Good Morning!
I am on Day 2 of not working out and while it is very hard (I refuse to lie about this, it sucks actually) I am just going to keep on embracing the challenge.
You know what I did realize was a part of me not wanting to take a break (besides the obvious of weight gain)? The fear that I actually will NOT WANT TO return to hardcore exercising and running once I feel better. I mean, what if I become lazy and just never get back into it?! Irrationality rearing it’s ugly head again… I have always been into fitness and taking time off does not change my thoughts and morals around this.
But let’s move on for now!
Today is more about FOOD as it’s halfway through the week and therefore time for What I Ate Wednesday! As always, thanks and appreciations go to Jenn blogging over at Peas and Crayons! I missed last week’s WIAW shenanigans so I am more than excited to be back in action 
For today’s WIAW post I wanted to give a glimpse into my time at home and all of the different foods and dishes I bought, cooked, ordered and baked! I started to write this post before I made the commitment to stop exercising for an extended amount of time but feel like I owe myself and you all an explanation on what is happening with my food intake with no workouts involved. I am planning to write that for next week though, so stay tuned!
This is not a “normal” What I Ate Wednesday post in that I am not just focusing on one “day in the life” but the various items I was able to eat while home for break. Eating and cooking from my house also allowed me to understand and realize a few things around food (what else is new), and I am going to share those as well. Picture heavy, get ready
Breakfasts:
Pumpkin Egg White Oatmeal topped with Coconut Butter!
It was my first time EVER trying coconut butter as this rather welcome package was sent to me:
Ahh so many wonderful flavors, thank you Artisana for sending me this very welcome package! It was my first time trying coconut butter for a few reasons… the main one being is that sh*t is expensive!
Understanding #1- Most importantly though, the saturated fat content scares the hell out of me, as I have always learned that saturated fat= doom and gloom. This is not the case though and in fact, coconut butter is insanely good for you. It was essential that I remember this while eating it on my oatmeal as I almost decided to scrape it off. Nope don’t do that, first of all what a waste and second, holy moly was it delicious!
Other items I enjoyed:
Green Monster Pancakes again (on St.Pattys day before venturing into Boston )
Oatmeal made with 2% Breakstone cottage cheese, chia seeds and topped with a mix of Walnut and Pecan butter from the Artisana company.
This was an interesting new one- Green Monster Oatmeal! (found on Angela’s Blog a few days ago)
Oh wow that just looks…. horribly gross haha. Oh yes I know it does! I followed her directions- a whole banana, spinach/kale, milk (I used soy), except used only 1 tablespoon of chia seeds- into the blender, pour over 1/2 cup rolled oats, stir and refrigerate overnight! Oh and I topped it with coconut butter again(!!!)… and heated it up before eating. I hate cold oats, make me want to gag and you all know how I feel about barfing.
Understanding #2- Do you notice something with most of these breakfasts (with the exclusion of the cottage cheese oats)? All of them have a vegetable in them. Either pumpkin, kale or spinach.. whatever green I had on hand. For some disordered reason, I know it has something to do with this, I feel I “need” to have vegetables in some form in the morning. I do not like to have them so early in the day, so I sneak them in to my food… this is fine of course, but not with the reasoning I have.
So why is this? I suppose the reason is I get nervous if I don’t get enough veggies in during the day and as a result I will take too many calories in from other food groups which will lead to excess weight gain. Sigh… well will these perpetual thoughts ever go the heck away? This is a belief I want to challenge though, as I am tired of feeling yet another “need” to have my food consumed in a certain way at a specific time.
Lunches:
When I am at school, I have a salad every.single.day for lunch. I decided it was time to change it up while I was home.. I mean I have access to so many different ingredients and a STOVE, time to get my chef on. Or at least implement some variety.
Pan-seared Ahi Tuna over a mix of kale, onions, tomatoes and mushrooms with a baked sweet potato topped with almond butter on the side.
Oh and this was eaten outside on one of the more glorious-weather days.
This particular day I must have had a number of cravings going on as my snacky-lunch shows! Turkey breast, almonds, sliced red peppers, tomatoes and a carrot thrown in there for good measure.
Since the above was a rather light meal, I had even more raw peppers (anyone LOVE these as much as I do?! Not even low-calorie related, they just taste real good), and a piece of pumpkin cake topped with almond butter.
For the pumpkin cake I used this recipe but omitted the frosting because I wanted nut butter instead
One more note-worthy lunch: CHIPOTLE! After reading some of your recommendations I went with the burrito bowl,
I very much appreciated the input from you all as this was a most delicious choice! I went with the brown rice, pork, romaine, mild salsa, corn, grilled vegetables, and guacamole on the side. This really was enormous and while I could have finished the entire thing in one sitting, I would have not been happy with myself after. I know my body would probably welcome this serving size, but part of this recovery process is learning to eat more mindfully and well, I was full after about 3/5 (I like to be precise) of this bad boy.
But of course there is more to why I didn’t eat all of it…
Understanding #3- Even after all of this time I have been recovering, facing fear foods and rationally knowing one meal will NOT make me fat, I still have trouble being completely 100% okay eating food not cooked by myself… out a restaurant I mean. I have such issues not knowing how much butter/oil they are “sneaking” into my food even when I request them to not serve as much. This relates to Chipotle…
I know they “claim” all of the healthy ingredients and even list nutrition facts but the disordered eating side of me *hates* not knowing for sure what is in the food, how much fat/calories/doom! So dumb, so irrational, sooo needs to stop. Even if there was an unfathomable amount of scary stuff in there, who the hell cares? It IS only ONE meal and I will say this again, logically I understand I will not gain as a result. Enough with this already, I am sure I would have eaten the entire bowl in one sitting!
This also has to do with the extra amount of variety I was able to implement into my daily eats. I felt more comfortable and “okay” doing so because I was in complete control of what went into everything and what it was made with.
It’s not that I am staying away from oils/fat myself, in fact I use several tablespoons for certain recipes! But it’s the knowing part that helps to ease my anxiety. But we all know you cannot always be in control, no matter how hard you try and hang onto it.
