This Is What I Need Right Now

by tessa8m on March 12, 2012

in Serious Stuff,Weekend Recap

Mornin’ Friends!

Get ready, broken record time- The emails, comments and support I am receiving regarding my final research project is truly remarkable! You all have been so very helpful and the information and feed back you are providing me with is going to enhance the project even more. I started conducting research for this about two months ago, but for some reason it took me all of that time to even consider asking the blogging community for help. Well I am certainly glad I did, as my capstone has officially been taken to a whole new level :)

Overall this weekend was…. good, for lack of a better term! I was productive with what I needed to be doing for school, post-grad plans and all of that, and also I was not a complete hermit and went out Saturday night. It was nothing particularly special, but a fun time nonetheless and it also allowed me some perspective on the whole isolation thing…

and also spent plenty of time outside… it was a bit windy at times haha.

Hmm, slightly psychotic look ;)

I do plan to do a follow-up from that post last Monday so stay tuned for that. Even a week later, after reading through all of your responses, continuing to ponder and sort through my own thoughts, and just generally try to get my head around things, well honestly, I remain quite confused. It seems I am still conflicted on what my true desires are, what is “okay” (in my mind) verses not, and what I “should” be doing and all of that good stuff.

So yes, stay tuned for a follow-up, after I have had more time to mull things over.

Alright moving on to what I really wanted to discuss today!

As you know I am doing my research project on Eating Disorders which of course requires a focus on the illness that has plagued me for quite a lengthy amount of time. I am also taking a nutrition class on EDs- history, reasons, symptoms, DSM criteria, etc. Let’s see what else, this semester I am interning at an Eating Disorder Clinic, I have my blog which focuses on, you guessed it, EATING DISORDERS/Disordered eating….

Woah. I am on Eating Disorder overload right now. In fact the only class I am taking that literally has nothing to do with this is my Sociology of Criminology class- interesting stuff though!

When I first opened up about my internship I was partaking in for the semester, I generally received positive feedback on my choice. That it was a great opportunity for myself and I would certainly learn a whole lot and also contribute to those recovering. However, there were a few comments saying the internship was a very BAD idea as more than anything, it could possibly trigger me into a relapse. Being around this illness so often could have a detrimental effect on my mind.

The latter of these opinions was a fair argument and one I definitely considered before actually deciding to do the internship and also after reading people’s thoughts on the matter. For the record, no triggering has occurred and I am loving this opportunity I am having more than ever :)

The opinions of others have stuck with me though, not in a negative way at all, but as a legitimate argument that I allowed me to reflect on the the choices I am making for my classes and research for this semester.

As I said before, I am on Eating Disorder overload right now. I would say about 95% of the time I am thinking about everything and anything that has to do with it- food and eating (of course), exercising, calories, recovery, weight, the patients at the clinic, my research on EDs, why this happened, I am constantly reading about it on blogs, in the news, in magazines… You get it, all components of this illness are on my mind …. well quite often to say the least.

When I first became conscious of just how much I was choosing to involve myself in this illness, I was initially very concerned, and for several reasons. The obvious being that yes, the constant thought could eventually trigger me. But more importantly, the uncomfortable feeling that I have NOTHING else to offer besides information on Eating Disorders…that CRAP I have zero interest in anything else… how is this possible, how did it happen?

After reading some of your comments from Friday’s posts about what you are majoring in, several of you are studying, have a degree in, or work for a company/yourself that has NOTHING to do with not only EDS, but nutrition, fitness, and food. That is just fantastic, and I mean that, because it’s right now it’s hard for me to imagine thinking about anything else.

Again, this is an uncomfortable realization. However, I am understanding something very crucial from my intense focus on everything and anything that has to do with eating disorders/disordered eating…

This is what I need right now. What I mean is, I NEED to turn most (if not all!) of my attention, focus, drive and passion on this subject, this illness that not only plagues me, but also fascinates me.

