner February 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

I am forced to shower and get dressed and walk to class before I eat breakfast because I have 8:30 class on T/R and 9:00 class on MWF, and I get back from the gym at around 8 usually, so it’s tough to get to class on time. I usually eat a few handfuls of grapes and cereal at the dining hall when I get my oatmeal though, so I’m not dying. On the weekend, I’m all about eating ASAP after my run or ride.
I always forget I’m hungry when I’m working on mapping for my geology class, or doing labs for my other geology class. I get so sucked into it! In other classes, I’m acutely aware of when I can stop doing work and go eat.. Lolz.
Also, I seriously can’t believe how open and honest you always are. This must help SO much in your recovery! Whenever you feel like you’ve not pushed yourself enough, remember how far you’ve come and just remember as long as you’re moving away from the ED a little bit every day, you’re making progress!
Chelsea @ The Nut Butter Runner recently posted..Nearly Wordless WIAW 10!

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102 tessa8m February 22, 2012 at 10:03 pm

I think it’s wonderful how much you get involved in your work, it shows how interested you are! And thank you Chelsea, it does help a whole lot!

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103 Stellina @ My Yogurt Addiction February 22, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I feel like I eat all day long!

Wake up: 6:30 have some almonds before I leave for work
Breakfast at work 8:45-9am: Chobani (plain) with truvia and flax seed
Snack 10:30-11am: Cottage cheese with flax
Lunch 1-1:30 p.m: Either a salad with chicken or an omelete (usually)
Snack 3-4:30 p.m: Either a bar, almonds, apple or a rice cake with peanut butter, followed by MORE peanut butter and a coffee
Dinner 6:30-7:30: Usually chicken with salad or some sort of fish with salad
Late night snack: Chocolate sometimes, or some more almonds

That’s for during the week, the weekend is wayyy worse!
BTW, that sweet potato looks incredible!
Stellina @ My Yogurt Addiction recently posted..Hot Yoga on my Mind

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104 teabagginit February 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm

i had my first peanut pretzel luna and it is awesome! i know that i rely on salads and fat free foods to stay “safe” but it’s a balance. i eat more and am at a healthy weight even if i’m not completely stepping out of the comfort zone. it’s all a balance and sometimes it’s the baby steps that take us there!
teabagginit recently posted..Mum’s the Word Monday – Bites of Bliss

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105 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin February 22, 2012 at 10:31 pm

I loved reading about a day in the life of Tessa! :D

I wish I could workout in the morning before breakfast like you because it would save me SO much time, but I always have such a bad workout unless I eat a full meal first. :P

Also I so know what you mean about having that fear of getting hungry at bed time. I always eat a night time snack even if I’m not hungry for one because I hate waking up starving in the middle of the night!!

Haha and I never “forget” to eat either – when I’m hungry, my stomach makes it loud and clear to me!
Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin recently posted..WIAW #26: What I ate for Mardi Gras

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106 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Ha yes same for me too… and that hunger will of course not shut up!

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107 Ashley Pomes February 22, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Thank you so much for sharing this. This is something that I deal with too. It sounds like you are making great progress though :)
-I forget that I need to eat so many times. I just get so busy between school and work I forget. It is strange because food is on my mind all the time but the minute I throw myself in my work I forget for a little then look up and hours have passed.
-I am struggling to challenge myself but I am working on it. I am starting to get use to some of the changes. Eating more is so hard but it I am starting to become ok with it but I would be lying when I say that I can go a whole day without anxiety about it even if it is a little. I try and see each small victory as progress and a way to build for the future.

-I recently tried clif mojo bars and love them. It did not try the for the longest time because it contains nuts, a fear food of mine.
-The best thing I ate in the past 7 days where the quick veggie burgers I made this week. They tasted so much better then the packaged ones.
Happy WIAW :) Thanks for sharing
Ashley Pomes recently posted..WIAW #16..Working on it!