Snacks:
Though I was at home an had access to plenty of different snacks, I could not help but to reach for an energy bar every so often. Plus I was able to try one that was sent to me:
The new Blueberry Acai Balance Bar. Now I am NOT just saying this because it was sent to me to review… honestly this is one of the best bars I have never tasted! It has a wonderful blueberry flavor, a nice tough of sweetness (but not overly so), oats on top and a tasty glaze on the bottom. The nutrition facts are great too, 15 grams of protein! I am a fan as the higher protein count keeps me fuller for longer.
Apparently I was on a major blueberry kick last week (berries at breakfast too), because I enjoyed a few of these yogurts:
Wallaby Organic yogurt, another great new product! These were on sale at Whole Foods- One buck each and could not pass that deal up. It was my first time trying this particular greek yogurt and I will tell you, I am a fan. Normally it is quite expensive though so I won’t be buying this kind often.
Love these Popcorner “chips” especially the kettle corn variety,
I go a bit bat-shit crazy for sweet/salty products
Understanding #4- Although it looks like I was sitting down to timely meals and doing normal snacking in between, well that is not exactly the case. While I was on spring break there was of course less structure to my day, it was break after all! As a result, there were a few days that I actually found myself eating less than I out to be having and then “making up for it” later on or at night. That is a viscous cycle I have been enveloped in before and have even engaged in binge-like behavior, so I know it’s something I need to be conscious of.
It’s not that I ever “forgot” to eat… hell no, I don’t think that has ever happened to me in my entire life! No, it was more that I was busy doing other activities, such as baking and cooking (always related to food) and just found it easier not to sit down to a meal. Aka it was simpler not to eat if I was distracted by other stuff going on. This is so clearly the eating disorder trying to push back into my life and the reason I am sharing it is to show how much I battle this suckaaa on a daily basis.
Did that just make any sense? I hope so…
Dinners:
Pan-seared scallops over a kale/onion sautee and roasted butternut squash on the side.
Healthy Chicken Parmesan!
I made this recipe a few months ago and decided to give it a go again, except I used larger chicken breasts this time. A much better choice then the small tenderloins I accidentally bought last time! Served along side quinoa cooked in vegetable brother- try this next time you make quinoa, it gives it such a delicious flavor.
Understanding #5- I noticed this mainly with dinner, but I am VERY indecisive when it actually comes to choosing a food to make or eat later in the evening… again while at home. It’s not that I am afraid to eat or anything like that, but I simply cannot decide on which dish I want to take the time to buy the ingredients for, do prep work, cook and then finally serve.
I believe this stems from the years of deprivation I have put my body through- never allowing myself to even taste the dishes and recipes I would search tirelessly for for HOURS. When I was quite restrictive, I became even more obsessed with food because it was the one thing I was denying myself of having. Makes sense as it is a completely normal, natural and necessary part of life and when you deny your body of such a thing, well your brain reacts quite…interestingly.
So when I was home, I had the opportunity to make anything I wanted and it was tough to decide on just one. Plus the lingering ED thoughts were there- healthy enough(?) being the most obvious. This honestly causes me major anxiety- trying to pick one dish and I know it has to do with the perfect meal idea I try to (illogically) maintain.
I am working to get past the fact that it’s just ONE MEAL and there will be plenty of other chances to try new dishes… enjoy what I have and make what I am in the mood for.
Simple.as.that.
Dessert:
Okay so awesome, fantastic, great story… I went to the mall near me last week wit MA and as we were walking in, I noticed a few people spooning something from a paper/plastic dish into their mouths. After some more people watching ensued, I was able to see they were having ice cream of some sort. Wrong though, not ice cream, FROZEN YOGURT!
That is right people, there is a SELF-SERVE FROYO place officially open near me! Caps are incredibly necessary here. I literally screamed in public when I saw this sign:
My mom didn’t know what the heck was going on, she thought I was scared/in pain/out of my mind <– maybe a bit of the latter It was a necessary reaction, I mean HOLY MOLY there is a god and he has listened to my prayers! After months and months of seeing all of you stinkers eating self-serve froyo whenever you want to, well it’s my dang turn muahahahaaaa
Sorry I know I sound nuts in that above paragraph, can’t help it. In my mix: oreo, peanut butter, red velvet, cheesecake, and some good ole vanilla for good measure… topped with tons of sprinkles, oreo cookie, jelly beans (why not?), blueberries, chocolate covered pretzels.. I think that’s it.
Understanding #6- This type of dessert is and most likely will be my most favorite dessert/treat in the entire world.. forever. I will admit it does slightly have to do with the fact that I know it’s lower-cal, I mean it’s frozen yogurt after all. But honestly, these flavors just taste GOOD, nay GRAND, and I love being able to customize it to my heart’s desire. The only problem I foresee is that this will quite negatively affect my bank account. I am not even joking. Worth it though? You bet your bottom yes.
So there you are, another round of WIAW.. with some understandings thrown in there, both positive and negative, and ones that I really must be conscious of as I continue make the effort toward a life that is free of the constant burden of disordered thoughts! Gah how extraordinary would that be?
Please share your thoughts!
-Do you have trouble making decisions on your meals/snacks? Does it ever provoke anxiety? What helps you to decide on what to eat?
-Do you like coconut butter? What are your favorite uses for it? I just bought a whole jar so I need some new ideas
-When you have less structure in the day, do you still stick to meals or tend to snack more? I am a snacker for sure.
-Does the lack of control you have when going out to eat/fear of the unknown, hinder what you order at places? Or does it stop you from going to certain restaurants/places for food ever?
-And of course, best thing you ate recently?! Hands down the frozen yogurt is my choice! Is that sad? Maybe, but I don’t care
Have a most glorious rest of your Wednesday!
