WIAW- Back At It and Challenges

by tessa8m on April 18, 2012

in What I Ate Wednesday

Good Morning and Happy Wednesday to you!

So today is April 18th…. 9 days until my final capstone presentation, 12 days until classes end, 14 days until my internship ends, 16 days until my final paper for the internship is due, and most importantly, 24 days until I graduate from college. WEIRD. I means goodness, nearly four years have passed since my graduation from high school, a time when I thought I was just the coolest person ever, nervous but excited for college, not knowing then what struggles lay ahead of me….

I do have more to say on my college experience, but now is not the time. I am still too far out from the actual date of graduation to genuinely be able to reflect on the past, my issues during the time, and the various ways I have grown in the past four years. I did just have to shout those above numbers out though, wow, I am close to the end!

Today is more about the food anyway, as it’s halfway through the week and therefore time for What I Ate Wednesday! Appreciations and credit goes to Jenn blogging over at Peas and Crayons. Thank you as always deary!

Today’s WIAW post goes along with what I talked about on Monday- the simple fact that I REFUSE to let this eating disorder be a part of my life. More specifically to be complacent with it... I refuse to allow myself to be recovered just enough in order to be a fully-functioning person (how I would describe myself now) but to actually be dying on the inside, with no indication to the people in my life that I am still suffering to such an extent.

I asked the question at the end of the last post whether or not you all thought it was possible to completely recover, and I had mixed responses… all of which made sense in their own way. Some people proposed that Yes, a life free of ED thoughts is something that can happen, while others argued that No, unfortunately it’s something that will always be with you, but how you react to triggers, thoughts, pressures and other issues that come along in life, shows the extent of your recovery.

Even after thinking it over myself and also reading through all of your speculations on the matter, I am still not positively sure if a life free of an eating disorder is probable, after what I have experienced and lived through myself. The idea that this THING will always be with me, to a certain extent, is a rather terrifying notion, and quite frankly pisses me off.

This disorder was NOT my choice to develop in the first place, no matter what some ignorant people out there believe, but gosh-darnnit, I am going to do everything in my power to fight back. There are of course several ways to do this and one of the major components is the FOOD aspect… and what today’s WIAW is about.

No matter what other treatment I seek, or hurdles I try and overcome in order to beat disordered eating, consuming proper calories and nutrients is necessary and cannot be tampered with in anyway at all. Attempting to restrict, no matter what the amount, hinders the process and makes normalizing my relationship with food and my body to be even more difficult.

So for today’s What I Ate Wednesday, I am “back at it” back to eating the amounts I need (while still taking it easy on the exercise front!), and also challenging myself to continue proving to both my mind and body that the correct number of calories won’t make me balloon, that the extra “treat” will not turn me in to a flabby person, that I do not need to eat “clean” 100% of the time in order to be healthy.

How am I ever going to know how my body will react to what is truly necessary for my individual needs if I don’t at least give what I know I need to do a try? Exactly, I won’t ever know and that’s why the challenge is necessary, no matter how tough it is.


Okay sooooo this was supposed to be an oatmeal bake… this being the goal:

Yeah….Not so much.

But emmm clearly it didn’t work out too well haha. The basic recipe I was using was 1/2 cup rolled oats, egg whites, baking powder, peanut flour, a few blueberries, and cinnamon. Well I didn’t have baking powder so I subbed it with baking soda so that was the first issue. Then I added 1/2 cup too many blueberries made it much too wet to come together and as a result I ended up with this,

It actually tasted fantastic though! Just not as pretty and put together as I would prefer ;)


Strawberry-Banana Chobani with Blueberries (on sale, 2 bucks for a pint! Gosh I cannot wait for legit berry season!):


A most excellent salad from the dining hall. I have said it once and I will certainly say it again, I am really going to miss the dining areas on campus next year, they have always been fantastic!

In the bowl: Spinach, mixed greens, red peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, mushrooms, 1 whole egg, 2 egg whites, a few slices of deli turkey, and all topped with a drizzle of an olive oil/lemon/balsamic vinegar mix I whipped up the table.

I also noticed a shrimp taco salad thing on the main line that was looked both too pretty and delicious to pass up:

It certainly did not disappoint! I am not sure of everything that was in there but from what I could see and taste- onions, cilantro, black beans, green bell peppers, tomato salsa, avocado pieces and shrimp, all in a crunchy shell. How could I not be sad when I think I won’t have access to items like this next year?! I suppose I could always recreate it myself :)

I used to NEVER take anything from the main food line of the dining facilities, because I hated not knowing how it was prepared, aka how much butter/oil/doom was secretly lurking in the dish. While there are still some items that are quite clearly swimming in oil and I am just not okay with eating, dishes like this taco salad are worth facing the fear of the unknown. Sure there might be extra FAT in there that I don’t know about, but oh freakin well, it’s all good stuff in the end.