I will be very honest about something with you right now. I am much better at understanding myself now, improved the ability to be truthful with myself, admit my mistakes when appropriate, and make changes when I ought to.

And honestly, I am pretty sure if I were NOT intensely focusing on recovery, blogging, the internship, the project, trying to make a difference for others suffering out there, my ED class, and my own self-reflections, well I could easily be pulled back into the hold of the illness.

What an odd and scary feeling/understanding it is to know that yes, if I “wanted” to, or the disorder wanted me to, I could fall back into old habits. Not all at once necessarily, but a slow downward spiral, where one wrong behavior becomes two, restriction becomes more of the norm, refueling properly falls by the wayside, the exercise increases… and suddenly I am back where I started. Sh*t that is terrifying to realize.

This is what I need for myself right now. I have to know other people out there are fighting towards recovery as well, that they are using my blog for inspiration (an honor). I must keep reminding myself of how HORRIBLE having an eating disorder is and that while it just feels so “right” to stick with it, well dear god it is in fact so wrong. Focusing on this is a necessity or else I could lose myself before the logical Tessa understand what the hell happened.

Phew, had to get that out.

I will say this one more time, this is what I need RIGHT NOW. What is important about that line is the fact my interests, passions, hobbies will change if I continue to make the effort to recover. Sure my interest can and probably will be on eating disorders, as I am hoping to make a career as a nurse while coupling it with the illness. However, eventually I will have more to offer than this obsession.

As I heal, I know I will continue to find who I truly am as a person- the focus on EDs will be there, but there will be so much more to me, I strongly believe this is true. RIGHT NOW the disorder is a major part of me, but it most certainly does not define who I am as a person, and the hold on me will slowly ebb away with effort toward progression.

I am doing this all to gain peace with the illness and myself.

-If you have ever gone through something difficult in your life, how have you emotionally dealt with it? Is it your “style” to expose it in every way possible, or try and suppress it?

-If you choose the latter, has this worked for you and or made whatever the situation is harder to deal with and heal from?

-To anyone that has recovered or is recovering from eating-related issues, or any mental illness for that matter, did you ever go through a period of time as I am now? Where the need to focus and obsess is quite necessary…

-How was your weekend overall? Were you able to get out and enjoy the nice weather (if your area had some :) )?

As always I wish you a lovely Monday!

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{ 82 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lyn @ FueledBySalad March 12, 2012 at 5:02 am

I think you’re so brave for being able to cope even though you’re around ED all the time – really shows how far you’ve come. You’re going to progress even further. I guess you could say that I’m recovering. My eating habits are definitely way better than they were months ago, but progress is slow – still, there’s progress, so I’m quite happy.
Lyn @ FueledBySalad recently posted..Sunday morning and bircher muesli.


2 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Any sort of progress is remarkable Lyn, especially with an illness like this. Keep staying strong!


3 Kaitlyn March 12, 2012 at 6:45 am

Tessa, I think it shows how truly strong you are, that you are able to “surround” yourself with so many “triggers”, yet still remain so determined to stick to your health. You’re definitely an inspiration! :)
Kaitlyn recently posted..Baby Steps


4 Rach March 12, 2012 at 8:29 pm

This is exactly what I was going to say! :)
Rach recently posted..Caesar’s Pasta {Giveaway!}


5 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Thank you both!


6 Tara March 12, 2012 at 6:47 am

I’m so glad you’re doing what you need! It seems like a lot of involvement with eating disorders, which would obviously remind you of your own, but at the same time it’s not like it’s a negative reminder. I feel like your getting more reminders of why recovery is what you need! It takes a lot of strength to take all of this on and you have that. That strength is only going to keep building! I’m excited to see what you think when you’ve finished all these courses and how you reflect on the whole experience!
Tara recently posted..You vs. Your Workout


7 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:37 pm

Yes exactly, it’s a positive reminder, that is a great way of looking at this


8 Melissa March 12, 2012 at 7:16 am

If there was a ‘like’ button for this I would press it. It is awesome that you know what you need to further your recovery and it shows that the strong Tessa voice is present and is beating ED up. I think you can definitely become more insightful about yourself and your behaviors through your current experiences and it is awesome that you know yourself so well.