{ 125 comments… read them below or add one }
yum all your meals look so delicious Tessa!So about your decision towards resting,I’m going to join you on that challenge because my body truly needs it. The past three weeks I have been doing hardcore workouts far too often and it’s making me feel extremely tired and sore in places I didn’t know were possible lol. Our bodies can’t deal with too much extremeties( undereating, overexercising etc), I think a break is the best choice we have. I also have to agree with you with having difficulty choosing what to have for evening meals, I also have a hard time, for some reason I always try to make it lighter since its later in the day but that leads to hunger pangs and then to late night binging. I also love coconut butter and I like to dip my sweet potato fries in it. The best thing i ate this weekend was a publix brand coconut caramel icecream:)
That is wonderful to hear you are joining me! That will honestly make it easier to deal with because I know someone is right there with me
Keep me updated on how it goes!
Sure thing:) we can do it
Great Eats! It must of been so nice to be home for a little while. I am moving to Boston, so let me know next time you are around and we should meet up!!!
When I don’t have a structured day, I totally snack my way through. With the structure of work, I eat way better and more balanced, with planned out snacked and meals. I always ruin all my hard work on the weekends.
Mattie @ Comfy and Confident recently posted..WIAW
AH yes that would be wonderful! When are you moving there?
There is SO much I want to say! Let me start with how much I LOVE PopCorners. They sent me all of their varieties last fall, and I think the sweet/salty kettle corn were my favorite too.
Secondly, I love coconut butter, and am insanly jealous of your Artisana stash…however I learned how easy it is to make at home, and have even made my own flavored coconut butters….thanks for reminding me I need to make some more. [My roommate actualy just puts coconut OIL into her oatmeal in the morning which makes it smell like an oatmeal cookie. It's amazing really.]
Third, not working out is so hard. I have a horrible time taking a day off because I feel like it keeps me sane…it’s really hard to say, “Self, this is NOT going to kill you! In fact, this wil be good!” I worry about not wanting to go back, too…of course it is the only place I can watch Bravo, so there is THAT motivation…
Sarah @ The Smart Kitchen recently posted..T.M.I.
That is so cool they sent you some.. and i am glad you agree on the flavor
I am intrigued on the coconut butter, I should try it on my own now! Oh and wow, your roommate and I need to be friends haha
Bravo TV IS motivation! Such trash but such entertainment
Oh my that fro yo combination sounds and looks phenomenal…it’s definitely my favorite treat too! I am so glad that Mumbai has finally gotten on board with the trend as there’s seems to be a new fro yo place opening up every other week – I am not complaining! Word on the street is that Pinkberry will be opened here by the end of the year! My eating habits definitely change over the weekend due to the lack of structure- I eat more snacks but it works well for me: lunch especially ends up being smaller than usual (gotta leave room!)! Best thing I ate recently has got to me the Mexican dinner I made at home last night: taco powder on scrambled eggs= perfection!
Khushboo Thadani recently posted..The Hunger Games hype
It’s important to do what works for you and that is great you are finding the ways that do! I have never been to a Pinkberry… I feel like it’s such a NYC thing, but not the case at all!
what a bunch of delish eats!! Happy wiaw gurl
Lauren @ What Lauren Likes recently posted..Adding mah greens to WIAW
Good lord woman these eats are makin this child FOAM at the mouth like a rabid chipmunk!! That pan seared ahi tuna and scallops and artisana glory and froyo and chicken parm….goodness gracious!
Sometimes I get so frustrated trying to decide what I want for a snack, usually it’s due to having no idea what I’m craving haha Doesn’t it feel awesome to satisfy the unknown cravings?! I always feel like a detective whenever I do haha
Hope your Wednesday is out of this world fabulous!!!
Alexandra recently posted..WIAW–Vacation Style
Ha I knew you would appreciate the tuna and scallops.. you are crazy for seafood like me
All those veggies for breakfast look delicious! The green is a little hard to get used to but what the heck! I need to get on the green smoothie band wagon, but I love the look of the green pancakes, I don’t know why!
Fran@ Broken Cookies Don’t Count recently posted..WIAW~Where’s The Green?
yes it is a bit hard to get used to, but I think I am officially now!
OMG I am sooo obsessed with coconut butter – it is my favorite “healthy fat”!!!
I typically use it in place of where most people would use butter – some coconut butter, strawberry jam, and toast! YUMM
Best thing I ate – yesterday I ate pizza and ice cream (cookies n’ cream) so I was pretty happy
Natasha recently posted..So I ran…
Cookies and cream is most definitely among my favorites, great choice Natasha!
I love Balance bars!
Everything looks absolutely delicious, Tessa, and I am SO PROUD of you for acknowledging the exercise issue (I feel like a lot of recovery bloggers don’t…) and actually DOING something about. Yay you! You’re not going to turn into a sloth, no worries. 
Living, Learning, Eating recently posted..WIAW #31
Thank you, that means a lot to hear you say!
Chipotle burrito bowls are my favorite! I was on a streak where I was eating at least 1 a week for a while!
Erica @ For the Sake of Cake recently posted..Long Days, Short Nights
Huh… I really don’t like self serve frozen yogurt…*waits for rabid people to attack me*
I have anxiety over trying different foods at certain meals becuase i am so afraid of how it is going to make me feel digestion wise. I’m afraid it’s gonna mess up my system or make me feel uncomfortable and bloated after etc…no, I don’t like coconut butter..or coconut really, I bought some coconut milk recently and I can stand the taste but don’t particularly like it.
When I have less structure in my day..uhh, i always have structure in my day, I make it..if I didn’t I’d fee like I’d implode (not explode, implode, becuase my body tenses up and I go inward into my irrational mind that can’t handle it)
WhenI go out to eat, now, it isn’t such a huge deal becuase I rarely do, but yes I’ll be anxious when I’m ordering, but once i order i can’t backtrack and then from there I just gauge it and try to be rational.
Best thing I ate recently? Eh, nothing special, but I’ve been liking blending a frozen banana with half almond/half coconut milk and PB for a nice frothy shake. (been thinking of making a coffee version too)
Kianni recently posted..Things I want to do when I get better and in the process of getting better
I am going to attack you!!! jokes of course, you are certainly allow not to like it
You are understanding all of these things that are bothering you as a result of the ED… this is great and necessary in order to move on!