I had a banana in my room that was on it’s last leg and decided to utilize it and mush it into a breakfast cookie:

In the “cookie”:

  • 1/3 cup rolled oats
  • 1 scoop chocolate protein powder (I used a random CVS brand that I found in a single-serve package, tasty though!)
  • 1 T of White Chocolate Wonderful Peanut Butter
  • 1/8 cup 1% regular ole cow’s milk
  • 1 medium mashed banana
  • Several shakes of cinnamon

Then I mixed all of the ingredients together, spread out on a small plate, let it do it’s thing overnight, and enjoyed later with a spoon! I also decided to top it off with another glob of nut butter because 1) YUM, 2) Need to get those calories in, 3) Having (in my mind) “too much” nut butter at the same time is just not okay, so challenging myself to have a lot at one sitting, all while being mindful, is a great way to progress with all of this.


I actually cooked something legitimate at school! I was at the grocery store the other day, saw asparagus on sale for $.90 per pound (woah cheap), and decided to make some sort of meal with it. As I stood there contemplating what to enjoy with this asparagus, I was suddenly inspired by a very spring-like dish I had seen on the Whole Foods website a few days before and decided to recreate it for myself:

Although it was not exactly how I pictured it, the dinner still turned out pretty! All I did was saute asparagus in olive oil and salt, soft boiled TWO eggs, toasted an english muffin and topped it with two slices of provolone cheese and tomato… and tried not to inhale this rather delicious (to me) meal.

I have talked about eggs being an issue for me in the past, but yeah, they still do flirt with the fine line between “fearful” foods and ones I claim are safe. There is no true rationalization behind why I am alright with consuming foods as opposed to others (especially ones that are actually HEALTHY) but there is some mental blocks with items out there. I suppose the thought always boils down to the same boring/redundant issue, “eating (insert food here) will make me fat.”

Again, the only way to prove that this is in fact false is by challenging myself to eat whatever the food is anyway, in this case eggs, and see that nothing terribly- bad happens. This particular day I had three WHOLE eggs and didn’t blow up, gain a fatty layer around my stomach (always the problem area to me) or suffer in anyway. Who woulda thunk?


Chocolate soft-serve ice cream with chocolate sprinkles (sprinkles are an obligation, there is no choice in this ;) ) from a place in town…

When I consume soft-serve my combinations are always either vanilla with rainbow or chocolate sprinkles and chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles… rainbow on chocolate ice cream just seems wrong to me ha. I figured that I am not going to have a lot of opportunities to have legit soft-serve ICE CREAM this summer, as the places around me only serve hard pack (not a big fan), so I ought to take this time to challenge myself once again.

Sure I enjoy frozen yogurt as much as ice cream, there are several kinds that truly taste the same to me, but ice cream is just scary in general with the higher fat and calorie content, so eating it anyway is a perfect way to fight back against you know what.

So there you have it… a What I Ate Wednesday where I am back at it, doing what is necessary in order at least make the steps toward overcoming the disorder once and for all. We all know that this illness is made up of SEVERAL different parts and reasons, and tackling each one is necessary, hence the need to keep working towards a normalization with food and my body. I am sure as heck not there yet, but I am at least working on it, and that is the best I can do for now.

Was this whole day completely guilt-free, no problem, no fears at all? Hell no. But oh well… I have to push through the negativity because I know what restricting leads to, nothing good, while actually eating what I need to could end up in freedom from all of this.

 -We all have irrational beliefs that can be applied to many aspect of our lives… how do you separate which thoughts are illogical? How do you prove these ideas/thoughts/beliefs wrong? For the irrational food fears, you just have to eat it and see that nothing bad (aka weight gain) happens.

-How do you challenge yourself on a daily basis as a way to improve your life?

-Have you ever started out making something, from a recipe or your own idea, and had it turn out completely different than expected? If so, was it at least tasty or a major fail?

-Are sprinkles/gimmies an obligation on your frozen yogurt or ice cream? Chocolate or rainbow?! <– Very important question :)

-And finally, what was the best thing you ate recently? The taco salad and the asparagus/egg dinner are both winners for me this week!

I look forward to reading about all of your recent eats! Enjoy the rest of your day :)

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{ 120 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Vien @ We Dare Food April 18, 2012 at 6:06 am

Wonderful eats throughout the day! And guess what! I had soft serve ice cream too today!! :D I dragged my brother down to the city and made him sit down and have ice cream with me!! Definitely chocolate sprinkles for me!!! hehe
hmm.. usually I challenge myself by getting something new from the grocery store. Like a sugary cereal that I’ve been dying to try! or hazelnut wafers! No regrets so far.
Vien @ We Dare Food recently posted..Stalactites, CBD


2 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Yay for ice cream and chocolate sprinkles, nice choice Vien :)


3 Michelle@PeachyPalate April 18, 2012 at 6:30 am

Another great post Tessa. I’m a massive fan of baked oats and just use fruits, baking powder and almond milk (lots of variations over on the blog!) I’m not great at accepting recipe failure, I have been known to make things three times over!
Michelle@PeachyPalate recently posted..Seasonal Eats


4 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I will have to check out some of your variations Michelle, clearly I need some help ;)


5 Michelle@Peachy Palate April 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Recipage are moving server so best to wait until it’s properly back up and running to check them out, it’s all about the pics to go with the recipes!
Michelle@Peachy Palate recently posted..Seasonal Eats