On another note, I am so glad I got to see you Friday and we will definitely do something after break!

Have a good Monday,


9 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:38 pm

You are so kind Melissa, thank you :) I can’t wait to meet up with you again!


10 Alexandra March 12, 2012 at 7:58 am

Like Kaitlyn said, I think you’re so strong to be able to be around triggers and stay recovered. I can totally relate with you when you said an ED plagues you and yet fascinates you– I catch myself glued to any book or show that deals with them, too. I guess since we’ve experienced ED’s ourselves, we want to see if we can relate to other cases? Whatever it may be, I’m so happy you’re enjoying learning more about it! There’s no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna help so many people, with ED’s or not, as a future nurse! :)
Hope your Monday gets off to a great start!
Alexandra recently posted..Mum’s the Word–Weekend Finds and Fun


11 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

oh yes that is certainly a part of it… I want to see the experience of others! That is why I enjoy hearing other people’s stories, we can all relate to parts at least


12 Gen March 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

Um yeah….I’m more of a suppress-anything-that’s-bothering-me-until-I-explode type of person…..not exactly a great character trait. I think that it has been a major part of my issues during recovery…..I have a day where I feel like crap, don’t talk about it, and just keep feeling worse and worse every day.
Glad you had a nice weekend, and hope you have a great week!
Gen recently posted..Chocolate Chip Cream Muffins


13 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:41 pm

Well I do think it’s positive that you are understanding that this might be hindering you and can now challenge that mentality


14 HollieisFueledByLOLZ March 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

Honestly, you have got to find yourself through you. I think that doing this internship was absolutely a good choice for you. You are really turning a corner. You have so much strength/courage that a lot of people don’t have!
HollieisFueledByLOLZ recently posted..Racing (5k=20:20) and Training


15 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Thank you Hollie! I know you are doing something similar with your own research and final paper :)


16 Kate @ Chasing It March 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

I am SO proud of you for writing this!! I can totally see how some people would worry about you diving straight into the deep end of everything ED (not into your own obviously, but i mean the subject/topic itself), as it could be a potential triggor. But I love that you took that possibility into consideration and that you’ve been “checking in” with yourself all along, and asking yourself all the right questions about what the focus is really doing for you. And you’ve come up with a LEGIT answer! I think if that’s the way your mind & recovery is working, then that’s the way to go, no matter what other people would do/think. I personally found myself to work the opposite way – I began a graduate program in nutrition last fall hoping to get an MPH/RD and a CSSD, and was excited, in part, to learn more about nutriiton and how to properly fuel my own body. However I quickly found that it was having the opposite effect – having my mental energy revolve solely around food science was only worsening my obsession, and that’s a big reason I withdrew (I mean I hated the school/program too but that was secondary lol). I only was able to make that decision though by really checking in with myself and being honest about the effect such immersion into the subject was having on me – just like you are! Your academic focus is just having the complete opposite effect on your recovery as mine did with me, so I definitely get where your coming from.

And I 100% believe that once you’re healed you’ll begin to rediscover other interests!! Focus on ED, tackle it, drive it into the ground so that your other passions can become apparent. You might not see it yet, but I can tell just from reading your blog that you’re determined, have a great work ethic, you’re willing to do the “hard stuff” to get where you want to go, passionate, talented, and an incredibly compassionate person (regardless of how many friends you have!) – I can tell that there’s WAY more there to work with than an eating disorder, and I can’t wait to see how you end up using all of those other attributes :)
Kate @ Chasing It recently posted.."Not Compared to how People Matter"


17 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Oh goodness Kate what a touching comment this is! You always write such wonderful words and I appreciate very single one of them! I am glad you were able to understand the nutrition business was simply not working for you and causing you more angst… of course I can understand that happening! I am just smiling ear to ear after reading your voice here… thank you girl :)


18 CJ @ March 12, 2012 at 8:49 am

If your project and reflecting on things you learn helps you grow and recover, I think this is a fabulous thing for you to be doing. Not to mention I feel like the best treatment I have had is from those who PERSONALLY experienced the illness and were success stories. Only you know what is best for you, and whatever you decide that is, I one hundred percent support it! Sometimes it takes us finding things that are bigger than us, such as helping those who are sick, to truly get better ourselves!
CJ @ recently posted..Could This Work?!