Eating out definitely still freaks me out a little bit…..or even just eating something that someone else cooked. But I know that I really need to get over that and I have been doing better recently!
I’ve never tried coconut butter……waaaaaaaay too expensive!
Hope you have a great day!
Gen recently posted..Long Time No See
That is great you are getting better! It takes time too so don’t be hard on yourself
Well done missus! Going to read back over your exercise post to update myself but I can imagine what you’re doing is tough! You’re so self aware, keep it up! I made Angela’s oats this week too, amazing!
Michelle@PeachyPalate recently posted..Proper food
Aww thanks Michelle
Oh yes, weren’t they so good?!
LOVE the green monster pancakes! Oh my goodness.
You are taking things one step at a time, which is the only way to take down a huge monster such as an ED. No one can be expected to instantly fall into healthy patterns of eating and exercising all at once. Tackle those hurdles one at a time and don’t beat yourself up! You’re a rockstar!
So true.. I need to remember that when I am feeling down about all of this! Thank you for the reminder Emma
i very much enjoy reading your blog. I can relate with you in so many ways.
I adore frozen yogurt!
Devan recently posted..Lets start again..
Thank you Devan!
Sounds like you made yourself lots of yummy eats while you were home!!
I am the same way when it comes to eating at restaurants..it gives me aniexty to not know how much oil or something is going into the dish which is part of the reason why I don’t like to eat out that much..it sounds silly but it is just something j have to work on!
Chelcie @ Chelcies Food Files recently posted..WIAW-Miami edition
Not silly… I totes understand! The only way I can think to get past it is to keep challenging ourselves and prove nothing bad happens
Definitely snack more when I have no structure… it’s like you have to keep yourself busy or “thoughts of food” will appear, even if I’m not hungry!
That breakfast looks amazing also… coconut butter is pretty good, even though I’m adverse to most coconut generally.
And yay for froyo near you!
Amy @ Turtle-speed Runner recently posted..Being single, and exercise anxiety
It’s weird, I cannot stand certain coconut flavors and others I go crazy for! Coconut butter falls into the crazy for category
looooove coconut butter!! seriously add some to some toast and sprinkle it with cinnamon. Its BOMB!! Btw, so PROUD of you for not working out for TWO days!! That is HUGE. You are doing great lady, hang in there!
Kat recently posted..Greens filled WIAW
Well now, that does sound AMAZING! And yep two days, going on three… will not stop now, will keep RESTING. Who knows how long it will be?!
I love all your understandings. My therapist always said that whenever I made a new realization, it was one more step closer to recovery. Like you, I became so so soooo obsessed with food during the worst of my eating disorder. It was all I could ever think about! During school even I would be on my phone looking at pictures of food. No wonder my grades dropped haha
I am SO happy you have a frozen yogurt place nearby finally! I agree…it’s definitely my favorite dessert. There are so many options how can you not love it?! Actually my brother’s girlfriend doesn’t like frozen yogurt. It’s inhuman. Then again, she doesn’t like vegetable either and is really picky. She mainly eats grilled cheese, Mac n cheese, apples, and anything else a 5 year old would eat. But she’s 23…haha
I like what your therapist is saying then… I hope these realizations continue to help me out! Your brother’s girlfriend is weirdddddd haha.. but the stuff she does eat is delicious too
I can definitely relate to being (at least semi) addicted to exercise. One thing that does amaze me when I take a day off is how much time it adds to my day. Sometimes it feels harder to be productive on non-workout days, but once you get the hang of it, I bet that will be a nice perk!
Kiah recently posted..sugar-free is me
It will be about making an adjustment and just practicing it! Thanks for the reminder Kiah!
When I go out I just have to realize it prob not going to be exactly how I want it, but I try my hardest! I almost always order meat plain grilled without butter or oil and a salad with salsa.
Carrie Purchase @ Lift Eat Repeat recently posted..Spaghetti Squash Bake
I am with you on the fear that too many rest days will result in a loss of interest in working out or working out at hard at least but after hurting my back earlier this year, I kind of had a mini-revelation that sometimes not getting back to working out at 110% can be a good thing
If ya know what I mean 
Dang body’s just not a machine and I have to respect its limits 
And I LOVE coconut butter. I could eat a whole jar of it I love it so much. My favorite ways to eat is are on sweet potatoes, on oatmeal, on pancakes/waffles and as a dip for rice cakes. Yum! (PS I actually have some on my sweet potato I packed for lunch today and I am now very excited to eat it
)
Kinley @ Better Off Barefoot recently posted..WIAW: 3/28
I sure do know what you mean and seriously, I appreciate you sharing this! It is sooo hard right now to be resting but reassurances and stories like yours are helping me through it! Oh and I have got to try coconut butter on a sweet potato, that is happening real soon
So many great things in this post! First of all, yay for artisana!!! The coconut butter is amazing. Put it on anything really, pancakes, rice cakes, oatmeal, etc. Second, all of your food looks soo delicious and jealous of that froyo
Third, I know you say you’re afraid of getting lazy, but I don’t think you ever will. I know you are having trouble with balancing exercising without going overboard, but since it has been in your life for so long and I’m sure you also love the way it makes you feel, not only to burn calories (hello endorphins), then you will want to get back into exercising! You will just have to learn how to exercise without thinking about calories or burning off food. Think about how GREAT it makes you feel, you can do it girl! 
And fourth, I had chipotle once and I had the burrito bowl, it was good but it was waaay too spicy for me, and I felt like I could have made a better salad at home! Lol I wasn’t too impressed with chipotle, not sure why everyone’s obsessed!
Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile recently posted..WIAW
Thank you for this reminder Brittany, you are so right and I really appreciate it!
seriously so much good food in one post. I was going to comment on the pancakes, then I saw the oats, then the chipotle bowl, then one of my favorites — wallaby yogurt!! So hungry right now
Good for you for taking a break!! Best thing I ever did for my body. Keep your body nourished, give it a break and it will thank you!!
Lisa ♥ Healthful Sense recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday: Camping & A Miracle
I know you are right, my body is starting to thank me already and that is what I must remember!