6 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 8:58 pm

I shall try and be patient :)


7 Khushboo Thadani April 18, 2012 at 6:34 am

Great eats, especially your dinner! I love when meals as easy as that are such a hit- totally going to recreate it sometime soon! I used to have several irrational beliefs about food, one which comes to mind is eating bread at night…that used to be a huge no-no! Any other carb at night was fine, just not bread…clearly I was loco! The best thing I’ve eaten this week is definitely the fondue I had on Sunday! My grandmother ordered some when we were out at a restaurant and after years of not having had some, I couldn’t resist the urge…and it tasted fantastic! Oh and now that I think about, I used to think about cheese very irrationally for a very long time- I even tried to convince myself I didn’t enjoy it (yeeeeeeeah right!)!
Khushboo Thadani recently posted..Love – Hate Relationship


8 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Bread is still a tough one for me at times! Like I am okay with having some, but then I reach a limit and NO MORE… but it’s just ridiculous, I am sick of trying to limit any type of food, it just makes me want it more


9 Antonia @ healthinspirations April 18, 2012 at 6:47 am

Yummy. Those are some delicious eats. I smiled when I saw your version of the oatmeal bake. I’d also be one of those people to add way to many berries but it looks delicious. Also really want some asparagus now! Happy WIAW!
Antonia @ healthinspirations recently posted..WIAW: fighting a concentration-low!


10 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:42 pm

The berries definitely made it at least taste better :) Thanks Antonia!


11 Alexandra April 18, 2012 at 7:01 am

Asparagus for that cheap?!?! Man I’m comin to shop up there! Awesome eats as always my friend. I must say I cracked up over that breakfast bake though– the exact same thing happens to me when I try to follow recipes. They look like utter failures but taste like heaven haha!! :D
And holy moly you must be getting SO excited for graduation and summer, it’s so close!!!!! WOOOOOO!
Alexandra recently posted..life changing decision


12 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:09 pm

Gahh I know it is so close!! Summer for both of us, we can do it :)


13 Bec April 18, 2012 at 7:06 am

Hey Tessa,
Congrats on eating so well this week! It’s so great to see. I’m glad you are feeling a bit better about the whole thing- I think you are making remarkable progress and I love reading your posts. I actually don’t eat ice cream, I just don’t like the taste, so I can’t answer your super important question about sprinkles. I only eat sorbet, which everyone laughs at me for, but I just don’t like it! I can however say that the best thing I ate recently was a homemade chicken quesadilla – sweet potato, pumpkin, jarlsburg, cranberry sauce and lime and chilli chicken on a whole wheat tortilla. YUM.
Bec recently posted..WIAW #3


14 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Aww well thanks Bec… it’s wonderful to hear your supportive words! That chicken quesadilla sounds glorious!


15 Nikki April 18, 2012 at 7:13 am

Baked oatmeal is the best! And I have kitchen fails all of the time. I love when they turn out still tasting good though!


16 HollieisFueledByLOLZ April 18, 2012 at 7:15 am

I think you are in the same boat-but it’s so weird to think we will be graduating college soon. Where did these four years go? I look back at freshman year like-who on Earth was I? You know?
HollieisFueledByLOLZ recently posted..WEGO: A Lesson in Injury


17 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Oh gosh do I understand what you are saying here… scary stuff! But I am also excited


18 Laura@keepinghealthygettingstylish April 18, 2012 at 7:27 am

Well done for challenging yourself pushing myself out of my comfort zone is something I try and do as much as possible because I know that I won’t grow as a person without doing that. That ice cream looks so good, I think sprinkles are compulsory :-)
Laura@keepinghealthygettingstylish recently posted..WIAW: Working girl


19 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Glad you agree Laura :)


20 Jamie @ Don't Forget the Cinnamon April 18, 2012 at 8:02 am

That asparagus and english muffin with soft boiled eggs looks absolutely incredible! I’ve never soft boiled eggs before but you’ve inspired me to give a try in the near future :)
Have a wonderful day!
Oh, and I’m all about the vanilla chocolate twist with chocolate sprinkles. I also prefer soft serve to hard serve.
Jamie @ Don’t Forget the Cinnamon recently posted..Wonderful wednesday: 6 reasons I’m smiling.


21 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:13 pm

Oh yes give them a try! The egg whites are cooked but the yummy yolks are nice and drippy


22 Erica @ For the Sake of Cake April 18, 2012 at 8:10 am

I STILL miss all the wonderful dining options that were available to me at college & I’ve been out for almost 4 years! Enjoy it while you can! :-)
Erica @ For the Sake of Cake recently posted..Popcorner-Crusted Baked Salmon


23 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Gahhh I know I am trying my best too Erica!


24 chelcie @ chelcie's food files April 18, 2012 at 8:24 am

all of your eats look delicious! that is such a yummy looking shrimp taco to get from a dining hall..I’m really impressed!
soft serve ice cream is always a great way to end a meal:)
chelcie @ chelcie’s food files recently posted..WIAW-Double the Protein


25 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Seriously, the dining halls here are a-okay in my book!


