Before I get into the subject of the post, the winner of the Runner’s World calendar and energy bar giveaway is….
Congratulations! Send your mailing address to email@example.com and I will send out your prize asap
Having Monday off certainly has made time rush by these last few days, but I am totes mcgoats not complaining. On that note, here we are already halfway through the week, which means it’s time for What I Ate Wednesday! As usual, thanks and appreciations go to Jenn blogging over at Peas and Crayons, thank you woman
A few days ago I received an email from a reader asking about “what I do” on a daily basis- the times for my classes, workouts, internships schedule, homework… and of course how food and eating fits into all of this. This particular reader is also striving and making the effort to recover and is having difficulty getting enough food in throughout the day, or spreading it out in a way that is both mentally and physically easier to handle.
As I have discussed a number of times, eating to gain weight is very difficult- insert eye roll here! <– that is the initial thought someone might have when hearing something like this. Oh POOR YOU, you have to gain weight?! I wish I had that problem!
For me personally, it is not that it’s physically difficult to put on weight. Heck, I am pretty sure if I consumed the amounts and calories I really and truly need on a daily basis, the pounds would come on, I would reach my “happy weight,” I could get my period back, and things would finally be OKAY!
However, anyone that has gone through this recovery experience understands how MENTALLY challenging it is to gain weight. You are fighting against yourself every.single.time you eat… well for me at least. At EVERY meal/snack/graze session, I am always questioning myself- “should I really eat all of that? Do I actually need to have this much food? Perhaps I will just fill up more on fruits and vegetables today…. or sure I am about to eat my own arm off, but I don’t really need the morning snack, I mean I never used to have one!”
Yeahhhhh NO. The illogical, disordered voices are ALWAYS there, but that sure as heck does mean I give into them. On a daily basis the negative thoughts are there, the ones that try to pull me back into my illness. My actions speak differently though, and practice practice practice (and challenging yourself!) is they KEY to keeping this progression going.
However, every day is not perfect and sometimes I do “give in” to the irrational advice because often it feels incredibly correct. I want to be honest with you before I get into a day in the life here!
I don’t have a specific “style” for my blog, or a mold I try to fit into (although I used to!). So this means I rarely talk exactly what I do during the day…. I mean that is probably the most boring thing I could think of to write about… too often at least! I think it is fun to mix it up once in awhile though, and delve more into my daily life- all while battling eating disorder and not giving in. So here we go!
-Wake up at 6:15 (that is early for this girl, I don’t know how some of you do the 5am thing!)= This is my absolute favorite time of the day. It is quiet, the stress of my illness has not hit me yet, I am excited to drink my coffee and catch up on blogs.
- 6:30= Consume coffee, waste time on the internet, get dressed for a workout, consume a snack before the gym (in today’s case it was one of the BEST apples I have ever eaten! Honey Crisp and this one was utterly perfect):
7:15= arrive at the rec center, hop on the elliptical to warm up for 15 minutes before an intense circuit workout.
- Tessa, you have been tired as feck lately, you really need to not push yourself as hard as you usually do.
- Hmm that’s nice, but sorry no. Time to work it today, you took it a bit too easy yesterday, don’t want to turn into a fatty
So yes, that is a perfect example of not always prevailing through the challenging moments. It happens, I am learning to accept this, and also to understand that this is all part of the recovery process- ups and downs… consistent ups though!
8:45= return from gym (it’s about a 12 minute walk there and back), start to get hungry, should eat as soon as I get back to refuel properly and all that, but instead choose to take a shower, do my hair, makeup and such first. This is something I still need to work on and goes along with the “perfect meal” idea. In the morning especially, I prefer to be clean and dressed and then sit down to my meal, rather than the other way around.
Can’t do that though, I need to get the nutrients in asap! Enter my actual breakfast:
9:30 (again, later than I should)- Pumpkin Egg White Oatmeal- 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup liquid egg whites (stirred in at the end), 1/2 cup pumpkin, 1 cup vanilla soy milk, lots of cinnamon, packet of splenda (I know so artificial/dangerous blah), frozen berries, and 1 T of almond butter stirred in there. Perfection.
**First Class at 10:10- Eating Disorder Nutrition Class (more on what I am learning later)
11:30- I know I have said this before but I literally used to NEVER have a morning snack… heck I used to not have breakfast, an apple was all I needed until 3 pm! Yikes. Thankfully I am much better about breakfast and always have it, but the morning snack remains a challenge. However, I know fo shooo that when I consume more food earlier in the day, I don’t feel (as much) the compulsive mood to continue picking at food for the rest of the time I am awake… something I talked about last Wednesday.