I also have the hardest time choosing what to eat for dinner! Though my current lack of a kitchen does limit my options somewhat.
Also, I seem to be the one person on the internet who loathes coconut butter. I think it tastes absolutely disgusting. However, I love making coconut milk rice to have with stir fry! Maybe you could use coconut butter to sautee veggies instead of olive oil.
The best thing I ate recently was a new kind of yogurt I tried yesterday (surprise surprise). It was from a company called Dreaming Cow, and I had their maple ginger flavor. It’s the cream on top kind of yogurt, and it was divine.
Ha you are certainly allowed to NOT like coconut butter! I actually hate a few different coconut-flavored stuff but this one is not part of that list
all of your meals look delicious! While Kyle and I were in Boston we noticed how many froyo places WEREN’T self-serve and we refused to eat at any of them! Neither of us have been to a froyo place that wasn’t self serve hahah WEIRD! I think you’re doing great keep up the good work
I still struggle with foods that aren’t cooked by me as well! It presents so much anxiety
Alexis recently posted..Boston eats
Yeah there really aren’t too many in Boston which is absurd! I know of a place near cambridge and that’s it! They certainly need more
You keep up the great work too and we will both keep on improving!
Ahh so jealous! My little Shippensburg community still doesn’t have fro yo!!!
Nikki recently posted..WIAW + A Recipe
I’m really loving coconut butter (and coconut milk) at the moment – so good for me to be getting those fats in and good for us girls looking to get our hormones playing ball again! I used to get extremely anxious when eating out because I worried I wouldn’t be able to find anything ‘healthy’ now I go out and actually enjoy myself!
Ahh yes to please to getting those hormones going haha. I am getting better at enjoying myself out.. but room for improvement
You are so totally NOT nuts. If I didnt have a fro-yo place around here and one finally opened! I would also lose my mind.
embrace it, and eat lots of it
Dorsa @ Running Thoughts recently posted..Goodbye Grandpa, I love you
Oh I certainly will
OMG, where is this self serve fro yo?? Is it at the Northshore Mall??
Those chicken parms look fantastic!! Do you have a recipe linked somewhere?
Alaina recently posted..My Confession
Here is the link Alaina! http://amazingasset.com/2012/01/04/wiaw-continuing-to-push-myself/
Oh and for some dumb reason I never responded to your question about the run to remember… as of now I am signed up for the half marathon. But that was of course before I changed my workouts (aka stopped doing them) sooo this will probably change as well. I could drop to the 5-miler, I didn’t even think of that! Either way we should try to meet up soon
Oh and yes, at the North Shore Mall! I nearly died with delight
So many fantastic eats! I had a burrito bowl too – even found one with tofu!
And I couldnt’ agree more with this: “I go a bit bat-shit crazy for sweet/salty products.” Best. Combo. Ever.
Lastly, fro-yo high fave to you! Hands down my fav snack. yoforia’s peanut butter flavor with the dark chocolate and topped with pretzels and blackberries is a lethal (to my bank account) addiction.
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted..Narcissism + WIAW
Ha I am glad you agree about the flavor combination! And wow, your yogurt choices are fantastic… great ideas
All of these struggles sound pretty “normal” for eating disorder recovery.
Unfortunately, I dont think the meal anxiety ever completely goes away. That’s something I struggle with still too – in much rarer instances than before, but it’s definitely still there. Good for you for identifying that these aren’t healthy habits though!
Ughh I do hope it at least gets better, I am glad it has for you, to an extent!
wow girl, SO many delicious looking eats lately! i saw that green monster oatmeal on angela’s blog the other day. it definitely intrigued me, so i’ll have to try it one of these days. i’ve never tried coconut butter for the same reasons you noted. i should just bite the bullet and buy it one of these days. best thing i’ve eaten recently? just this morning i had an incredible oats in a jar concoction! there was SO much peanut butter in it, which totally made it. yummm.
have a wonderful day! xoxo
Ashley @ My Food ‘N’ Fitness Diaries recently posted..WIAW #27: “I’m Not On A Diet, I’m Eating Healthy” + Giveaway Winner!
Definitely try the oats! You don’t taste the spinach but it did make it a lot more voluminous! Oh and yes to coconut butter.. give it a go and no fear!
-Do you have trouble making decisions on your meals/snacks? Does it ever provoke anxiety? What helps you to decide on what to eat? …yes. I tend to get into bingeing behaviour when I’m not sure what to eat and start picking at things. It’s better for me to just make a decision and stick with it!
-Do you like coconut butter? What are your favorite uses for it?
I JUST opened my first jar. A friend of mine can’t have any butter so she uses it all over the place where people would normally use butter. The only way I used it was in a quinoa dish with coconut milk and veggies and chickpeas and tahini. Yum!
-Does the lack of control you have when going out to eat/fear of the unknown, hinder what you order at places? Or does it stop you from going to certain restaurants/places for food ever?
I used to stay home instead. I’d often binge at home alone. So it’s helpful to remind myself that even if I take in more than I might deem “okay” I’m living my life and that’s important!
-And of course, best thing you ate recently?! I just snarfed some leftover kale chips. It’s like they got better since the first time!
Keep up the good work — you’re SO aware. It’s amazing. You’re amazing.
Cheryl @ happy is the new healthy recently posted..What feels right
It sounds like you are very aware too Cheryl! That is 100% essential for recovery to progress, so amazing job to you as well
That quinoa dish sounds wonderful!
Awesome eats! Welcome to the wonderful world of self-serve froyo. While not great for the wallet, wonderful for the taste buds
Steph @ StephSnacks recently posted..Chef’s Diet Give Away
Haha not good for the wallet at all!
OMG all those meals you cooked! the chicken parm and the scallops are speaking to me in particular haha. And I totally feel ya on the snacking more during the day when you don’t have a schedule…for some reason my body just isn’t all that hungry during the day so if I don’t have a specific time blocked out for a meal, like with obligations before and after, thennn I usually just don’t eat if I’m not hungry. which leads to snacks. which leads to finally feeling hungry after dinner?? wtf. oh well haha one reason why I like to have a schedule!