26 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health April 18, 2012 at 9:00 am

I’m so proud of you for pushing through the thoughts and eating the food! That breakfast cookie looks fantastic. And I generally prefer rainbow sprinkles…although I don’t think I’ve ever gotten them on chocolate ice cream haha. I totally think that with all of the hard work you are putting forth, you will totally be able to recover from this ED Tessa! I hope you have an awesome Wednesday!
Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health recently posted..11/22/63


27 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Thank you Lindsay… it is worth it to challenge ourselves :)


28 Kaitlin @4loveofcarrots April 18, 2012 at 9:08 am

gimmies are a must and they must be chocolate :)


29 Amy @ Turtle-speed Runner April 18, 2012 at 9:13 am

Haha. I screw up my recipes all the time ;) I always try to switch them around to make them a little different or to my taste. For example I used black bean flour in a recent muffin recipe and they were gross!! I guess it had a bit too much beany flour and not enough “floury flour” taste… I dunno. Oh well! That blueberry bake looks delicious anyway, even if it wasn’t all neat ;)
Amy @ Turtle-speed Runner recently posted..Struggling


30 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Ha hmmm I bet that did have a very unique taste! Well at least some recipe fails can actually be a win :)


31 Kat April 18, 2012 at 9:32 am

Congrats on almost being done!! Thats so exciting :)
I actually had a major recipe fail yesterday. I was baking banana bread and I guess was too busy thinking about other stuff, because I totally forgot to add baking soda. Hence, I ended up with a big dense brick. It still tastes great, its just really dense and somewhat chewy lol
Kat recently posted..20 min kettlebell circuit


32 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Hahha whoopsie! Well at least it was tasty! I have actually done that before too, nice and dense baked goods :)


33 Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries April 18, 2012 at 9:40 am

oh my goodness, SO many delicious eats! that salad and your dinner especially look wonderful. i’m so proud of you! you’re doing awesome my friend. keep it up! xoxo
Ashley @ My Food ‘N’ Fitness Diaries recently posted..WIAW #30: A Lazy Day


34 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm

Thank you Ashley!


35 Valerie April 18, 2012 at 9:44 am

I think you did awesome!! We all have things we need to work on. I think the pathway to recovery is PRACTICE. If you want to get better at anything (sports, instruments, etc) you have to practice. Same thing goes with eating. The more you follow the meal plan, the easier it will become. Jenni Schaeffer says recovery is possible, so don’t stop till you get there!
Valerie recently posted..Spring Cleaning. Heart Addition.


36 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Hmm true Patience is something I often forget about, especially with this stuff. Sometimes i get irritated by how long it takes to get better!


37 Lisa ♥ Healthful Sense April 18, 2012 at 10:06 am

Girl I rarely make a recipe that turns out how it’s supposed to look… on the other hand my husband has success almost every.single.time! I think it’s a patience issue…
You’ve come so far this year!! I can’t believe it’s less than a month until you graduate! Congrats =)
Lisa ♥ Healthful Sense recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday: New Challenges


38 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Thank you Lisa, I cannot believe it either!


39 Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table April 18, 2012 at 10:13 am

You are so lucky to have good cafeteria food in college. When I was in school ours was SO bad.

Congrats on the near completion!!!
Laura @ Sprint 2 the Table recently posted..Home Brewing + WIAW


40 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Thank you Laura.. I really cannot believe I am almost there!


41 Rach April 18, 2012 at 10:35 am

Oh wow! You are so close to graduation! How exciting! Those last few weeks were such a blur for me. I hope you love every moment! And girl, asparagus on the cheap for the win!


42 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:17 pm

I am trying to enjoy it as much as possible :)


43 Julia @ girl with a stethoscope April 18, 2012 at 10:56 am

haha your poor pancake!! Awe :(

I always love your eats..especially those salads of yours. Cant believe your school cafeteria is THAT delicious! I am totally jealous. Our was filled with plain junk lol.
Julia @ girl with a stethoscope recently posted..Sweat Pink Ambassador


44 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

It’s okay Julia, it tasted just delicious :)


45 Allie April 18, 2012 at 10:59 am

That oatmeal may not have came out as pictured, but instead it looks like you got to eat a blueberry cobbler for breakfast! And there is nothing wrong with that ;) I’m going to admit–I’m not a huge sprinkles fan. But I DO love topic my froyo (well, fro-sorbet) with shredded coconut, if the place offers it. Glad to hear you’re back on track and moving forward!
Allie recently posted..What I (Flatly) Ate Wednesday


46 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Good point Allie… a blueberry cobbler sound sooo much more appetizing, plus it’s one of my favorite desserts!


47 Allie April 19, 2012 at 10:42 am

I like your taste in desserts, haha. Cobblers and crisps are my favorites! (Okay, okay–after cookies) They’re the right mix of real fruits and whole grains plus…well, being a dessert!
Allie recently posted..Cooking for the Enemy, Part 3

48 Kat @ a dash of fairydust April 18, 2012 at 11:05 am

Well,the only thing that helps against irrational fears is – as you’ve said yourself already – conquering them in order to see your fears were innecessary and rather unreal! Even if it’s super tough,that’s the only way…
However,that taco salad looks so awesome! I’ve always wanted to have a salad in an edible bowl… Someday,my dream will come true for sure,haha ;)
Oh,and when it comes to sprinkles… RAINBOW all the way! :P So much cooler than boring chocolate-brown!
Kat @ a dash of fairydust recently posted..[Simply] WIAW #3.