19 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

You are so right CJ, only I know what is best, thank you for the support as always love <3


20 Erica @ For the Sake of Cake March 12, 2012 at 8:49 am

When I go through something difficult, I DO tend to hold things in, but will likely share my feelings with my husband/mom/sister… people that are closest to me.

Glad you had a chance to enjoy the beautiful weather this weekend; I did too!
Erica @ For the Sake of Cake recently posted..Sunday Dinner


21 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

That is great you do have a few people that are always in your support system :)


22 Amy @ Turtle-speed Runner March 12, 2012 at 9:30 am

It’s so good that you say it is a good thing that focusing on it is important for you. It definitely helps to be able to understand the reasons behind it all.
I thought that focusing on my ED was good at first, but now I feel I just need to get away from it all… it’s EVERYWHERE in my life and I just need a break! Which is interesting because I am by no means recovered. I wonder what the difference is?
The weather here was gross on the weekend. 104′F both days and sticky. Probably sounds great to you since you’ve been cold, but oohhhh it was not!!
I’m definitely an emotion “suppresser” and not exposer!
Amy @ Turtle-speed Runner recently posted..What am I so afraid of?


23 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:24 pm

Hmm that is very interesting Amy… interesting how different our minds work and try to solve this. I believe that both ways are fine and doing what works for you is key of course
Gahh that weather is not ideal! I mean I like to be warm, but 104?! no bueno


24 Natasha March 12, 2012 at 9:57 am

I have been loving the weather lately!!! This week it is supposed to by sunny and in the mid to high 60s, which is practically unheard of in March in Michigan, but I’ll take it! I am a sucker for warm weather!!
I hope you have an awesome week :)
Natasha recently posted..Who is A??????


25 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Thank you Natasha, I hope you have a wonderful week as well!


26 Melissa March 12, 2012 at 10:33 am

I totally get the need to surround yourself, but I’m one that hides. I hate having the ED stuff on my mind all the time, so I tend to not talk about it. The biggest reason for this is that I’ve asked for help/support and not gotten it, so it makes me want to isolate myself even more. In a strange way, talking about it and getting a negative reaction or not getting support is WORSE than keeping it to myself. Does that make any sense? I guess maybe I just have to find support in other places, but it’s hard to figure all of this stuff out! I’d love to know what HAS worked for people who have recovered so I can try to implement some of those strategies.
Melissa recently posted..Today I Feel Fat {and other things bloggers aren’t supposed to say}


27 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Yes that does make sense and I truly understand what you are saying here. Your last words about finding support in other places… I think that is very key and shows your strength that you are realizing this! For example, it took me 4 different therapists to finally found one I felt comfortable with. But I kept looking because I had to get the support and knew I could find it


28 Margarita March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Talking to others about my crazies makes me feel so much better afterwards… whenever I feel like I’m acting out of line or my reasoning is off… I talk it over with others or look up answers online just to know if it’s just me or if anybody else thinks or acts that way too. Catharsis is one of the best cures for my obsessive tendencies. It is embarrassing to have to say out loud how ridiculous I’m acting, but hearing myself talk about how weird I’m being helps put me in place.
Margarita recently posted..Everything from Scratch: Hummus and Crackers


29 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

I can understand that reaction… looking to outside sources to justify how you are feeling, totally understandable! I say things out loud to myself often, and not embarrassing if you ask me :)


30 Kiah March 12, 2012 at 10:58 am

Even though I haven’t had time to post, I’ve enjoyed keeping up with you!!
Kiah recently posted..oh herro


31 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Gahh I have missed your pretty self!