Anddddd we totally should get froyo when I got to Boston!! It’s probably my favorite dessert/snack of all time too! My mom always says I could probably buy a whole new spring wardrobe with all the froyo’s I’ve gotten this year…..but that’s okay, I wouldn’t trade it hahahaha
Kate @ Chasing It recently posted..Break Free
YES that hunger after dinner thing is so so annoying ugh. We sure as heck are going to get froyo together! I know of a self-serve place near cambridge, but then J.P. Licks is freakin amazingggggg, so that is a possibility as well
First of all, I missed commenting on your post regarding taking an exercise break. I know that it’s going to be tough, but I think it’s the right decision for your body and mind at the moment. I took a week off any exercise last week, and it wasn’t easy – I felt really knocked off my routine in some way, but I think that I feel better for it now.
I’m often out of my usual eating routine at weekends when I visit Peter or my family. I’m kind of used to it now, but I have to make a real effort to eat properly and when I’m hungry. What often happens is that I get ridiculously hungry waiting for Peter to be ready to eat (meanwhile he’s snacking away on biscuits and chocolate) and then I become very grumpy and end up overeating on less healthy things anyway. It’s something I’m working on …
I came across a self-serve fro-yo place when I was in London with my Mum and Aunty and I actually ran towards it screaming. They thought that I was mad, especially since it was a freezing cold day in January!
Sarah @ Every Day’s a Picnic recently posted..Cookie Exchange
Oh no worries at all Sarah! Comment when you can and if you want to.. it is never an obligation although I do love to hear from you
I am glad you are feeling better now after resting, sometimes we really and truly just need it! Oh and of course I understand your reaction to the froyo, that story made me laugh 
Has anyone else ever mentioned that they have difficulty with your blog on their Google reader?? I just had to ask. I have you on my reader, yet it has not popped up with new posts from you in weeks! Now suddenly today, I end up with 10 “new” posts from you! So odd. :/
And best thing I ate recently … I actually got this kale/potato/carrot curry from Whole Foods today for lunch that was so good! I think it was my first time ever eating kale, and I really liked it!
Kristen @ notsodomesticated recently posted..Two Recipes, One Great Slow Cooker.
oh no! I am not sure what that is about… no one has said anything to me lately (it has happened before) and plus I subscribe to my own blog and it shows up for me immediately. Hrmm I will look into this, thank you for the heads up!
Oh and that curry dish sounds great, welcome to the deliciousness that kale is
Same thing happened to me!!
Laura recently posted..Spring Break 2012
Bahh I hope it works again laura!
Awesome eats!! Everything looks so tasty! I LOVE frozen yogurt, best stuff ever!
Chelsea @ Naturally Sweet Recipes recently posted..Salmon Cream Cheese Bites
Firstly I’m jealous of two things here, 1) your coconut butter – I’ve been wanting to try some for ages, 2) the froyo!! Why are there no froyo places in the UK? You lucky lucky girl
All of your food looks delicious, especially the Pan-seared Ahi Tuna with all of the veg and the Chicken Parmesan
Your food always looks good I swear!
I am awful at choosing food, it takes me ages to decide on things in the restaurant and when out shopping for food or getting a snack somewhere. I also take ages deciding what to cook each day, but then when I’m home I resent not having the control to do so! (Messed up I know) I’m a snacker in the evening sometimes too, I do the same thing as you: if I feel I’ve restricted I make up for it with something big that I then regret eating
I also have to admit that if the restaurant I’m going to is a chain place then I look the nutritional information up beforehand and decide before I even get there… If I can’t do that then I do struggle on choosing my dish.
Sophie @ Love Live & Learn recently posted..A Birthday Dinner.
Nahh not messed up, I get what you are saying girl! I am definitely getting sick of the snacking/late-night eating cycle I sometimes find myself in.. definitely something for both of us to work on
Did you get my e-mail I sent you? Okay seriously you’re like in my head haha, when I fractured my rib a couple weeks ago I was so scared that I would just not return to exercising and I would just get super lazy, so I just kept exercising…clearly I’m smart. #1-the only thing I can’t relate to-I just love coconut dearly. #2-yep pumpkin or veggies everyday with breakfast for me, #3-I actually just wrote about this a couple days ago…I haven’t eaten a meal out in 2 years!!! I can’t believe I’m scared of one little meal..*sigh*, #4-if I’m out I will rarely eat in public so I always have to make up for it later in the day, its ridiculous if I spend the whole day with people, they think I just don’t eat a thing hah…I laughed out loud about the frozen yogurt, I admit I’m one who doesn’t get the whole hype on it! I’ve never tried it but I can’t imagine I’d love it. Sorry for my novel!
Lisa recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday
Hi Lisa,
Yes I did get your email and I am sorry I have not responded yet… I have had A LOT going on this week and things are getting ab it overwhelming right now. I will try to get to it today or tomorrow! Don’t worry about the novel… admitting and coming to terms with all of these things is the first and essential step toward getting better!
Wait, was that your first time having Chipotle?!?! It’s like, my favorite place in the world! I a veggie bowl is sooo freaking delicious. YUM!
And I’ve never had coconut butter before either. I tried making my own once, but it didn’t really work.
Liz @ IHeartVegetables recently posted..What I [Baked/Roasted/Grilled] Wednesday
I know, I have been missing out on all of these years!
Geez all this food is super amazing. I would like it all delivered throughout the week. Thanks
I went through that feeling too wondering if I would even want to return to exercise and that was a scary thought. I didn’t for a while because I was really enjoying not having the pressure to exercise. Once I was eating well and healthy again I just wanted to enjoy to feeling freedom. Eventually I started walking and doing some exercise videos at home. Stuff that I wouldn’t have considered “real exercise” in the past. Now I’m back doing intense weight lifting which is what I love, but I can do it with freedom. I hope this experience gives you clarity about what it is you love because we should all only be doing what we love anyway
StoriesAndSweetPotatoes recently posted..I’ve Been Squeezed…err…Pressed.