49 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Yep all you can do is overcome them through challenging them and like you said, it has to be done even when it is super tough!


50 Melissa (Better Fit) April 18, 2012 at 11:48 am

hehehe! I had to laugh at the blueberry oat bake. That looks like something I would have done. I always start out so optimistic, and get frustrated with my baking results. Glad it tasted good though!
Melissa (Better Fit) recently posted..Workout Wednesday: Tabata drill


51 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Ha it would have been so much more upsetting if it did taste badly!


52 Anna @ The Guiltless Life April 18, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Haha my boatmeals from Choc-covered Katie have definitely come out like that a few times – the trick is greasing the ramekin reallllly well! But it all tastes the same so what does it matter ;)? Great day of eats Tessa!


53 Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin April 18, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Great eats Tessa! You can really all of the strides you’ve made coming through in this post! :D Also I’m super impressed that you managed to make that dinner in your dorm room! It looks fantastic!

Hahaha I totally laughed at your breakfast though. I have the same kind of thing happen to me all the time! And strangely enough, the last time it happened for me, blueberries were involved too. I was making a vegan blueberry pancake recipe and they totally fell apart on me. :P
Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin recently posted..WIAW #34: Brain food


54 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Well not quite the dorm room… but dorm kitchen :) Dorm room would have been too challenging I think!


55 Cheryl @ happy is the new healthy April 18, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Taste definitely beats out appearance.

You’re doing an awesome job. I tell you that all the time in comments, but I mean it. I don’t know many people so willing to put in the work for recovery. It means that you’re going to be free free free as a bird! It gets easier. <3
Cheryl @ happy is the new healthy recently posted..This is fun


56 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm

Well thank you Cheryl, it means a lot to hear you say :)


57 StoriesAndSweetPotatoes April 18, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I can’t wait for legit berry season either. There is just no substitution. The best thing I’ve eaten lately is probably this wrap I keep making with tomato paste, turkey and guacamole. I have it all the time but sometimes regular things are just SO good!
I saw that first picture of your oat bake and thought omg that’s the most beautiful thing ever, lol. Stuff like that happens all the time to me. Stupid food fails. As long as it tasted okay and you didn’t have to trash it :)
StoriesAndSweetPotatoes recently posted..Six Degrees Of Hippie Bullshit


58 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Umm that wrap does sound like the best thing you could have had… great choice!


59 MassachusEATS April 18, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Yum, I’ll have what you’re having! And yes – sprinkles are totally mandatory!!
MassachusEATS recently posted..WIAW #11


60 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I am glad you agree :D


61 Annette@ EnjoyYourHealthyLife April 18, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Looks like some yummy eats!

And YES, I DO believe you can live without the ED–I am, and have for the last little while. But I had to go through some major disordered eating as well. It was TOUGH. And hard. ANd hellish. But I am glad it happened because it brought me to strongest and best–where I am now! there IS hope!! Keep being awesome :)
Annette@ EnjoyYourHealthyLife recently posted..“Wake Up!” Treadmill Workout


62 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:21 pm

I really am glad you are telling me this Annette… you are showing that it is in fact possible… just need to keep on working at it! Thanks dear!


63 Amy Lauren April 18, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I don’t really get sprinkles on ice cream or frozen yogurt. I’d rather get other toppings like fruit, pie crust, snickers, chocolate syrup, etc. Just not a sprinkles fan.

I’m glad you’re eating more now! With that delicious looking food in your dining hall, it’s a cool idea :). Ours never had anything that looked that good but I also went to a small school so that’s probably why.

As far as thoughts go, of course the ED isn’t your choice. But, when you think about it, most of what happens to us in life is out of our hands. It’s just up to us to do what we can with what we have at that moment. Me, I’ve been anxious about a lot of things like foods, sometimes if you just allow yourself a little bit, just to try it, it makes it easier. I mean ice cream is scary, but you don’t have to get a huge sundae (unless you really want that, of course), maybe just a kiddie cone or something. The accomplishment is still there :).
Amy Lauren recently posted..All the world’s a faze, and the end is near


64 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Well those other toppings are fantastic too… soo good choices all around! I should remember all accomplishments and victories, you are right Amy!


65 Haley @ Health Freak College Girl April 18, 2012 at 1:56 pm

Awesome day of eats!! Everything looks so yummy. My breakfast almost always turns out like yours did haha. I see the pictures online but they turn out NOTHING like them. Oh well. At least they taste good ;)
Haley @ Health Freak College Girl recently posted..WIAW + giveaway winners!


66 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

haha glad I am not the only one :)


67 Laura @ LauraLivesLife April 18, 2012 at 2:00 pm

First, congrats on being so close to graduation! So exciting! I think we were channeling each other on our WIAW posts today!