32 Khushboo March 12, 2012 at 11:37 am

For me personally, talking through my problems and voicing them works wonders- it sort of adds perspective and allows me to understand the root of the problem more clearly. Glad you had a pleasant weekend!
Khushboo recently posted..Setting a weight-training routine


33 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:32 pm

That is exactly how I feel… I need to voice it sometimes to understand the issue


34 Corrie Anne March 12, 2012 at 11:40 am

I was LOVING the weather this weekend!! Please let it stay soo nice!! As far as going through tough times, I’m an introvert so I don’t like to “overshare.” However, I definitely have a close circle of friends/family I know I an depend upon.
Corrie Anne recently posted..Creamy White Chicken Chili + My Spring Forward!


35 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:04 pm

It’s so important to have any sources of help in your life… that is good you have a few you can rely on :)


36 Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie March 12, 2012 at 1:45 pm

I think if focusing on ED things helps you from going back to your old ways, then more power to you! You are such a strong person for being able to avoid any triggers and I think that means that this is what you’re meant to do, since you’re handling it so well. I actually think I need to focus on ED issues more at the moment so I can focus on fighting back against it and work out the reasons why I struggle with eating and body issues.
Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie recently posted..When Less Isn’t More


37 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:46 pm

I definitely advocate focusing more if it helps you… but ONLY IF IT HELPS! I would of course not suggest this if it ever made it worse :(


38 Carrie @ Lift Eat Repeat March 12, 2012 at 1:55 pm

The weather wasn’t as warm as it was supposed to be…imagine that! ha but I did get to spend some time outdoors with the pups! We also went to a comedy club Saturday night- I love to laugh and when its for almost two hours I’m always game!
I also played a soccer game- we tied, but I did score! I got in 2 good weight workouts and did lots of food prep!
Carrie @ Lift Eat Repeat recently posted..Mind Over Matter


39 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Glad you had a great weekend! :)


40 Anna @ The Guiltless Life March 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm

For me, on how I deal with things, it depends on the severity of the issue. For the most part I am a sharer – I feel instantly overwhelmed with negativity when something stressful happens and it helps me HUGELY to share it with people. However if it’s a really big issue, I can store it up. It’s super bad to do that so I try not to, but sometimes I feel like I just don’t know where to start in opening up, so I choose the alternative and clam up. Having said that, I’m a sharer in the sense that I’ll tell a friend or my mom but the kind of courage required to share things on my blog as openly as you do on yours – wow, I don’t know if I’m there yet. So full of admiration for what you do!


41 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm

I can understand it depending on the situation! That is great that you do have support when you ask for it though, with your mom and friend. So important of course!


42 Sarah @ Every Day's a Picnic March 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm

To me it seems like you are really determined to beat your eating disorder and get better, and it seems like immersing yourself in the issues is helping you. As you recover more you might find that your interest wanes a bit, but I’m sure that you will always be passionate about helping others and you will make a fabulous nurse :-)
I’m quite an analytic and self-aware person, so I tend to deal with things by thinking about it a lot and immersing myself in as much information as I can.
Sarah @ Every Day’s a Picnic recently posted..It’s Taper Time


43 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Well goodness Sarah, thank you! It seems we are similar with how we deal with things!


44 Annie March 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I think it’s great that you are shedding so much light and focus on eating disorders. I think it’s a great way for you to continue gaining personal strength and insight! I know everyday I read your blog, I see growth and strength shining through each and every word.

if that is not reason enough or assurance, then think about it in another positive light. Although you may feel skeptical or unsure that spending so much time and focus on eating disorders, it is in fact your greatest ASSET! Think of all the girls and boys that DONT think about eating disorders and that DONT confront their problems, and continue to be effected by their eating disorders. Your “overloaded” focus and interest on eating disorders is for not just your personal strength but for the greater good of all girls and boys that don’t.