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108 Sara @ Nourish and Flourish February 23, 2012 at 3:02 am

If you’re a weirdo, I’m a weirdo too. Yep, I definitely squirt ketchup on my salad! :-) It’s a habit I picked up in the depths of my ED, because regular salad dressings were WAY too scary. However it truly was an acquired taste, and I continue to love ketchup with all vegetables! The same goes for mustard. I try to check in frequently to make sure I’m not enjoying this combination solely because it “saves” me calories. Sometimes it’s hard to determine whether a food habit is motivated solely by restricting thoughts or whether it’s a habit I’ve stuck with because I TRULY enjoy it. In the case of the ketchup, I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. :-)

Anyways…I really loved this post, Tessa! Like you, I used to always wait longer to eat than I should have. It definitely stemmed from a fear that I’d overindulge later, so I top loaded my calories at nighttime. This is a pattern I still fight on a daily basis; I find that I have to very conscious of the destructive thoughts, otherwise I’ll let them “win” without even realizing it. Old patterns sure do die hard.

I need to get my hands on a pack of mint M&Ms. I love the idea of mixing them into a trail mix. :)
Sara @ Nourish and Flourish recently posted..Cheese Grits and Giving It Up

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109 tessa8m February 24, 2012 at 7:37 pm

We are both not weirdos lady! Just umm unique in some cases around food :) I think the ketchup thing is the latter… it is just so darn tasty!

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110 Kat @ a dash of fairydust February 23, 2012 at 7:25 am

Hmm,while you tend to eat later,I am the opposite and always tend to eat a bit earlier because I am scared of NOT being hungry until my next meal or going to bed feeling uncomfortable and full…! Unfortunately,I therefore often go to bed hungry and cannot sleep in the end,which is not so nice. :/

I honestly can barely stop thinking about food anytime… Pretty sad,I know,but that’s what ED does to us: It makes us forget about what is REALLY important in life. :(

Anyways,it’s amazing how honest you always are – towards us,your readers,as well as towards yourself!
And those M&Ms sound like heaven… I love the combo of chocolate & mint more than anything,but of course,that kond of candy isn’t sold here. :( Aaaaaw,I want to live in America soooo baaaad!
Kat @ a dash of fairydust recently posted..I [cry]. I [try].

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111 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Going to sleep hungry is never a good idea Kat, it feels awful! Just try having a small evening snack right before bed, and you will sleep much more soundly! I still think about food all.of.the.time too, but I know it will get better with time!

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112 Jill February 23, 2012 at 8:04 am

Where do you eat all your meals? Wondering what you do while eating? (I need distraction via TV or computer…opposite of what one “should” do , but I get bored). Also, how do you take pics in a dining hall? or cook food in your room?

You have a ton of room to add more food! God, I wish I worked out. Anyway.

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113 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Hi Jill! I eat my meals in a few different places… that apple on the way to the gym, breakfast in my room, snack in the library or other random part of campus, lunch in the dining hall, snack on the go again.. wherever I am on campus, and this night dinner was in my room. I am always reading something or talking to someone when I eat- I know according to everyone I should not and focus on the food, but I also get bored. I take pics in the dining hall and people probably see me doing it and wonder what the heck I am doing. But I don’t care :) I have a microwave in my room so I do minimal cooking there and also there is a tiny kitchen which I use occasionally!

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114 Kellie February 23, 2012 at 10:27 am

I put off my meals as long as possible to. I have a fear of being hungry later when I have already used my calories for the day. I am working on it, but it is hard. I also tend to have to have the perfect meal. Must be clean, have quiet, right time, etc. I am trying to work on it. I actually started taking a class at the gym that starts earlier. It forces me to eat breakfast in the car after dropping the kids off and although for most people this is frowned upon, for me it is forcing me to give up the “perfect meal” and actually challenging ed.

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115 tessa8m February 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm

That is fantastic you are challenging yourself! We both no that small steps add up to improvement

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116 Carrie Purchase February 23, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I recently found your blog- love it! I too used to be really small- I just post a small bit about my journey!
I eat like 7 times a day:
7:00 Breakfast
10:00 Morning Snack
1:00 Lunch
4:00 Pre-Workout
7:00-7:30 Post-Workout Shake
8:30 Dinner
10:30 Pre-Bed Meal
Carrie Purchase recently posted..My Journey

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117 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:18 pm

Thank you for stopping by Carrie!