Second, I have some thoughts about moving beyond an ED – and it doesn’t mean that they are right for you (or even “correct” in general). I’ve been wondering the same thing you are – will I always be thinking about food, or feeling like I have to eat less at one meal to “save” for a second? Sometimes my thoughts about that are almost as discouraging as a disordered eating “thoughts” – like I’m replacing my thoughts about eating less to thoughts about feeling this way forever. In short, I’m still letting food dictate my life: the exact thing I don’t want.
Instead, I wonder if I need to stop trying to “forget” those feelings or food-like anxiety and recognize that they are a part of me. Even when I have a “normal” relationship with food, these feelings are still a part of my past, and I did a lot of amazing things in my past that I don’t want to forget. I can’t erase who I was, I can just use it to inform who I want to be – so my goal isn’t to work part those feelings so that I never have them, because I can’t make them just “go away” – but if I can recognize them, validate them as a part of who I am right now, and try to figure out why I am feeling that way, maybe I am empowering myself to move past them. Maybe by doing that, I can create new habits, so I don’t have to go through that process my whole life.
But also, no matter how hard it is, maybe having those feelings also makes you so important to someone else – maybe someone, a pre-teen, who you see if beginning to develop unhealthy habits – and you can help them. By pursuing health, and living a healthy lifestyle (and working towards it), your struggles and pain make you uniquely qualified to help so many other people who are or may struggle with disordered eating in their future.
Sorry for the long comment – my thoughts are with you lady – and you are strong and amazing! You got into nursing school and you are healthier then you were last year! You will get there if you think you can – no one else’s perception defines your future.
Laura @ LauraLivesLife recently posted..Last Graduate School WIAW


68 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:06 pm

No worries about a longer comment… first, not long at all, and second, I appreciate your thoughts here! It’s interesting to consider that these thoughts might just be a part of us and that is the way it is… but not necessarily something that is bad!


69 Yellow Haired Girl April 18, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Another great post! Anything featuring yolk porn or edible shells will always be #1 in my books :)
Yellow Haired Girl recently posted..Orange You Glad It’s WIAW?


70 Carrie @ Lift Eat Repeat April 18, 2012 at 2:34 pm

That Taco salad looks so yummy! Even though I’ve never had an eating disorder, I still have foods that are safe and ones that are not. Ice Cream used to be one of my favorite things to eat- now, if I’m going to have dairy I will go for the frozen yogurt! Eggs- I used to not even like eggs, then I went through an egg whites only phase, now I will eat the whole egg, (drippy of course) but limit to about 2 whole eggs per day due to the cholesterol in them. My husband used to always say “You aren’t going to explode into fatness!” That saying always replays in my mind if I eat something I think I shouldn’t!
Carrie @ Lift Eat Repeat recently posted..Defining Faith


71 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Your husband sounds like a very smart guy Carrie :)


72 Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie April 18, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I’m so ready for berry season–I am obsessed with fresh strawberries, blueberries and raspberries! I’m also excited for watermelon season, there’s just something so good about juicy watermelon!

Recipe failures happen to me all the time! Usually they turn out edible but I’ve tried making chocolate avocado pudding and it was so gross, it was like bitter chocolate guacamole! I really want to try that breakfast cookie thing you made though since it looks delicious and pretty foolproof.
Ashley @ AlmostVegGirlie recently posted..WIAW: (Almost) Wordless


73 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

I have tried the avocado pudding too! It tasted much better after adding a LOT of sugar lol…. I guess that defeated the health purpose a bit though? Oh well the sugar made it tasty :)


74 lindsay April 18, 2012 at 3:13 pm

i like the back at it attitude. its where things get done! and wow, graduate so soon!! I am excited for you tessa.
lindsay recently posted..The #PROOF is in the Jell-O?


75 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Thank you Lindsay… I can’t believe how close it is!


76 Kate @ Chasing It April 18, 2012 at 3:26 pm

YES so proud of you for getting back at it with a vengeeance!! It’s very clear you’re fighting and winning battles – the war will be won before you know it :-D In any case, all your eats look delicious!! Especially your dinner – OMG. Eggs and I have a blah relationship too….sometimes I love them, and sometimes they gross me out. Right now I’m in a phase where they gross me out, but I used to make english muffin egg sandwiches allllll the time….soooo good. Also your breakfast makes me LOL – so many foods in the blog world that look totally gross but taste so good, right? I mean, it gets mushed up in your stomach anyways…hahaha.


77 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Hahaha that is true… it all goes to the same place of course :) And thanks Kate, just have to keep on fightin back!


78 Rebecca @ Blueberry Smiles April 18, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Your dinner looks delicious! (as does your choc frozen yogurt, of course!) Congrats on almost being done with school, so exciting!


79 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

Thank you Rebecca!


80 Alexis April 18, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Your dinner looks FANTASTIC!!! I wish I could eat egg yolk but they really bloat my stomach up. I miss the deliciousness of eggs so much! I think you did a really awesome job with foods! I must prefer soft serve as well I think it just tastes better and always sprinkles.

Best thing I have had recently is my crockpot mexican chicken I made last night :D
Alexis recently posted..Chug it


81 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Oh nooo I didn’t know egg yolks could bother people’s stomachs :( I am glad you agree with the sprinkle addition!