Now that I am having a mid-morning snack, I am still tempted to have just some carrot sticks or a small piece of fruit… but this would be the “easy” way out for me. On that note, enter a heartier and energy-dense snack,
Almonds- dark chocolate ( ) and regular… a bit more than a 1-oz serving.
1:00- Alright so I am still trying to decide and figure out why salads are my ideal choice for lunch every.single.day and if this is “okay” or not. I love salads because they are so versatile, contain tons of nutrients when the correct toppings and ingredients are added, and do taste great! But they also do give me that “safe” feeling of helps to quell my anxiety with this particular meal. I think it’s time to change things up for lunch, even though my salads are chalk-full of energy-dense foods, I need to mix it up.
But whoops I didn’t today! I am acknowledging this though and plan on making a lunch change this week.
In the salad- spinach, mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, 1 cup (or so) 2% cottage cheese, black beans, and a serving of walnuts sprinkled on top. Ketchup for a dressing/topping this time, yep weirdo over hurr
Enjoyed with a side of fruit and a piece of pumpernickel bread with butter (scary, oh yes)
Internship from 2:30 to 6:30… all going VERY well btw and I plan to provide an update soon. Today is more about the food now!
4:30 (at the internship)-This is another “meal” that simply never made an appearance in my diet during the worst times. As I did start to recover, I would add in a small snack, such as 1/2 cup of Fiber One cereal, a few crackers, a lot of raw veggies (to stay full) or something else not substantial at all. I won’t lie, I am STILL tempted to fall back on much “safer” options, but I have come far enough to understand how even the slightest restriction can lead to a set back.
To counteract the potential for a negative choice, I enjoyed one of my current favorite snacks,
2% Breakstone cottage cheese (I used to ALWAYS have fat-free) with blackberries. First of all, Breakstone is the best brand out there (in my humble opinion ). And second, blackberries coupled with cottage cheese is pretty much amazing.
7:45- I still have a tendency to eat dinner too late with the lingering “fear” of being too hungry before going to sleep. Yep, makes zero sense, especially since I go to bed about 90 minutes later AND the fact that it’s essential I get over the lingering thought of what and when I should or should not eat.
Who cares if I am hungry after dinner? EAT! Must internalize this.
My default quick-I-love-more-than-anything-meal… baked sweet potato with a container low-fat plain Chobani, and a heaping of some kind of nut butter, in this case a to-go pack of Justin’s Honey Almond.
I swear to you I will NEVER get sick of this
RIGHT after dinner is a time I often struggle with.
Even when I have been eating properly throughout the day, as I did here, I will guarantee want to consume something right after. Yes it’s okay to grab something, but I am also continuously trying to normalize my relationship and actions with food and meals, and eating a food immediately after is not a habit I want to get into. I am working to improve feeling satisfied with the meal, experiencing the fullness and then moving.
9:00- I was able to practice this and waited about an hour to have a dessert, something I am pretty darn excited to share with you all
Dark Chocolate Mint M&Ms!!!!!! If you have read my blog before, you you know I go bat-shit crazy for mint chocolate anything. When I saw these in CVS the other day, I literally yelled out in delight and sure did receive some looks! PROUD of it
Because I would simply not feel comfortable eating the entire package of M&Ms (heck a single one= weight gain) I decided to mix a few into a trail mix..
Walnuts, craisins, raisins, almonds, pumpkin seeds, gogi berries, and the Mint Chocolate M&Ms! The last ingredient in there definitely lived up to my expectations… new favorite sweet snack Gosh it just feels so good to be at least somewhat okay with consuming a trail mix like this, M&Ms and all. I never would had even considered consuming a single piece of this just a few months ago. I die a bit inside when I start thinking about how much I have missed out on….
10:00- BED time! Right after the Bachelor ended. Courtney, really?! LEAVE!
So there you are- an abridged version of a “day in the life” with a focus on the food and how it plays into my routine. How I deal with the negativity and thoughts of wanting to restrict, but how for the most part, I recognize and prevail against them!
Share your own thoughts!
-At what times during the day do you tend to eat? I am always having y meals a bit later than I “ought” to, because of the underlying fear of hunger later in the day This is something I am consciously working on.
-Do you ever get so lost in an activity, assignment, or aspect of work, that you honestly forget that you need eat or are hungry? I can’t remember the last time this happened to me! Food is on my mind far too often… more than I care to admit.
-I know there are readers out there that are also struggling and working to challenge themselves… how are you doing with this? Have the changes been hard but tolerable at least? Any positivity or true recovery being seen?
-Any new products/food finds to report on?! Those Mint M&Ms changed my life for the better :)
-Tell me the best thing you ate int he past 7 days! Christine if you are reading this, my favorite thing was your tortilla soup and the fajitas!! No lie lady
Have a great rest of your Monday my dear friends!