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118 Jess @ Blonde Ponytail February 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

You had me at chocolate AND mint–my favs as well. Sounds like you are educating yourself and others through your blog–holy comments!

Evening time is THE WORST for me–i get super snacky and it affects my sleep! boo hiss!
Jess @ Blonde Ponytail recently posted..Let’s get real: This is just a glimpse…

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119 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:04 pm

This is so true for me too! If I eat too close and too much to bedtime I feel soo gross and don’t want to sleep with that feeling

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120 Kate @ Chasing It February 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

this is such a great day-in-the life, complete with all your thoughts!! I love it! I definitely have experienced a lot of the same thoughts, especially needing to clean up before eating breakfast! Being injured totally changed that one for me though – After the year I’ve had, I don’t fck around with recovery nutrition anymore lol. And I’m totally with you on the evening snackage!! I work out before breakfast so I plan to have a pretty big evening snack, but lately I’ve been feeling SO ravenous like right after I eat dinner. I think it’s cuz I’ve been splitting my workout into AM and PM sessions to take some stress off my muscles while still getting in as much as my coach wants, and so of course if I eat much protein/fat in between, well…workout #2 really feels like poo haha. so of course after dinner my body’s like GIVE ME FAT AND PROTEIN lol. I guess as long as it evens out….? lol oh, and Mint M&M’s are the SHIT!!!! I picked some of those up the other day and…omg. party in my mouth.
Kate @ Chasing It recently posted..Until Later (but hopefully sooner)

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121 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:03 pm

Haha I can’t blame you for not messing around with recovery nutrition! And I am sure that dedication is helping you more than you know right now! I am sure that splitting of the workouts is making you hungrier and that is so good you are listening to your bod!

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122 Sophie @ Love Live & Learn February 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Tessa first of can I say I’ve noticed lately how much your photography is improving, even if you say it’s not your strong point, some of these photos are lovely :-)

Secondly I am so proud of you when I read things like this! I really do think you are, slowly but surely, getting much better and you are so strong lovely! It upsets me so much that you struggle with it to this point, every single day, but I really do think with you’re attitude and the support you receive that you will do this! You’ve come so far already!

And lastly, on a minor note, my sister adores mint chocolate and would be so jealous of those mint chocolate M&Ms :-P
Sophie @ Love Live & Learn recently posted..Ash Wednesday and the Beginning of Lent.

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123 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Well thank you Sophie…a compliment on my photos is amazing coming from you!!

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124 Kaitlyn@TheTieDyeFiles February 23, 2012 at 6:24 pm

Nice insight into your life! I used to force myself to wait until certain times to eat my precisely weighed meals and snacks. And I ate the EXACT same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY. I enjoy my life so much more now, and since I’ve been listening to my hunger my snack schedule has gotten restructured a bit. Though I do find that I tend to eat at the same time every day because I get hungry at the same times every day.

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125 tessa8m February 23, 2012 at 7:01 pm

YEsss I love hearing about your progress Kaitlyn :)

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126 Brittany February 23, 2012 at 6:49 pm

Your days sound great, mine vary a bit with work schedules..but I tend to eat around the same times everyday.
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127 Bethany @ Accidental Intentions February 23, 2012 at 9:42 pm

I spy Trader Joe’s Oh My Omega trail mix! I’m…well, I was going to say I’m crazy about that trail mix, and then I was going to amend it to say I’m crazy about all TJ’s trail mix, but let’s be real here: I’m crazy about anything and everything a person can find in Trader Joe’s. I’m proof that it’s possible to be in love with a grocery store.