You are not only making a difference for yourself but to all the blog readers, the patients you work with, and hopefully the college community through your research :-) Y


45 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:49 pm

Hi Annie,
Thank you lady, I appreciate your lovely words here :) I hope my information overload benefits other people out there!


46 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health March 12, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I loved that you talked about this Tessa! And you know, I never thought that you were doing too much or immersing yourself too much in things revolving around eating disorders. Everyone is different, which means that how a person recovers will be different too. I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced something quite like it, but I am someone who at least likes to really learn about what’s going on so I can better understand myself!
Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health recently posted..Top 5 Favorites


47 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Thank you Lindsay.. it does help me so much to hear your opinion on this :)


48 Laura @ LauraLivesLife March 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I finally asked the blogging community for help too (with my survey) and was blown away by how much immediate support and response I received! It is truly amazing!

I don’t know if it is normal – but I know that at certain points during my Master’s Thesis is was ALL I could think about. I read about it, wrote about – but couldn’t blog about it because of how confidential it was. I think being consumed about it is normal and you’ve just found an academic way to apply it!
Laura @ LauraLivesLife recently posted..Choosing the “Right” Running Shoes


49 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Isn’t this community fantastic? I am so glad you received help as well :)


50 Julia @ girl with a stethoscope March 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm

It’s so great that you are passionate about something – even if it is something you also struggle with. You know yourself best and if you think this focus is not too much for you to handle where you may revert to old habits, I say go for it. We all know that we accomplish things when we are most passionate about them and your passion for ED is remarkable. I think you can do some great things for yourself and other people. Just please make sure you dont overload yourself to a point where you are overwhelmed and you start reverting back to old thoughts and ideas. Love ya girl!
Julia @ girl with a stethoscope recently posted..My first time …


51 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I appreciate the reminder about being careful… it’s such a necessary reminder, especially in a situation like this :)


52 Fiona Bradley March 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm

Tessa you and your blog have helped me so much in my recovery so far I don’t think I can ever express my gratitude! :) Stay strong and please continue to document your experiences. Your honesty is so admirable. You are such a strong woman and you should continue to do whatever you feel is necessary to keep you moving forward in a positive direction.
I’m sending all my best wishes and blessings all the way from Ireland,
Keep up the fantastic work,



53 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Aww Fiona what a lovely comment, thank you! You keep staying strong as well okay? <3


54 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin March 12, 2012 at 7:14 pm

I totally understand how immersing yourself into thinking about EDs can really help with your recovery – I experienced the same thing! I think that if it’s always at the forefront of your brain, it makes it easier to stay focused on NOT following your ED desires, you know? It’s awesome that you check in on yourself to evaluate what kind of effect this is having on you – it just goes to show what a healthy approach you’re taking. So proud of you girl! :)
Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin recently posted..Weekend things


55 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Yep exactly Chelsea… checking in on a continuous basis is necessary for me, and seemed to work well for you too :)


56 Sophie @ Love Live & Learn March 12, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I have said it before and I will say it again: you are truly an inspiration Tessa! I think that it is brilliant that you are allowing yourself to focus on what you need and I can completely understand why you find it helps you.

I respect the choice you have made 100% because you are being true to yourself and by doing what you need to do I am sure you will feel better as a person. I actually think it’s an incredibly strong decision to have made because as you say, it could have been a very difficult thing to expose yourself to. You are full of courage m’dear!

In fact, your commitment to exposing these issues and raising awareness never fails to to impress me and I admire you so much for all of this!

I am so proud of you for how far you have come and how much you are pushing yourself all the time. I always always enjoy reading your blog :-)
Sophie @ Love Live & Learn recently posted..This Weekend #4.


57 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Your comments are just so lovely and helpful for me to read Sophie, you are wonderful! Thank you for helping to bring a smile to my face today :)


58 Nikki March 12, 2012 at 9:08 pm

You are amazing! I admire how strong you are willingly entering triggering environments and allowing yourself to be stronger in the end!
Nikki recently posted..My First Giveaway!