You always offer such helpful advice and messages lady, thank you again! Doing anything with the freedom of choice is what I am most looking forward to
indecision when it comes to food is something i have such a hard time with. its like very meal has to be so perfect and not a “waste” of calories, but i have so many cravings to satisfy (sweet, salty, crunch!) that it makes it impossible to ever find something i think is amazing and is ok in “Ed’s” world. i wish i could give you some advice on how to change that but i too have the same issue. if it were up to me i would probably eat cereal, fro-yo, and sandwiches everyday for the rest of my life…of course nut butter is included in those three things
CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com recently posted..WILW- Super Snacks and Some Entertainment
That is spot on.. I feel like I must satisfy every.single.craving because I have so many of them, errr all of the time!
I can’t believe you never had a self-serve froyo place near you! Last summer, about a million opened up near me which was pretty crazy but at least I had plenty of options haha.
I’m the same with eating out. I have a list of a select few places I feel okay eating out at, and before I go out to eat, I always analyze the nutrition charts online to make the ‘safest’ choice. Definitely not helping me progress in recovery at all, but at least then I feel somewhat okay with eating out. And I have the same exact fear of saturated fat–I am scared to death of coconut or basically anything with over 2 grams of saturated fat per serving. Silly I know, since I’m not talking about junk food or fast food but actual wholesome things like certain nuts, dark chocolate, etc. but those nutrition guidelines have totally brainwashed me into thinking saturated fat is the devil when really it isn’t, as long as it’s from a healthy source!
Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie recently posted..WIAW: Staples and Goals
Ugh seriously the nutrition guidelines around that stuff is rather confusing… it’s understandable that you don’t really know what to do with it! I would suggest just taking the plunge one time and giving it a go and proving to yourself you do not blow up like a balloon!
Wow, all of your meals look so delicious! And it’s really interesting to see the things that you have come to understand! I’ve yet to try coconut butter…but I totally want to! Oh, and I tried nut butter on a sweet potato for the first time a couple of days ago (I know you love that) and it was amazing! Seriously, why hadn’t I done that before? Hope you’re having a great day girlie! All of the things that you are understanding about yourself will really help you get better in the long run.
Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health recently posted..Recent Stomach Issues
You bet your bottom I love that! And I am sooo so glad you tried it and enjoyed it too
I absolutely feel you on the anxiety over food choices. In fact, anxiety is a hallmark of eating disorders. I find, however, that my anxiety SERIOUSLY decreases when I am not hungry. Every meal does not have to taste perfect if it is actually nutritionally satisfying–i.e. big enough and with enough carbs, fat, and protein. (I’ve found this out only recently, as I have eaten more the past couple of days to recover from my hospital liquid diet, but… wow, it is striking). Also, recognizing that it is in fact quite hard to overeat even if a meal is fairly decadent, as long as it is a MEAL, not a string of unsatisfying snacks, helps me to feel better.
I also totally understand the ‘maybe I’m secretly lazy under the compulsive behavior’ thing. You know what I tell myself? Yes, compulsivity IS cheating a little bit! And yes, ALL humans are a little naturally lazy! So sometimes you’ll have to push yourself to do a workout when you don’t want to. And sometimes you’ll have to push yourself to take a rest day when you don’t want to. I have to do this because I’m simply not very *flexible*. It doesn’t mean I’m fat and lazy and stupid–it’s just the way it is.
BTW I am feeling a ton better and just helped my mom make an ulcer-friendly tomato-free lasagna. I haven’t had lasagna in over a year and a half. o_0
Hi Sam,
You are very correct with your words here and I appreciate them! I am of course in the I-don’t-want-to-take-a-rest-day thing… but oh well, it’s just the way it is like you said!
I am glad you were able to enjoy lasagna! I also have not had it in years
I looooove to snack, so I have pretty snacky days every once and awhile.
I’ve never had coconut butter, because like you said, sh*ts expensive!
Errign recently posted..Announcements
But when sent to you to review.. well it is rather welcome
That coconut butter sounds A-flippin-mazing. Must get my hands on it!
I have a pretty structured eating schedule between work and school and try really hard to pack all my meals to take with me. I know if I find myself hungry and away from home, I’m going to end up eating something probably not so great and it’ll be a waste of money and make me just feel blah about myself. I try to stick to my schedule because I’m away from home practically all day and I know if I don’t get my eats in during the day, I will go home and eat everything in sight.
Sylvia @ Frolic Through Life recently posted..New Shoes WIAW
Those green monster pancakes look interesting! lol
I have a hard time making decisions on what I want to eat for dinner–especially when I get off work. It does cause some anxiety at times and recently has led to more bingey behaviors if I don’t just make something sweet for dinner. I have never tried coconut butter. I snack a lot more when I have less structure in the day or when I am feeling stressed. The best thing I have eaten recently was a new granola I tried. It is Erin Baker’s Chocolate Chunk. SO good! 
Abby @ Abz ‘n’ Oats recently posted..never give up
Hooray for self serve froyo! SO glad you have it now!
Rach recently posted..Momma’s Poppy Seed Chicken
I sometimes get worried eating out that they will “sneak” things into my food that I didn’t ask for; but in reality it’s just that I like the control! I can totally relate but I also know that whenever I just “let” myself not worry and just eat; it truly is the best feeling ever! your eats look AMAZING!
Kasey @POWERCAKES.net recently posted..What I Ate (The Day of my Competition) Wednesday!
It really is a great feeling and that is what I must remember when in doubt! Thank you for stopping by
Gosh what great eats! I also just recently discovered the magic of coconut butter.. But in the form of CACAO BLISS! You must try it if you haven’t already. I legit eat it from the jar, it’s so good. I’m glad that you are still resting – it will be uncomfortable and suck a lot, just remember you need it! I always think that my body is fighting a war during rest times.. And when the war’s over, I can play again. Weird comparison, but it works for me.
The froyo looks AWESOME! I’ve never had it before, but I want to so. badly. I get jealous of all the other bloggers too 
Chelsea @ Chelsea Runs recently posted..School food is boring – WIAW!