…but anyways…

I really like the format of this post! I’ve seen a lot of WIAWs, and I thought you organized this week’s WIAW in a really cool, more original way. A+ dear :)
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128 Bethany @ Accidental Intentions February 23, 2012 at 9:44 pm

Oh, and also, WHHHHAAAAAATTTTT?????? Mint Dark Chocolate M & Ms?!?!?!?!?!?! Girl, you should NOT have posted about those during Lent! Oh man, you better believe those are going to be very high on my list of Things I Must Eat on Easter Sunday haha.
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129 tessa8m February 24, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Thank you Bethany! I try to put a spin on WIAW sometimes… gives me something to think about as well :)

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130 Caitlin February 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

Seriously, are we twins? Mind twins? Food twins? Anything twins? I can relate to everything and I like the idea of going through a daily routine because it helps you point out areas to improve upon in recovery.
1. Waiting and showering after I work out and before I refuel is something I ALWAYS do. I just hate eating right away and then showering. Even if I am starved I always shower first and get clean. I run into this issue a lot before din since I work out in the late afternoons usually.
2. Morning snacks are such a challenge. Afternoon snacks are also becoming more frequent but I have my safe options like you – the fruit/cottage cheese is what I eat in the afternoon almost each day.
3. Questioning whether or not I am hungry enough for dinner and if I am eating it too late is something I find myself doing constantly.
4. I LOVE MY SALAD LUNCHES. I’m obsessed w/them. I have had nutritionists tell me I need to eat a diff lunch to gain weight. But I literally DON’T want to, and not b/c I see salads as safe, but b/c I truly LOVE my salads. This has contributed to me not being able to find a nutritionist I can get along with/work with.
5. If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I was lucky to have to gain weight, I’d throw that nickel in his or her face. UGH! It is not a walk in the park to be constantly told that you have to keep doing something that is mentally uncomfortable.

<3 have a great weekend girl and thanks for another thought-provoking post
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131 tessa8m February 24, 2012 at 7:34 pm

Hhaha we are certainly Twins!! And of course I am so with ya on the salad thing… but it sounds like you are adding all kinds of foods that make it much more substantial and healthy! This entire comment made me laugh, the nickel thing (chuckle :) ) we are sooo dang similar!

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132 Maria @ Beautiful Busy Bee February 24, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Well I get up at 5 but I hope in college I’ll get to wake up much later than 6:15! Dark chocolate almonds are the BEST. You know they have mint dark chocolate ones, right? ;)
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133 Laura March 9, 2012 at 10:32 am

I’m really overwhelmed right now because I feel like I have SO much to say about this topic but I don’t know where to begin/don’t want to end up writing a novel.

What really struck a chord with me was your comment on after dinner desire to eat and needing the “perfect meal”.

I’ve written about my after dinner feelings before and it’s something I still really struggle with. I feel like I get the same feeling after lunch but MUCH less intense, espeically since I am able to distract myself or a usually have plans that keep my mind off of the urge. But after dinner I typically just lounge around and food is ALWAYS on my mind and sometimes I know I’m going to have a nighttime snack and the thoughts of it just get so overwhelming that I eat it right away even though I am INSANELY physically full…but I need the thoughts to stop so I “get it out of the way”.

Before my “experiment” of cutting back on/cutting out artificial sweeteners I would turn to gum and diet soda to sort of occupy my mouth and my brain until I was hungry enough or it was “time” for my night snack. Now that I don’t have those comforts I’m a ball of feelings and emotions and URGES. It’s not even an urge to binge it’s just an urge to eat…I don’t get it!!

At school I’m also really particular with my meals and if I’m planning on coming back to my apartment to make lunch and eat alone while watching a show, and I come back and my roommate is still here, I freak out. I’ve been SO much better at this recently and instead of holding off until she leaves to eat I just go about my business and try my best to enjoy her company and her chit-chat. I think a lot of it has to do with my obsession with food and my desire to 100% be present in the meal (well…as present as I can get with the tv on) and like…focusing on the food. When another person is there I pay attention to the conversation and not so much the food…which I SHOULD be happy about but it still makes me angry especially if I was PLANNING on eating alone. However, if I had already planned to eat with someone it’s fine. It’s all in my head…AHH

I just started reading your blog and I’m literally in love with you and your writing and how relatable and honest you are. Thanks for all of that =)

-Laura
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134 tessa8m March 9, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Hi Laura,

I really appreciate you stopping by, taking the time to read, and also to share your personal thoughts and story here! The after-dinner things is incredibly tough, some days are easier, but yeah overall… hard! And the roommate situation and lunch- yes to that too! I guess we just have to keep on working on it, because the alternative is just not an option!

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