82 Jocelyn @ Peace Love Nutrition April 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Hey Tessa,

I struggled with EDs in college also. And as much as I used to hate it I realized that it will always be a part of my life. But I realized it’s how I move on from it and how it helps me develop into a stronger woman is what matters. I’m always going to struggle a bit when I look into the mirror but there is so many more important things in life.

Congrats on graduating from college soon. It’s such an exciting time in your life. I’m 4 years out now (eek) and loving life more than ever


Jocelyn @ Peace Love Nutrition recently posted..Spring Cleanse- 1 Day Organic Ave


83 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

Thank you for your thoughts here Jocelyn…. I am trying to decide how much of this will be a part of me in the future. I like your attitude here though, of moving on from it and allowing it to help you become the strong lady you are today!


84 Tayla @ She'll Be Free April 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

You’re very strong Tessa. I admire you for pushing through all of the uncomfortable feelings that accompany this illness. I wish I was as brave as you sometimes, but you give me courage to fight harder every time I read one of your posts! Keep up the good work, recovery is possible if you believe it is. You got this!
Tayla @ She’ll Be Free recently posted...waiw number eight and growing up.


85 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:29 pm

Tayla, thank you for telling me this. It’s hard of course, but just have to focus on the overall goal of HEALTH


86 Kristen @ notsodomesticated April 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

An awesome day of delicious and healthy eats!! That soft-serve ice cream looks heavenly. Oh, how I love ice cream! :)
Kristen @ notsodomesticated recently posted..Tim Tebow’s … feet?


87 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile April 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Everything look absolutely delicious!! I’m seriously craving soft serve ice cream now. SO much better than the hard ice cream. I think that’s why I like froyo so much :) I’ve never had soft boiled eggs either, looks yum :D
Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile recently posted..Failure to Easy


88 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Mmm that is one of the main reasons I like froyo too! :)


89 Erin @ Dinners, Dishes, and Desserts April 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm

What a great day of eating. The breakfast cooking for snack, looks insanely good!

I do baked oatmeal sometimes, but I have taken to microwaving it for 2 minutes. Way faster :)


90 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Oh god bless the microwave… I use it sooo often too!


91 Sarah Beth April 18, 2012 at 6:14 pm

haha the oatmeal bake is cracking me up–that’s probably what it’d end up looking like if I tried to make that. sprinkles are an absolute must on my ice cream, and like you, I love soft serve. I only like hard ice cream if there’s chunks of stuff in it (like cookie dough!)
Sarah Beth recently posted..Favorite Workout Songs


92 tessa8m April 18, 2012 at 9:31 pm

MMm good point! And cookies and cream :)


93 Chelsea @ Chelsea Runs April 18, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Great eats! One time, I tried to make a veggie burger.. It turned out into a crumbly mess, BUT it was still delicious and I put toppings on it, kinda like a taco salad. I’m glad you’re holding yourself to making your health a priority and challenging yourself! Good job girl! I definitely want to try that “cookie” ASAP!
Chelsea @ Chelsea Runs recently posted..What’s Important WIAW!


94 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:07 pm

Ha yummm I bet that did taste great still :)


95 natalie2040@gmail.com April 18, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Your oatmeal bake might not be “picture” perfect, but it looks like it tastes AWESOME!

I have tried making these protein pancakes before, but they always crumble when I flip them, I’ve been dying to get it right!
natalie2040@gmail.com recently posted..Gordon Ramsay Made Me Do It!


96 CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com April 18, 2012 at 8:37 pm

i make recipes all the time thinking they will look like the picture…yeah that rarely happens! but my stomach doesnt usually care and they do taste delicious!!!
i am really proud of you for getting back on track. very inspiring my darling, as always! and your picture of ice cream made me seriously want a mixed soft serve CONE with rainbow sprinkles. that was my very favorite growing up and i havent had it for years!!!
CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com recently posted..WIAW: Lucky Girl


97 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Get it again CJ and soon! So so good and not scary :)


98 Paulina (One Smile Ahead) April 18, 2012 at 9:14 pm

Oatmeal bakes have only turned out great for me a handful of times. They look so pretty online, but for some reason I can’t get the hang of them. The blueberry combo sounds delicious though! Now that I think about it, recipes always end up looking totally different then the original for me :D I’m so glad to hear you’re back at it. You’ve gotta push through it and keep going! :]
Paulina (One Smile Ahead) recently posted..Bread and Me


99 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Thank you Paulina! Good to know I am not the only one out there having some serious recipe fails haha


100 Emily Butler April 18, 2012 at 9:44 pm

I’ve noticed lately that two food things that “scare” me are whole eggs (I can feel okay eating just the whites) and bread. Even though I eat m oatmeal every morning, something about consuming bread freaks me out, however I did make a delicious sandwich on half a pita with avocado, tomato, and broccoli sprouts, it was delicious! I used to eat eggs before, the whole egg, and I know they didn’t make me fat but for something reason I think they will now….I never realized how much of this is mental, even though I would never consider myself to have an eating disorder, I am constantly thinking these thoughts! Anyways…that ice cream looks delicious, I absolutely love making chocolate banana ice cream, with frozen bananas and cocoa powder and almond milk, yum!! Last time I made it I also added in coconut extract and that just made it even more awesome, I am sad we are out of bananas for a few days, if you’ve never tried banana ice cream, do ittt!!
Emily Butler recently posted..I have a cool husband.