Chicken parmesan is one of my most favorite meals ever. You know what else is one of my favorites? – FROYO! Yum! Looks like you’ve had some wonderful eats lately =)
Allison @ PickyEatingRD recently posted..Budgets and WIAW
I am glad you agree with my food choices
I also LOVE coconut butter! You can grind your own too and then it’s not quite as pricey!
Jamie @ Don’t Forget the Cinnamon recently posted..Tuesday tales
Ahh I didn’t know you could make your own so easily! I will be trying this
I get to review that Coconut Butter next week- my first blog review
. I’m excited to try it because I’ve never had it before, and I’ll let you know what I think.
Self-serve froyo is awesome. What a great idea
. I’ve only had it once so don’t feel like you’re the only deprived person out there. Supposedly a shop is opening up in my town in a few months, but we’ll see… haha.
Amy Lauren recently posted..My Technical Writing Journey (Part 1)
Oh I am excited to read what your thoughts are on it!
I am a snacker,too! My stomach cannot handle big portions anyways (still suffering from five years of torture
),so I feel better with having small snacks more often.
Also,I totally understand your passion for Froyo. I think it’s one of the best foods ever.
Kat @ a dash of fairydust recently posted..It’s a beautiful [WIA]Wednesday. [#1]
You are really challenging yourself and I love it. Awesome job girl! I’m actually not a snacker at all. I literally eat three square meals a day and it’s rare for me to snack in the middle of the day. At night I do sometimes.
I wish it was warm enough for some froyo! blerg.
HollieisFueledByLOLZ recently posted..Wisdom from the Peanut Gallery
You are seriously one of the few people I know that doesn’t snack! You are doing what works for you and that is fine
OH hooray for the fro-yo place!! It’s rough not living near one!! I’m working on planning out snacks better.. and more importantly, not eating straight from the bag!
Corrie Anne recently posted..Bears on Unicycles + I Love This Box
Yummm, everything looks so good! Esp your breakfasts. Yes, I used to have a TON of anxiety going out to eat, grocery shopping, or choosing meals….I ended up eating pretty much the exact same “safe” foods because of it. But, I’m totally over that now and it’s very liberating and let me be much more social with that stuff. You’re doing awesome Tessa!
That is so great and encouraging you have been able to get over that! Awesome job Becca
I don’t exercise (other than walk). I eat alot. I’m much older than you.
A thread here http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/announcements/post/1716562
might have a teeny bit of interest to you (women , amenhorreic, over exercised, not eating enough, etc etc
HLB’s are all at an EXTREME of exercise…the real world is not like that.. You can do just a 30 mins walk per day and live a good life and not restrict. It is not a crazy notion.
Hahah yeahhh it might interest me a bit there
I know there are a lot of examples of extreme exercising out there, that is for sure
I have that fear too – that I’ll like “days off” so much that I’ll stop exercising completely! The reality – what if I DO like days off so much I don’t want to exercise as much? That might be healthy for me (someday)!
Laura @ LauraLivesLife recently posted..Another door opened… (AKA a “Good News” post)
You can definitely get there someday if you are ready for it and if you need it!
Great job on sticking with your challenge, I know it has to be hard (my challenge of staying away from cookies this week is ROUGH!) but you are powering through like a champ!
I get anxious about going to certain restaurants at times and will avoid them all together. The healthier the place, the less stressed I get about what I will eat.
I snack..I snack bad. I need to be busy. Hah.
Brittany recently posted..My Day At The Mall
Tessa I am SO glad you are sticking to this commitment – so proud of you..keep going
Those green pancakes look DELICIOUS!! What are they made out of? And that’s awesome you went for the burrito bowl..they are so delicious!! I sometimes find myself craving one just out of nowhere haha.
Julia @ girl with a stethoscope recently posted..Workout Wednesday #7
Thank you Julia! They are made with bananas, spinach, soy milk, baking powder, chia seeds (you could use any sort of egg here/egg substitute) and whole wheat flour… blend it up and then pour onto a hot griddle! Delicious and nutritious pancakes
Hi Tessa! I really do appreciate this blog so much. It’s like everything that you write about is something I am currently going through. I finally gave in and saw a nutritionist this past week about my eating habits ( I am a runner and try to do about 40-50 miles a week) and I am trying to not lose any more weight. I am in my BMI range, but the low end, so I am trying to maintain the weight I have. I was just wondering, you said you eat about 2400 calories a day, is that on top of your exercise calories? Or do you include your exercise calories in that 2400? My nutritionist ( who is not a sports nutritionist) was a bit confused when I asked her if I should eat back my exercise calories, so I have been trying to find out on my own. By the way, that pumpkin cake looks amazing, I have to try that!
Hi Caitlin!
Wow you run a lot woman and I am very glad to hear you are not trying to lose anymore weight…phew! Anyway, I do understand what you are saying about the calories and for me, I did not precisely factor those calories in to my daily needs. But I did it more “loosely” meaning I would tack on a few hundred if I felt more hungry that day, or was more lenient with calculating and measuring. I am trying to get away from both to have a more normal view of food and eating and such, and exercise helped me to do this. However, this is what worked for me to maintain, you might need a whole lot more calories! Never compare
I totally hear you about tirelessly searching for meals and working on getting the food ready but denying oneself of enjoying it. My friend, who has an eating disorder, is the best cook! Her food was good and she used real and wholesome ingredients all the time. Maybe I was too busy stuffing my face with her dishes that I didnt even notice how she’d only take a few bites of what she made.
Don’t be too hard on yourself Tessa dear… Healing takes time… And after reading your blog for a month now, I know you have that fighting spirit. When you are rested enough I know you will have the willpower to start your active lifestyle again… Just don’t fall into the exercise addiction again… 
Margarita recently posted..Joy the Baker Love: Orange-Chocolate Yogurt Pound Cake + Saturday Story
Aww I am of course sorry your friend has this illness… it certainly can manifest in that way. And you are right, I should not be too hard on myself, must remind myself!
You are my inspiration, Tessa. Thank you so much!
Kathleen @ KatsHealthCorner recently posted..YogaPulse DVD Set: Review
{ 1 trackback }