Good Morning friends!
Who am I posting on Tuesday?! Well I have something to say
In all honesty, I was nervous to publish my post from yesterday. It’s not that I was reluctant to because of the actual content as it was something I really needed to get out, but more anxious over how you reader’s might react. To me this confession is something that is very much in the way of making a full recovery… it’s the key piece that I am hanging onto because I know what kind of results it yields.
I know what I need to do, take a break, an extended rest that last more than just one day. I am pretty sure I have been overdue for this break for quite some time now, years maybe and well, it is certainly all catching up to me now.
Over the weekend while I was writing out my thoughts, I was understanding what I “needed” to do but the anxiety and tears rose within me every time I actually thought about ceasing the exercise. Either I was going to keep on working out and just hope the fatigue will magically disappear (umm no) or take a rest and eat less… one was going to give, can’t possibly have both unless I want to get FAT!
In all honesty, my thoughts changed after reading all of your genuine and personal responses to what I was saying. You provided me with encouragement, motivation and inspiration to do what I am officially committing to…
I am doing this, I am making the commitment to take a break, a legitimate rest… an extended amount of time where my body is going to recover. I want to get back to my running, fit, full-of-energy, ass-kicking self (lol) and sacrifices must be made in order to do this. I am declaring this on my blog, on the Internet where everyone and anyone that happens to stumble upon Amazing Asset will read that I am doing this… I need to be held accountable, it’s not going to happen without that.
While I am at school, there is no one here to hold me to me my word, to make sure I eat right and don’t exercise. I know I have it within myself to take on this challenge, but knowing I have all of YOU out there both supporting and keeping me accountable helps to alleviate the mental struggle this is going to be.
Now I simply cannot sit around on my bum all day and do NOTHING… that might actually kill me. But no official, hardcore workouts at all! I have to walk around campus no matter what, so that will continue to happen and I am also planning to take walks to the gym in the morning, do a good amount of stretching there (I have to work on this anyway) and then walk back. This gives me a mental break, a chance to get out of my own small space and get some fresh air.
I started this morning- 10 minute walk to the campus fitness center, stretching for 20 minutes, and a 10 minute walk back. Am I entirely okay with this? Heck no… I actually feel a bit like a lard and that lovely compulsive urge to restrict my food intake “just a bit” because whatever I didn’t workout so why do I need normal amounts of food?! Shut the hell up disordered eating Tessa.
But I just have to keep remembering how much BETTER I will feel after this mentally difficult time is over. It will be worth it, I know it will and most importantly, I really do not have a choice, that is if I plan on ever really and truly getting better from all of this once and for all.
From the very bottom of my heart, thank you for your help in all of this. You enabled me to “take the plunge,” to understand it’s going to feel pretty sucktastic, but that I will be rewarded.
Goodness thank you ALL and see you tomorrow for a special What I Ate Wednesday post