101 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I feel ya on the bread… it is a bit of mental block for me too, makes no sense but it just is :( Sigh. And oh wow, your version of banana ice cream sounds glorious! I have only tried a very basic recipe so as soon as I am reunited with my food processor, I am trying your method out!


102 Emily Butler April 19, 2012 at 9:17 pm

Oh yea I also add Stevia or trivia for the sweetness!
Emily Butler recently posted..I have a cool husband.

103 Brittany April 18, 2012 at 9:47 pm

My lorrrd this post is drool-worthy!! I couldn’t help but laugh at your oatmeal bake..HOWEVER, sometimes the ugliest creations taste the best right!? That asparagus looks amazing.
Brittany recently posted..One Upped PB Cup


104 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 7:59 pm

Certainly tastes the best!


105 hello April 19, 2012 at 12:00 am

I really enjoy your blog and was especially touched by your last “breakthrough”. You are a gutsy gal! I just wanted to share a bit of my personal experience: I’ve found that beneath ED, it’s all about my relationship with myself –with my body and with my mind. I think I’ll have to fight ED for the rest of my life, but with every battle that I win I get stronger. I am also getting better at spotting the enemy from miles away before it even gets a chance to control me. So it sort of gets easier…I think…and I hope…. Every day, I’m just trying to get better at being a best friend to my body and mind (trying to remind myself that I’m always good enough). Keep fighting the good fight! You are stronger than you think!

Oh and: Rainbow sprinkles on vanilla ice cream for me please!


106 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Hi there!
Thank you for your thoughts here… very appreciated! I think you are right, that the process of fighting back gets easier and becomes more second nature, something we just do without dwelling on too much. You keep fighting too!!


107 Dorsa @ Running Thoughts April 19, 2012 at 8:41 am

I am so proud of you Tessa. Despite your challenges #1 you have a positive attitude and #2 you get back on the wagon and try try again! THAT is how you are truly going to recover.
Dorsa @ Running Thoughts recently posted..Pinterest Food Challenge Day 3


108 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Well thank you Dorsa… I have to remember the positives :)


109 Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy April 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Everything looks so good!Filled will healthy foods, and still very well-rounded. You should be proud of yourself!


110 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Thank you Emily, I am trying to be :)


111 Michelle @ Blogitness April 19, 2012 at 11:49 am

Great eats and post as always!
Michelle @ Blogitness recently posted..Hanging In There…


112 Amy B @ Second City Randomness April 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm

You found asparagus for under $1 a pound?!?! I would have been eating that and only that for a week… lol

Good luck with your last few weeks! So exciting, isn’t it?
Amy B @ Second City Randomness recently posted..More Randomness For The Files


113 Eleanor@eatinglikeahorse April 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

The ugliest food I make is always the tastiest – and that breakfast looks brilliant to me! I’ve just bought some new season asparagus too and am in love :-)
I don’t know whether or not an eating disorder goes or not, and of course it’s probably different for everyone, but I think because of your attitude towards it (just the fact you choose ice cream over frozen yoghurt for example) and the fact you’re so determined to beat it and you’re conscious of it, that you will. You’ll get somewhere where you can eat and enjoy your food without thinking much else; and that’s the perfect place to be!
Eleanor@eatinglikeahorse recently posted..Time – is of the essence


114 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Thank you Eleanor, I cannot wait to get to that point, and I think it’s possible!


115 Lisa April 19, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Haha, I love the way your baked oatmeal came out. That’s how most of my recipes come out too. They never look the same as the original! Ugly food usually does taste good though. Mmm asparagus and me have been getting along very well lately. It’s so good roasted! So proud of you for getting back on track, keep up the good work my friend! :)
Lisa recently posted..Cocoa Almond Butter


116 Chloe@EveryCraving April 19, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Yum! All your eats look delicious. I’ve been wanting to try making soft boiled eggs instead of hardboiled. I hate the yolk unless it’s runny so they just sound so much tastier and less wasteful to make. Haha also love how your oatmeal bake came out :P You’ve come such a long way since I started reading your blog, Tessa! :)
Chloe@EveryCraving recently posted..Spicy Chicken Soup


117 josh April 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm

My daily challenge is to learn something new. Have you heard Dr. Terry Wahls’ TEDx talk on Minding Your Mitochondria on how she ate real food to cure her MS and get out of her wheelchair?


118 tessa8m April 20, 2012 at 8:53 pm

I haven’t heard of her, but will be sure to check this out! Thanks for the tip :)


119 caloricandcrazy April 21, 2012 at 1:33 am

Gahhh so many great eats :)!
Chobani makes a great food canvas, I must say. Summer’s fruits + greek yogurt…one of the reason’s I can not wait for summer!


120 tessa8m April 19, 2012 at 8:03 pm

I am glad we agree on this very important issue Allie :D


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