59 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Thank you Nikki!


60 Cley March 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm

I’m so glad that you’re having a very good morning! :) Thanks for sharing this.. I enjoyed reading this. Good job!
Cley recently posted..Translate PDF to 75 Languages


61 tessa8m March 12, 2012 at 10:32 pm

Well thank you very much Cley!


62 Emily March 13, 2012 at 1:20 am

This is something I’ve actually thought about a lot when reading your blog. And I’m SO happy to hear that you’re aware of it and that you’re doing exactly what you need to be doing. Everyone is different and what works for one person’s recovery doesn’t necessarily work for another’s. You have made such amazing progress over the past few months and, if researching and learning as much as you can about this disorder is what helped you do that, then you’re definitely on the right track.
We’re all so proud of you! And I know your posts continue to help maaany others who are currently struggling and/or recovering.
Emily recently posted..Remember me?


63 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 11:58 am

Thank you Emily! You are right, one thing that does not work for everyone and it’s essential to find the option that will allow you to progress


64 Jamie Walker March 13, 2012 at 2:29 am

Wow, you are incredibly brave and strong. Good for you for doing this and recovering in the way that you feel is right for you!


65 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 11:59 am

Thank you Jamie :)


66 sarah (onedayiwillseethesun) March 13, 2012 at 7:15 am

I know what you mean about focuising on the ed, and needing too. somtimes it can be helpful, I mean I would read recovery based blogs and healthy living with a focus on leading a healthy life style if I didn’t feel that I wanted too. When I did my dissertation it was more focused on the media and how they somehow played apart to anorexia, and I actually throughly enjoyed it, I probably know more about eating disorders that my psychology teacher did, I didn’t find it triggering at all. It almost helped me and gave me more understanding in to my issues. Maybe try and do other stuff that isn’t ed focused, do you have friends without mental health problems? I know in my case alot of my friends were from hospital or residential care setting so, I almost had to reinvent myself find people who I had interests with but didn’t have an ed. Maybe you could go to the cinema, even play a board game with your family.


67 Maria @ Beautiful Busy Bee March 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

I’m so glad you’re loving your internship! :) The sociology of criminology sounds really interesting, actually. I can’t wait until college. Honestly, I think for each person it works differently: what may trigger a relapse for on person might help another avoid a relapse. I don’t like to think back to those days very often, just because they’re painful memories that I have to admit I’m still ashamed of.
Maria @ Beautiful Busy Bee recently posted..White Chocolate Macadamia Date & Nut Bars


68 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Ahh I am so excited FOR YOU and your college experience! I know you are going to enjoy your experience :)


69 Faith @ For the Health of It March 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

It can definitely be difficult to get so involved with something that was such a struggle in your own life for so long, but I also believe it’s healing in its own right. Yes, the triggers are there…but you’re strong enough to face them down and not let them suck you in! The fact that you’re willing to get so in-depth with this to potentially help those who are struggling with the same thing is so inspiring, and it makes you such a strong and beautiful woman. No better inspiration to work on a project than to pick something that really hits home!


70 tessa8m March 13, 2012 at 12:00 pm

I appreciate your thoughts here Faith! It is about finding what works for you, and yes what that means to allow the healing to progress


71 Chelsea @ The Nut Butter Runner March 13, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Tessa, you are such a strong person. That is all this post says to me. :) Like.. I love how you can open up and figure out what you need, and get it for yourself. Sure, some people may say “that’s so unhealthy”, but I can understand why it works for you! To be constantly reminded of how little you want to be there again – that’s reinforcement to keep getting better. And that’s awesome.
Chelsea @ The Nut Butter Runner recently posted..I love dogs.. I love running.. I love running dogs!


72 Kaitlyn@TheTieDyeFiles March 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Tessa, I think it’s great that you have such a passion for learning as much as you can about these disorders and spreading the word by educating others on what you’ve learned. I wouldn’t worry about it being the only thing you’re known for or have knowledge about. I think you’re passionate about a lot of things, many food and exercise related, and this will help you focus on doing what you need to do to heal yourself. After all, you’re the most important person in your life!
Kaitlyn@TheTieDyeFiles recently posted..Curried Sweet Potato and Quinoa Stuffed Mushrooms


73 Alexis March 13, 2012 at 3:29 pm

You are so strong, I believe that whatever you need to do to overcome this battle you should do. Everyone battles their own fights differently and if it means emerging yourself in it then go for it! You are truly inspirational to all those girls out there! I do find that obsessing over food and nutrition has truly helped me in recovery. Learning as MUCH as I can has really really helped me come out of my darkest days.
Alexis recently posted..Coconut Flour Mug cake


74 Paulina (One Smile Ahead) March 13, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I think that being around people who have/had the same problems as you does generally provide some support because you don’t feel like you’re the only one in the world having to deal with these issues. Also, learning and having the knowledge will make it more easy to apply to tough life situations. I think you’re a really strong woman, and you need to keep doing what’s best for you! :]
Paulina (One Smile Ahead) recently posted..Homegrown


75 Hannah March 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Your blog is such an inspiration to me. I have struggled with an ED since I was a junior in high school, so almost 4 years now, and your story is definitely one of the most motivational I’ve ever encountered.
For me, I have issues sharing my feelings and getting things out. That is part of my ED issues, everything festers inside of me and I self destruct. I honestly feel so much better after I’ve talked to someone, but even after intense therapy, both inpatient and outpatient, I still struggle with it every day. I honestly don’t know how you surround yourself with ED related things 24/7 and manage to stay so strong, one of the reasons you’re so inspiring. I myself tend to ignore things that are ED related, because all I want is to be normal. Keep up the good work, it seems as though you are taking great strides and doing amazing things with your life!


76 Sarah March 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm

I think it’s fantastic that you’ve got this blog to be able to communicate what you’re feeling better. And the way that you write shows that you can really communicate that. As for me, I do tend to hold things in a bit if I’m going through a tricky time, but generally letting it out makes me feel so much better, even if I didn’t realise before!

As you’re still recovering I think you need to give yourself time – as you said, it’s an intense concentration as you’ve been thinking about it for such a long time. Friends of mine have told me that after a while they were able to pick up more interests again, so hopefully the same will happen for you. All the best!
Sarah recently posted..Spinach and Mushroom Quinoa


77 Coach Dion March 14, 2012 at 2:09 am

I don’t have any problems with eating, but a week ago I was sick, tummy bug, and didn’t eat for 2 days, then I tried to run a half marathon… boy was a flat, so yes I had lost weight, but being the 3kg lighter that I would love to be didn’t help, I had no energy…

So I know you need to eat and eat well to run well, how is your running coming on?
Coach Dion recently posted..WEEK 2


78 Ranjani @ Four Seasons of Food March 14, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Hi Tessa, just wanted to let you know that I think you are making a huge contribution by offering support/inspiration to others who are struggling with similar issues, but also by increasing awareness for people who are not. I am very lucky that I have not experienced an eating disorder myself, but I have some very close friends and family members who have suffered from one. Your blog has really given me so much insight and perspective on what they are/were going through, so thank you for that!


79 tessa8m March 14, 2012 at 5:46 pm

Well wow… thank you for this very sweet message and also taking the time to read my thoughts there! I am honored to be helping out in anyway at all


80 lindsay April 29, 2012 at 1:07 pm

i am so impressed and proud Tessa! What an inspiration and encouragement you are to us all. Look at those PROUD parents too!
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81 tessa8m April 29, 2012 at 10:08 pm

Thank you Lindsay :D


82 muscle exercises without weights December 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm

Enjoy your site, its very motivating. I would also
like to share my source of inspiration throughout my lengthy fat reduction struggle
with you – I think you’ll find it as inspirational as I did.
muscle exercises without weights recently posted..muscle exercises without weights


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